This is part 20 of secret admirer. ♥ [Late again… sorry, loves.]
[Previously posted: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19]
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My first blog post was on the 14th of September 2015. I’m sad that WordPress didn’t give me a one-year notification… I would have liked to write about this on the 14th… but here we are…
Let me begin by saying that you should all immediately go back to my first post and read my entire blog. Ahaha. Seriously, if anyone actually does that, please tell me so I can give you a big kiss… and the name of a good therapist.
You already know how much I appreciate you all (I hope you know that)… I am so grateful for your support and encouragement with everything from fiction to poetry to my fucked-up life. And I feel that I have to include an apology for… oh, I’m sure you know the reason.
I’ve been having trouble communicating lately. I wish I had more beautiful things to say to you all… but I can’t seem to find the words. Oh, the irony.
Thanks for being here, for reading, for sharing your thoughts. I truly hope you’ll stick around…
♥ sandra
Trapped in this box
Only big enough for one
Somehow I know
It could be twice the size
Yet I would remain alone
I understand
You cannot fix me
I never asked for a miracle
But you can love me
Or maybe you cannot
If no one has the answer
They cannot know
What is right
Or what is wrong
Still I listened
I did their right
But it feels wrong
Maybe I already knew
Right is wrong for me
Yet wrong is not right
It seems my solution
Has become the opposite
I am forever lost
And I don’t know why
I torture myself…
I am a complex individual. (And that is a gross simplification of my disastrous brain.) But I do love that my kids have inherited some of me — the good things, anyway. (I guess there are a few…) But, of course, they got some of the crap, too. Poor kids.
I hate that my son worries a lot.
I love that he is a math genius and that he has amazing artistic talent and a great sense of humor.
I hate that my daughter loves dessert so much. And dip. All kinds of dip. (With chips, obviously.)
I love her beautiful blue eyes and her selflessness and spontaneity. And her love of creative writing.
Last night, the sunset was beautiful. But we have too many trees around our house. I grabbed my keys… “I’m going out to look for a better view… Who wants to come?”
Predictably, only little Miss Spontaneity. My husband and son barely looked up from their phones. [I was so tempted to stop for ice cream on our way home. Lazy boys get none! But, now, that’s setting a bad example for my girl… right? I guess super-bitch with ice cream wouldn’t be a good thing for her to inherit…]
Off we went. Of course, time does not stand still so I knew we had to go somewhere nearby. The lake… close enough. Kind of.
Please excuse my terrible photography skills. Also, I took these with my phone. (That’s a good excuse for crappy photos, right?)
He’s the one
I’m sure of it
Until he’s gone
I guess we didn’t fit
I found him
Perfect and sweet
He let me down
The scars he left run deep
It’s real this time
I know it is
But he loves her
I can never be his
When you walked in
I fell in love so fast
I was a fool once more
To believe you’d be the last.
—
This is my song today… and clearly my inspiration.
(Wow… this is too old to have a video… please infer nothing about my age from this matter.)
This is part 19 of secret admirer. ♥ (I know, it’s already Monday… so very sorry.)
[Previously posted: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18]
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