This may be too much information… and it may be really boring… but I don’t care. I’m floating.

The woman who prepped me for my procedure this morning recognized me from last time (the failed initial diagnostic procedure). It’s a very busy office so it was nice that she remembered me. Maybe I left a lasting impression because I was so nervous then… and again today.

After she asked me about 500 questions to which she already knew the answers but she had to ask anyway, she put in my IV. Then back-pain doctor came out to talk to me for a minute about the procedure (injection). He’s so nice… which is great. I’d hate to have to deal with a doctor I don’t like.

He asked me if I had any questions. I said no… just nervous… what with a needle about to be inserted into my back. And I sort of laughed and said, “Don’t miss!

Yeah, I make jokes when I’m super anxious. Or nervous. Or scared. Or when I’m about to have a big fat injection in my back. Hell, I make jokes all the time… even when it’s totally inappropriate to do so. Humor is my coping mechanism. Sometimes.

Anyway… the doc obviously has a decent sense of humor because he said, “Don’t worry. I use the force.

Then I was on the table… and the other doc was giving me stuff through the IV. Something for sedation… and something for pain. (Don’t worry… I wasn’t sedating and driving. No driving allowed for me for 24 hours.) Then the injection… which was over quickly.

Finally, another guy helped me back out to the ‘pre-op‘ room so I wouldn’t fall or anything. Yes… four different people were involved in this injection… they make you feel very well taken care of. Fourth guy gave me some juice since I’d been fasting before the procedure and I was probably visibly loopy at this point. He told me all the aftercare stuff I needed to know. And he gave me that info on paper, too, which is essential because, again… loopy.

Then he walked me out to my driver. I mean husband. And also driver.

Once at home, I tried to make something to eat. That was fun since I was still kind of floating. But I hadn’t eaten for about 16 hours. So it was necessary. I ate. I finally had some coffee. And then I couldn’t keep my eyes open, despite the coffee. I slept, on and off, for two or three hours. I also got a killer headache… which the doc mentioned could happen. I still have it now… along with some residual floaty-ness. Which is why I should be sleeping again… but here I sit at 1 o’clock in the morning typing this.


Now I wait. What I was told was that I could have more pain or different pain for a couple of days… and that it will take a week or two for the injection to ‘work‘. Hopefully that actually happens. No guarantees, though. I really have no idea what’s going to happen.

What I know is that I don’t like waiting. I have no patience.


©2018 what sandra thinks

Posted in life, writing | Tagged , , , , | 24 Comments

just stuff.

I don’t know if this is an update… or a venting session… or just me being overwhelmed…

• • •

Stupid phone.
My phone decided that it didn’t want to update apps anymore. First, the updates were taking forever. Then, my phone froze. Finally, I got it to restart… but I still can’t update. Husband… who is good with tech issues… is still trying to find a solution. So far, nothing. But I can’t just stop updating my apps forever.

This sort of thing seems to happen to me often. I think I’m tech-jinxed. I have never treated my phone with anything but respect. I’m careful with it… keep it nearby… have never dropped it or anything like that. Yet still… it torments me with issues. I do not have ‘extra’ (or any) money lying around for a new phone.

I think I’m done with A – K now… but I reserve the right to edit everything! Only 15 letters to go…

The pain.
Tomorrow morning, I go in for the latest attempt to help my back pain. I’m really nervous and scared. I feel like I’m going to be sick. I have a headache. I’m just a mess. My worries and fears are as follows: What if something goes wrong? What if it hurts? What if it doesn’t work? 

And I don’t like talking about this. I guess I think it makes me seem weak.


©2018 what sandra thinks

Posted in life, writing | Tagged , , | 25 Comments

dreams. #1linerWeds

I have dreams, you know.

source: Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!
words and pictures by Mo Willems


[Posted for One-Liner Wednesday… for which I’m sure the ‘one line’ is supposed to be my own… but this is not… because I do what I want.]


♥ what sandra thinks

Posted in humor, writing | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

another (bigger) snow day.

Maybe it’s time to watch Thor: Ragnarok again…

Welcome to New England! Isn’t it lovely? I’m in that 16-20 inch area. Thankfully, I have a snowblower. And someone who blows (lol) who is not me.

School was cancelled at about 4pm yesterday… well before the snow started. That never happened when I was a kid. School was never cancelled until morning. My son even found a “Chance of Snow Day” calculator online.

We lost power for a couple of hours earlier this morning. My laptop wasn’t fully charged. And more importantly, I couldn’t make coffee. (Who has instant coffee in the house? Actually… I needed it for baking once but that was a LONG time ago…)

The power’s back now, though. Hey, Tony, I guess there’s my “I’m lucky” moment for the week… month… year. Pthbthth…

Here’s where I was going to post a picture of the snow but the wind is so strong that I got covered in snow as soon as I opened the door. I thought that’d be bad for my phone. Maybe I can take a few pictures when it ends. Which will be tomorrow.


