31 questions | march 3.

March 3
Do you believe in magic? When have you felt it?

No. Never.

p.s. — Every so often I see a weird shadow pass by down low near the floor in my house. I am convinced this is the ghost of my dead cat. Does that count as magic? I still say no.

[Thanks to my dear friend Marquessa for this 31 questions challenge.]

         
©2021 what sandra thinks

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31 questions | march 2.

March 2
Do you have any irrational fears?

I had a list of fears written for this post, but when I went back and read them, I realized that they weren’t right.

They were things like ‘I’m afraid something terrible will happen to someone I love.‘ And ‘I’m afraid I will never feel happiness… that I will never have true love… that I will never have my happy ending.‘ And ‘I’m afraid I’ll have a car accident every time I drive.

But are those irrational fears? Or are they normal fears? I would guess that those are things many people fear. Well, maybe not the car one. That’s pretty irrational. But the others… those seem common… maybe normal. What’s irrational is deciding and believing that those things are true… guaranteed… done deals — that’s irrational. And that’s me. But I decided those weren’t the kinds of things meant for this question.

So I had to start over. And I realized that I do have a fear that is unquestionably irrational.

I’m afraid of dinosaurs.

Told you it was irrational. Dinosaurs don’t even exist anymore. What the hell goes on in my head?

p.s. — Jurassic Park was the most traumatizing two hours of my life. My mom loves those movies. What is wrong with her?!?

[Thanks to my dear friend Marquessa for this 31 questions challenge.]

         
©2021 what sandra thinks

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31 questions | march 1.

March 1
What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Charming.

Despite my shortcomings, and they are many, someone called me charming. I didn’t understand it and I’m still not sure I do, but that’s the word she used.

Charm is defined as ‘the power or quality of delighting, attracting, and/or fascinating others’.

So does that make me delightful, attractive, and/or fascinating?

MeReally? Ha!

I was having a bad day at the time. [Shocker!] I remember telling her that it was hard for me to make friends because of my sadness and overall darkness. No one likes that. They like happy people. I couldn’t understand how anyone could like me… why anyone would want to be around me. I’m usually pretty miserable.

Don’t you hate that about me?

She said no. She said it was ‘charming’… I was charming. My dark humor… my self-deprecation… are those things charming? Maybe not on everyone, but apparently they work for me… at least according to her. [Am I the female Morrissey?]

I’ve never thought I was particularly likeable… and forget loveable… and forget charming. But maybe I’m projecting because I don’t like myself. Clearly she saw something I don’t see.

I’m not sure, though, how to trust this charming compliment as she is no longer in my life. I suspect that I drove her away with the very things she found charming. I’m not sure how to process that.

p.s. — Even my MH NP tells me that she likes me… that I’m funny and she likes talking to me. Is she just saying that in a professional way? Like, because she *has to* talk to me? I don’t think so. She didn’t need to say it, but she has said it on more than one occasion. I’m not entirely sure how to process this either. 

[Thanks to my dear friend Marquessa for this 31 questions challenge.]

         
©2021 what sandra thinks

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31 day march, here i come.

I’ve decided to participate in a writing challenge during the month of March! Are you excited?

My dear friend Marquessa brought this to me (well, not just to me… to anyone). I loved the idea. It’s self explanatory, really. 31 questions… one for each day of the month. You can find the details HERE if you’d like more info.

And because I’m me, I made a little header graphic. Couldn’t help myself.

Get ready… Sandra’s back! Well, for March anyway.

p.s. — After March comes April. I’m still undecided on the 2021 April A-to-Z challenge. I’ve done it every year since 2016 so I’d hate to stop now. I’ve even got two possible themes in mind. Maybe it’ll work out. But, damn, can you handle a post every day from me for two months? I’ve been so absent I might send some of you into shock. On an entirely unrelated note, I think this p.s. is longer than the rest of this post.

         
©2021 what sandra thinks

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the year was 2020.

And that year is over. ‘Yay‘ I guess? But contrary to what many seem to think, the clock striking midnight on January 1st didn’t suddenly send us to the comfort of the before times.

So…
I thought I’d try finding some good from the past year. I was going to write a list, by month, of good things from 2020. But then I realized that was ludicrous. In typical Sandra-fashion, every time I came up with something ‘good‘, my brain immediately said… ‘but‘. I guess it’s just my way. Might as well accept it.

January – 2020 is gonna be my year!
But… It was not my year. It hasn’t been my year since about 19##. Wait, if I fill in those digits, I’ll give away my real age. So yeah, 2020 was not my year. It was probably nobody’s year.

February – I got a new oven. I won’t go into detail as to why this was huge and life-changing. Just trust me.
But… I started baking like a maniac and probably gained ten pounds.

March – The kids are home with me all the time now.
But… The kids are home with me all the time now.

April – I had fun doing math I forgot I knew how to do. I even got on calls with a couple of my daughter’s friends in different grades to help them with their math. Math is my thing. One of my things. There’s also the coffee thing and the design thing and the whole darkness thing.
But… We had to have Easter at my house for the first time ever instead of at Mom’s with my sisters. It was sad and disappointing.

