I’m a fraud. #writing #art

… and sooner or later, everyone will find out. Sooner, I guess, since I’m telling you…

It’s happening again. I’ve written three posts since last night and I’ve trashed them all. They’re crap.

Aaaand… I just wrote a paragraph here in this post and deleted it.

WTF?

I can’t figure out what I want to say. Or how to say it. Or if I have anything to say at all.

It used to be that I had so much to say… whether it was fiction, poetry, an idea for a blog post… I’d be grabbing my laptop, notebook, phone, post-it note… whatever I could get my hands on to write at every spare moment. I still grab whatever’s around when I have a thought… but those thoughts… they’re disappearing. I feel so… uninspired.

It’s not just writing. It’s my art/design, too… I had ideas bouncing all over the place just days ago… and now… I have nothing. Well, nothing good.

It feels like any ‘success‘ I’ve found with art or writing was a fluke. It feels like I’ve been pretending to be a writer… an artist. But the truth is coming out… the jig is up.

It feels like lies. All lies. And by the way… this is why I both want and fear finding a dream job as a writer or an artist. Because my inspiration is fickle. What happens when I have to do a job… but I’ve got no ideas? What then? Shouldn’t a writer be able to write? Shouldn’t an artist be able to create?

Okay, I can do those things, technically… but lately, with minimal inspiration, not well.

I guess I’m having a ‘block‘. But that just feels like an excuse… a label for my inadequacy. It doesn’t make me feel better. And of course it changes nothing.

It happens to everyone…” I don’t want to hear that any more than a middle-aged guy with a sexual dysfunction wants to hear it.

It makes me feel like a fraud. And someone’s going to find me out. Oh wait… everyone is going to find me out… because I just told you everything…

• • •

[Just watch… tomorrow I’ll find inspiration and then I’ll look like a nutball for posting this. But if I can have my inspiration back, I can live with that.]

swirl.
©2017 what sandra thinks

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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92 Responses to I’m a fraud. #writing #art

  1. cwhiteweb says:

    Haha yess!! I know that feeling. I’ve gone through the same (still do) and its the reason I fear writing for a living. What happens when writers block is longer than usual? Lose your job?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Obol says:

    Definitely a frustrating place to be. Perhaps expose yourself to an artistic style you’re not familiar with? Go easy on yourself, too. Artists that become machines are probably not artists anymore. Good luck!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Nice of you to call me a middle-aged guy, but how the hell do you know about my sexual dysfunction?

    Liked by 3 people

  4. You, and we, know better than that. Simply go for a walk, observe people or things or a pile of leaves or a dude cleaning his windows. Whatever. Something will come to you. But putting this much pressure on yourself is counter-productive, man. Your brain is running a 24 hour sprint. Relax, breathe. Mojo is a fickle friend. You know it’ll be back. But forcing it when it’s not willing is a recipe for frustration. I firmly disbelieve (Is that a word? No wonder I suck at Scrabble) the title of this post, by the way. 😏

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Captain Q says:

    I think there’s an element of fake it until you make it with every post I make. I say keep posting until you decide you’re tired of it. 😃

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Hi Sandra. I feel like that too a lot of the time. I guess it’s because writing is sort of a lonely thing and we get feedback very rarely. We are our own worst critic. Don’t give up, as long as you are writing yo are a writer x

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Miriam says:

    At the end of the day we’re all frauds. So you’re not alone Sandra. We’re only human. Go easy on yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Meg says:

    I hear you and totally sympathize. I haven’t written anything new in months except those semi-lame updates on my revisions and editing tasks. I’m going to skip the cliches because I hate them as much as you do! However, I’m counting on weathering this gloom and coming out on the other side. You will too. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  9. stephieann8 says:

    I totally understand. I feel this way at times too. It is also very normal!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Oh, gosh, me, too. I don’t know w hat to do about it. I’ve tried just writing whatever but nothing seems inspired. I guess it will end at some point…

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Tony Burgess says:

    On Tuesday I posted one thing, one thing. Some days creativity is in short supply. It’s all good my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Paolo B. says:

    I think that we all feel like we’re living a lie some of the time..or most of the time 😛 Totally relate to that feeling. Do I really know what I’m doing or did I just get lucky to make it this far? It’s all a lie, they’re all going to find out! Truth is, no one really know’s what they’re doing. We’re all just doing the best we can, and that’s no lie. Something will come to you eventually, something always does.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I guess we all do feel like that, don’t we? Some people really seem to have it together but maybe even they don’t know what they’re doing. I think I grow very impatient when I’m stuck like this… I hate not being able to write…!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. These things happen. You have to give yourself permission to relax. The more you stress, the worse it’ll be.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I did that for years. Sometimes a poem would rreappear that i thought wasnt that great. But, years later, i realized i was being too critical and that the poem was great. Give yourself a chance and dont be ao hard on yourself!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. remissartist says:

