a slight delay with my a to z post. #atozchallenge

I’m experiencing some technical difficulties.

And by “technical difficulties“, I mean that I wrote eight words and I’ve been staring at them for the last 90 minutes while simultaneously trying to stay awake.

It’s only day three. God, I am such a failure.

I had some thoughts for my C post, but I can’t get my shit together and write anything. And those thoughts are mixed up pieces of different ideas jumbled up in my head with the approximately 36788492 other things bouncing around in there. (I don’t have a big head. It’s just really really crowded in there.)

I have anxiety. Not, like, “I feel kind of anxious today.” More like, “Sandra, you have an anxiety disorder.

I will finish this challenge if it kills me.

Please note: It might kill me.

No. I know it won’t.

The harder it is for me to write, the more anxious I get about it. Also, the more anxious I get about it, the harder it is for me to write. Which makes me anxious. Do you see where I’m going with this? Yes. That’s right. Nowhere.

For tonight, I have accepted that my C post just isn’t going to happen. And by “accepted“, I mean that I hate myself and feel like a complete failure, but I need to get some sleep. I will have to try to write C and D tomorrow. And fuck, that is making me anxious.

Thanks for being patient with me.

(Why couldn’t it be like last April when the words were pouring out of me with seemingly little effort and I was at least five letters ahead the whole time?)

I need him today. Every day. But especially today.
Hot guy: Simone Bredariol (sexy as hell Italian model)

p.s. — I am so disappointed in myself. 

©2023 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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6 Responses to a slight delay with my a to z post. #atozchallenge

  1. Miss Andi says:

    Hey Sandra, hope today will be better. Just know that you’re NOT a failure. Ups and downs happen. But you know what, you make the rules. If your letter C has 9 words, it’s fine. If you skip it, it’s also fine. Don’t let the vicious cycle of making your anxiety the focus take over the whole challenge. It’s for you, not the other way around! Let the new day start afresh! 💚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Shilpa Gupte says:

    Hey Sandra, it’s absolutely okay if you aren’t able to write on some days. Life is such. But that doesn’t make you a failure. Anxiety can be such a monster. Don’t give it permission to trouble you in any way. Just shove it in the trash and take a break. Sleep well and give yourself some TLC. I am sure soon you will come up with another drool-worthy story. Take care! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. scr4pl80 says:

    One year there were three letters that I just couldn’t finish in time so I did them in May. No pressure here.

    Liked by 1 person

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