May – I noticed my finances improving because I stopped spending money since I barely leave the house.
But… I barely leave the house.

June – I had a birthday.
But… I have aged. Like, I’ve aged about a year per month since March.

July – I managed to sneak in two trips to visit Mom during lighter virus restrictions.
But… Who the fuck knows when I’ll be able to visit her again?

August – I read a bazillion books.
But… I didn’t do much else. And hearing about all the shit people are accomplishing during quarantine really gets on my nerves. Stop rubbing it in. Yeah, you’re super productive. Goody for you. Now shut the fuck up.

My final total was actually 159.

September – Back to school. Yay!
But… School is remote. And so… the kids are home with me all the time.

October – Why can’t I remember what happened in October? Was I in an isolation-induced haze? Maybe I was on a Halloween-candy-induced high?
But… Halloween was basically cancelled.

November – Biden won! Woo fucking hoo!
But… We couldn’t have our traditional yearly party at Mom’s for my kid’s birthday. And Thanksgiving was sad. No big family dinner. It just wasn’t the same.

December – Christmas at our home with just the four of us was better than I expected. I told my kids and husband that I was worried I would be inconsolable having to spend the holiday without my mom and sisters for the first time in my life. I told them they needed to stick a sunshine stick up their asses and make it a good Christmas—no kids arguing, no husband being Cranky McCrankypants. Yes, I used those exact words. And it worked! We even had game night on Christmas Eve! Haven’t been able to get the whole family to do that for years. We had fun. Plus Christmas cookies!
But… By some time on December 26th, it seemed that my family removed their sunshine sticks. And the cookies are gone.

           

Other thoughts…
I have not been in my house alone since March 12th. That’s nearly ten months, people! Ten fucking long months. When I have a virtual appointment with my MH NP, I sit in the car so I have privacy. Not kidding. I do that.

Explicit detail follows…
My vibrator isn’t quiet enough and my house isn’t big enough so we kind of broke up. It’s heartbreaking. We were so close. I miss him. I’m thinking of getting a newer model that’s quieter, but I’ll still be afraid to get caught and have to come up with some lame-ass explanation.

Kind of a big deal…
One of my sisters works for Pfizer. So that’s pretty cool what with the vaccine and all.

Words and phrases overused in 2020 that I hope to never hear again…
Mindful/mindfulness. New normal. The ‘rona. (Oh my god, fucking shoot me.) Sounds like a you problem. Zoom. Quarantine Pod. Spill the tea. Social distancing. (It’s *physical* distancing, people. We need to keep a physical distance, not a social one. Well, unless you’re me. I need social distance, too. But I sure as fuck don’t call it that.) Literally (used incorrectly). Extra (used like a tween). Remote learning. Mask. (And yes, I wear a mask when I’m supposed to. I just hate it.)

As for 2021…
Well, my egg yolk broke this morning when I was making breakfast so that ruined my day. This is not a good start.

Ugh. Is that how 2021 is gonna be?

p.s. — I love how it took me until January 5th… five days… to finish writing this post. And I’d love to tell you it’s because my life is so full of fascinating and wonderful things, so I’m just going to go with that.

         
©2021 what sandra thinks

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thought for the day. #2

I was looking for one of those ‘Snuggie’ wearable blankets as a sort of joke Christmas gift, and I came across this. I don’t know if this is funny to everyone or if my sense of humor is fucked up… but I laughed for probably a solid ten minutes.

p.s. — I hope this brought you a laugh… or at least a smile. I’m having a good day sitting by my twinkling Christmas tree… even though I didn’t accomplish a damn thing today. Except, obviously, for finding a Snuggie with a kangaroo pocket big enough for a small cat. 

         
©2020 what sandra thinks

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alive… and live.

I’m alive! Miss me? No? Well, I’m here anyway. Sorry. I can sense your disappointment from here.

I have a new and improved (hopefully you’ll agree) RedBubble shop. Which is live. It’s called first draft because, really, most of my stuff looks like it was my first draft. I’m just not that advanced.

first draft

It has taken me too long to move out of the old shop and into the new one, especially with a ton of new designs. Most of them are funny. At least, they’re funny to me. Unfortunately, it’s already December the third so I’m late for the Christmas rush [that would probably never actually have come to my shop anyway].

As usual, I’ve likely missed the boat. That’s okay, I suppose, since I do tend to get a bit of seasickness. But only on big boats. Is that weird? I always wondered if that was weird.

I hope to be back here more often. I have actually written a *tiny* bit of new fiction. It’s a Christmas miracle. And I should hold onto that because I’m sure it’s the only one I’ll be getting.

p.s. — Yeah, I know it’s horrible of me to show up here after such a long absence only to promote my shop. In my defense, I have to take advantage of any opportunity to let the world know my shop exists. So I’m sorry, but not really. 

         
©2020 what sandra thinks

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yes.

Well, thank fuck.

p.s. — I can already feel the lines and dark circles on my face reversing.

         
©2020 what sandra thinks

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