one thousand.

woman-walking-snow

A thousand miles from you
Even the clouds are blue
A thousand hours since
My lips last had your kiss
A thousand ways to cry
Since we said goodbye
A thousand dreams of when
I am in your arms again

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A thousand followers have appeared…
Thank you so much for being here.

(My sincere apologies for how cheesy those last two lines are…)

1000 followers

©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in blogging, milestone, poetry, writing | Tagged , , , , | 15 Comments

the doctor is in.

the doctor is in.

No… not that kind of doctor.
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snoopy-tardis

No… not that kind either.
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In two days, my son is going to be 12… and after 11 birthdays, we’re running out of themes. Batman, The Avengers, Star Wars, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Flash… and a bunch more… we’ve done them all. But I must make a party invitation. It’s my thing. And I hate to think he’s getting too old for a ‘theme‘ (other than technology and money, his two favorite gifts).

Enter Doctor Strange. How could one not enjoy this movie? (No, don’t tell me. I like thinking everyone loved it as much as I did.)

doctor strange

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I decided to use his iconic cape in my design… since it already has a life of its own…

doctor strange cape

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Here’s the result of me spending way too much time on this… stand up collar and all. [Oh yes — I really did print one fake invitation with no personal info… my son’s name is not ‘boy’!]

doctor strange | what sandra thinks

(If you’ve seen the movie, you may be amused by the fake street address…)

Now… I must come up with an idea for the cake. Which has to be chocolate. With chocolate. And also, chocolate.

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©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in art, design, writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 44 Comments

it’s just me.

me.


I have certain characteristics… and a very particular set of skills…

particular

 No, seriously. Specific traits and abilities come to mind when I think of myself… and I imagine when others think of me, too. (Assuming anyone other than ‘me’ ever thinks about ‘me’.) Some things have become so closely associated with me that they’ve become expectations… they’ve become who I am.

Creative. Intelligent. Funny. Talented. Sarcastic.

Coffee addict. Writer. Artist. Baker. Wearer of all things black.  

These things are me. I embrace them.

And then there are these…

Negative. Sad. Lonely. Hopeless. Anxious. Cynical.

These things are also me. I think part of me embraces these, too. Which, I know, sounds totally nuts.

It’s not intentional. Not really. But they have become a part of me. And much like losing my brains or my coffee addiction, losing these feels like I’m losing me. It feels like I’m going to disappoint someone who thinks they know me.

What the hell kind of fucked up is that? Truly. If there is anyone out there who isn’t going to like me anymore because I’m no longer sad or hopeless or negative… fuck them! Right?

So why does it feel like I’m not being ‘true to myself’ if I feel good? What the hell is that?!?

I don’t understand me. I am messed up. I don’t want to be sad and hopeless.

cynical cat.

Cynical… well, that’s different. That’s never going away.

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©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in anxiety, writing | Tagged , , , , | 63 Comments

52 weeks of drawings. 2.

wst | 52 weeks of drawings.

week 2: self — in 20 minutes

I tend to put too much pressure on myself… to do everything and do it perfectly. It’s ridiculous. So… I set a timer for this drawing… 15 minutes to draw, 5 minutes to mess with it. No chance of perfection!

Posting this is kind of a huge deal for me since I’ve never posted a picture of myself. I figure I’m still mostly anonymous with a drawing that I did in 20 minutes… and if I freak out, I can always take it away… ha!

I think I look about 16 (and I am not)… but I do think it looks like me. I guess it doesn’t really matter… you don’t have any basis for comparison! (Well, three of you do…)

week 2 - self - whatsandrathinks

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©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in art, drawing, writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 47 Comments

song of the day. #19

song of the day.

Something has to change. I desperately want it to ‘just happen‘ but that’s bloody unlikely. I’m tired of trudging through day after day wishing, begging, and generally dying to feel better. I’m tired of telling my heart to slow down. I’m tired of taking relaxing breaths for so long that I get lightheaded… yet feeling just as anxious as before minutes later. I’m tired of everything feeling like it’s so hard…

I don’t know what I’m going to do. In my mind, my damn mathematical, analytical, logical mind, I have this invisible list of things to try. Obvious things that shouldn’t be so hard. But the fucked up part of my mind tells me none of those things will work. And it tries… and often succeeds… in convincing me those things are pointless… so I should just give up. ‘Fuck it… you suck and nothing you do ever works,’ says the bitch voice in my head. But I know (again, logical…) that’s not a given. Once I hit that… once I get to the logical, rational thoughts, I need to STOP my fucked up side from jumping back in and ‘winning‘ that battle. Because that fucked up side is on a winning streak and it needs to end.

And I almost just made a sports analogy which is so far out of character for me that it makes me wonder if my brain actually is trying to change. Or maybe I’ve just cracked.

This song may seem like a huge downer… but to me, it’s hopeful… ish. Hopeful-ish. I know… pathetic… but better than hopeless.

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Good times for a change
See, the luck I’ve had
Can make a good man
Turn bad

So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time

Haven’t had a dream in a long time
See, the life I’ve had
Can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time

song of the day

song of the day
Obviously I am not the owner of any rights to this song, this video, or these lyrics… just everything else… which isn’t much… © 2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in music, writing | Tagged , , , , , | 27 Comments

art: the prints. #3

art | what sandra thinks

I’m not in a great state of mind. Everything is just… wrong. I guess that’s why I chose something fitting the current state of my life. Well, not a thing. A him.

Continue reading

Posted in art, writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments