what sandra thinks

Does posting a lot get you more followers or fewer? Does it make readers engage more or less?

[When I say ‘a lot’, I mean posting two or three or more times a day. Not ‘a lot’ would be two or three or maybe four times a week.]

I have wondered this for a long time. Probably since I started blogging. I don’t know that I’ll ever have the answer. Maybe there isn’t one.

For me, as a reader, I’m more likely to read/keep up with blogs from those who post once a day or less. [With the exception of mostly-photography/art blogs that I follow… I rarely miss any posts even if there are lots… because they are so beautiful. Ahem… you know who you are.]

For those who post multiple times a day, I try to read everything, but I sometimes find myself skipping that blog entirely because picking and choosing which posts to read or not read overwhelms me (especially if the posts are also long)… so I give up. I feel so bad about it, but I just can’t get to that many posts every day. And I rarely manage to get back to those posts later because they keep coming. I confess to unfollowing some blogs where there are too many posts. That hasn’t happened in a long time, but it has happened.

It’s also summer… so with the kids home, I’ve had lots of days when I haven’t been here at all. I’ve had days when I never even started up my laptop. That’s not like me. Or maybe now, that is like me. Things change. And I’m betting they’ll change again when school starts again in 3.5 weeks. Probably not for the better.

I don’t mean to say that bloggers shouldn’t post lots… as much as they want. Some are prolific writers. They have a lot to say. I might post a few times a day, too, if I was in that place. Maybe I’ve had periods when I did do that. I can’t remember. But now, I don’t think I’d do it. I think I’d be more likely to schedule posts ahead so that when I have a writing drought (like now), I’d still have things to share.

And that raises another matter. Recently, when I do have time, I’ve been trying to write because I’ve not been able to do so for a long time (and I hate it).

While my son is mostly self-entertained and self-contained (ha), my daughter wants my time… lots of it. And that’s been good for me. We’ve gotten closer than ever, and it has helped both of us avoid some inevitable boredom. And it’s forced me to listen to some music I never would have listened to by choice… but now I even like some of it. But that’s a topic for another post. A humiliating one, I’m sure.

But…

Lately, I am largely out of touch with this world. The blogging world, I mean. [Aside: I know there is a term for this world but it is one of those words I hate… and I refuse to use it.]

For the past month, I average two or three posts a week. That’s not a lot. I have seen a decrease in my stats, but only overall. Obviously, I have less traffic on days when I don’t post. But if I look at stats for individual posts, there is essentially no change. Maybe I’m not ‘losing people‘ like I feel like I am. In fact, since 7/1, I’ve had almost 150 new followers. [And I have no idea how they find me… or why they stay… or if they stay. I’m sure a bunch of these are empty follows. I’m sure there’s some trendy-ass term for that, too, but I don’t know it and probably wouldn’t use it anyway.]

But the ‘losing people‘ feeling I have isn’t about stats. It’s about engagement… and contact. Comments seem pretty steady… from some of my ‘regulars‘ and some new people, too. [Nice to meet you!] But I don’t hear from people much anymore. I mean, through emails and twitter DMs and things like that. I know people have busy, full lives… even I have been busy (yet in some ways still plagued by boredom). And sometimes people just don’t feel like talking. Or they have too much on their minds. I try to keep from thinking it’s my fault. Although, I admit, I do think that sometimes. That’s kind of self-centered, huh? But I get sick of me… others might, too.

As usual (lately, anyway), I don’t know what the point of this post is. Remember those assignments from grade school where you had to read something and identify the ‘main idea‘? I always hated those. Maybe that’s still a problem for me.

I guess I wonder… More is more? Or… Less is more? And I guess I feel like the party’s going on around me but I’m not in attendance… and if I pop in, I’m still on the outside. It feels kind of all-or-nothing, and in my case, leaning toward nothing.

…

©2018 what sandra thinks

Hey friends.

I’m still alive. I just have some [stressful, upsetting] stuff  on my mind [that seems worse than usual but maybe I’m just at the end of my rope] making it difficult to write or do much of anything that involves thinking… mostly because I’m trying to think as little as possible. That’s not working, of course, as it’s impossible not to think. Just in case you were wondering.

I have zero ability to make decisions. Every one I’ve ever made in my life seems to have been wrong so I think my mind is telling me to just stop making decisions altogether. That’s not working either, of course, because I have to make decisions all the time. It’s really the bigger ones that trouble me. And remembering my past… well, I’m afraid my decisions will be wrong. Again.

I’m putting off a phone call because I’m not sure if I should make it or not. Again… decisions.

I’m putting off another phone call that’s not such a big deal, but I hate the phone so even that is difficult. I don’t know how to ‘just do‘ things. I need someone to hold my hand… even though I’m a grown woman. It’s so stupid. Just pathetic.

I’ve tried to ‘fix‘ my boredom-that-makes-me-hopeless feeling. Some days I succeed… kind of. But it’s still a problem… especially in the morning. It’s hard because while I can think of things to do, none of them appeal to me. Nothing excites me anymore. Reading, writing, blogging, organizing, arty stuff. I haven’t been going for walks because the air is soup. Or it’s too hot for it to be remotely pleasant.

But aside from all of this… I guess I’m okay. I’m carrying on…

I haven’t really been around since last Wednesday. Not sure if anyone noticed, but I can understand if not—there have been huge gaps between my moments of presence here for a while now. I left town (ran away?) Thursday and Friday (more on that later… with pictures), but even when I got back, I just couldn’t be here. I did try to respond to comments, but I barely checked my email. I have over seventy email post notifications sitting in my inbox. Needless to say, I will not be reading all of those posts. I’m sorry.

I do hate my boredom but see above… blogging (writing or reading) hasn’t helped. For the first time since I started blogging nearly three years ago, I feel blah about it. But then, of course, I feel blah about everything lately.

However, if I’m not here posting or reading or both, I’m completely out of touch with you, my friends. It’s total isolation. That’s not my goal… but it is my end result anyway.

I will be painfully honest, as I always am… Part of my disappearance is that jealousy and inadequacy I often feel when I’m here. All I have posted for well over a month now are either silly pointless things [turkey] or posts like this one… droning on about my life and my emotions. Blah. Everyone else continues to post… lots and lots of things… some of you many times a day (and I can’t keep up). And then you get comments and you talk and laugh and have fun. I miss that. But I just don’t feel like I can join in. I guess I need someone to hold my hand.

I kind of feel dead inside. That expression always makes me laugh, but at the moment, it totally fits how I feel. Empty. Blah.

Why can’t I be more like Ice Bear? Just grab a hammer and smash the fuck out of anything that’s not working?

I’m trying to get myself excited about something. Anything. I need to have a giant flash of inspiration… the kind that makes me need to write immediately. But that’s not something I can force. It has to just happen. And it hasn’t. For, like, nearly a year. A fucking year. I think that inspiration has left me forever. But if I had it… if only I had it… I truly believe the boredom would subside… because I’d be so excited to write that I’d be doing it during every spare moment.

But I write about love. And maybe it’s become too difficult to write about love when I don’t have any (of the romantic man+woman kind) in my life. I need someone to hold my hand.

©2018 what sandra thinks