Seems like a good time to post this picture again. (Of course, there’s no bad time…)

divider dots.
©2018 what sandra thinks

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help me out…

This is going to sound like a really weird question… but I seriously need to know. It’s research… for something I’m writing.

Do people still use the word slut? whore? ho? What’s the current way to refer to a woman (a friend, even) of extremely loose morals? I don’t want to sound… uh… outdated.

Thank you for assisting in my very important literary research.



Posted in writing | Tagged , | 41 Comments

in that moment. #poetry

I found this in my ‘rejected poem’ file. I guess I didn’t like it… or maybe I posted a different version of it? I don’t think I ever did. But my memory sucks…


He fell for her in that moment
The one where his heart was stolen
He was sure he would never recover
His only dream was to love her
He couldn’t imagine her with another
That was more than he could suffer
Because he had always known
He wanted her for his own


©2018 what sandra thinks

Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , | 30 Comments

april is coming. #socs

It’s three weeks away. It’s not coming that soon… but it’s on its way.

April is when the A-to-Z challenge happens. I’m happy with my theme… kind of excited about it… it’s fun and creative and I love it. I hope you like it, too. I’ve been working on it so I won’t be overwhelmed once the challenge begins, but I wish I was farther along. I’ve only written A to F so far. Only twenty letters to go! Only… ha! I have lots of ideas and notes but I need to write. More. Plus, of course, I’m trying to continue posting now as well. I don’t plan to go dark between now and April. I mean, go dark as in not post. I’ve long since gone dark in every other way…

• • •

As this is my “Stream of Consciousness Saturday” post (no editing, etc…), I’m going to ramble now.

I’ve been up and down over the last few days. I think I have motion sickness. It makes writing a challenge. I’m glad, though, to have found something that makes me feel clearer… that thing being cleaning/organizing/purging stuff. And coffee. Don’t forget the coffee. I also splurged and bought myself a bar of dark chocolate that I’ve been enjoying very slowly. Like, a bite-sized piece each day. Even I’m amazed at my self-control on that one. I’m usually pretty weak. Over more than just chocolate.

It helps me, sometimes, to hear a different perspective than my own. I mean, sometimes it doesn’t help because I can’t bring myself to see things some ways. I guess some things just don’t click inside me. But earlier this week, someone said something to me that hit me in a way nothing has for quite a while. I didn’t even realize what I was doing to myself until she said this to me. So far, her alternate perspective has yet to prove itself, for lack of a better way to put that… but it’s a better way of seeing things than my previous ‘view‘.

Not that the old perspective doesn’t still scream at me in the background. One of these days, maybe I’ll learn to silence the parts of my brain that really need to shut the fuck up.

Until then, you get my rambling, like-night-and-day, mixed-up thoughts.

Aren’t you lucky?


©2018 what sandra thinks

Posted in life, writing | Tagged , , , , | 26 Comments

my (little) best friend.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my daughter. I’m with both of my kids a lot, but with her, it’s more than just being in the same place.

I think she’s my best friend. Of course, she’s 10 so it’s not your typical best-friend relationship. And of course, since I’m her mom, she acts like I’m not there when her friends are around or she’s on her phone with them. You know, like I’m embarrassing or something. Typical kid stuff.

But when we hang out, and we do, it’s the best. She’s silly and funny. She loves to do stuff with Mom. And she is a genuinely nice kid. She would do anything for anyone. Makes me want to do anything for her. I mean, she’s my kid. I’d do anything for either of my kids. But it’s the little things she asks for… things we can do together… just us girls. “Can you take me out to buy new headphones?” “Want to watch YouTube with me?” “Can we go get coffee?” [Hold on… I’m not a horrible mom. She’s 10… I get the coffee… she gets chocolate milk… or strawberry milk… or coffee milk (yum).]

So we do those things. Go shopping… get coffee… watch ridiculous things on YouTube… watch Spider-Man: Homecoming twenty times because she thinks the boy is cute. (Maybe when she grows up, she’ll realize it’s really all about Thor.) We even clean together… she loves to organize things.

She’s even going through a phase where she likes to have Mom-time every night before she goes to bed. I think it’s a phase, anyway. I should enjoy it while it lasts because I’m guessing that when she hits her teenage years, she probably won’t want anything to do with me.

Tonight, she’s sleeping over at a friend’s house. Of course I said yes when she asked… but I’m going to miss Mom-time tonight.


©2018 what sandra thinks

Posted in family, life, parenting, writing | Tagged , , , , , | 34 Comments