    It’s called imposter syndrome and it’s basically all self inflicted lies. What you have to do is tell yourself the opposite and take some pressure off the ole idea maker.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. gumersindo says:

    . I’m too self-critical…

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Kate Dawson says:

    This. So this. I struggle constantly with exactly what you have described.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. okamikatyusha says:

    Awwh yeah it’s all stupid 😦 I hope all the best for you ❤ ^,…,^

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Mia Kiraki says:

    I relate so much to this! Your writing is amazing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I completely understand this and connect to it on a high level. I can never figure out concepts for my artwork, but then I see other people’s art and I just become crazy jealous because I want their imagination and want to know how they can think of these amazing concepts. So I completely understand what you’re saying in this post.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. Pingback: I changed my mind. | what sandra thinks

  22. Halah says:

    This is so true! As an amatuer ‘self-proclaimed’ writer myself, I feel like I lack in inspiration and motivation when it comes to writing things outside of assignments.. I often have the doubt that I’m not good enough, that my writing, as you said, is a fluke, and tht I am a fraud. But I think thats the thing, there isn’t really any such thing as originality. I think, for me anyway, I focus so hard on producing original never-before-seen content, that I forget what it is I really want to say. I completely understand what you’re going through, I’ve experienced it myself so many times.

    Liked by 2 people

    • The lack of inspiration is very frustrating. It’s been going on for quite a while for me and I hate it! It definitely makes me feel like I’m a fraud! I’m glad people understand. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this!

      Liked by 1 person

  23. avorkov says:

    Write now, and worry about whether you’re a fraud later (you’ll be pleasantly surprised by what you discover).

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Honestly, in my opinion, the fact that you bravely wrote this post proves to me that you are not a fraud. Admitting to our flaws is part of being a writer! You seem pretty dang real to me. Good luck breaking through this fog

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Cassandra Tromoya says:

    I know exactly how you feel. I was feeling pretty useless last week because I couldn’t write, sketch, or paint. At some point, I was sitting on the kitchen floor crying with an entire tray of brownies. I feel a lot better this week, I’m launching a new blog, I’m painting (still can’t sketch). I think it’s just part of being an artist or writer, you’re always sharing and maybe sometimes your creative nature just needs a little break. The fantastic news is that it doesn’t last. You’ll be back to your inspired and creative self soon enough.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I really wish my inspiration would come back. But the fact is that it’s been almost two whole months and I’ve got nothing still. I think I’m just done… I don’t think it’s ever coming back… 😦

      Like

      • Cassandra Tromoya says:

        Don’t be so hard on yourself. I don’t know if this might work for you but it does for me. When I’m really stuck, I spend a few days focusing my creative energy on journalling.

        Liked by 1 person

  26. Sorry to hear you have been bitten by the inadequacy bug! Mine is generally a large, black thing with sixteen legs, beady little eyes that glow red at night and a couple of large fang-like protuberances sprouting from what could be described as a mouth if it wasn’t a gaping hole of doom. I call him Fred. When I’m really stuck I think about things that make me feel, whatever that feeling may be (love, hope, angst, fear, hatred…anything). I focus on it and then put pen to paper in a stream of consciousness experiment. Whatever comes out, and it is usually garbage, I leave for a while and then have a look at it a few days later. Generally there is a word or a line or two that captures my interest. I pull that bit out and start writing something based on that. Generally I get into some sort of flow and I am inspired again. One thing I do know for sure, sitting staring at a blank page is the WORST way to try and get over a block. I also meditate to have hallucinations and out of body experiences. All sorts of weird ideas come from that. I hope you get back on track soon.

    Liked by 2 people

  27. I tend to lay in bed listening to a 30 minute guided meditation track from a psychotherapist I had several years ago. I did a pain management course for my rheumatoid arthritis and the meditation was the most helpful part of the whole thing. I’ve got an mp3 version of the track if you’d like to try it?

    Liked by 2 people

  28. I just keep drawing all the bad ideas get them out my system before I move on to a better one, I can’t talk about writing as I don’t write but this is why I love sketch books. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  29. alwaysban says:

    Same feels! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  30. timholman says:

    What is the piece your most proud of, or heard from others that it was good? Where did you find inspiration for it?

    Liked by 1 person

  31. romanobinye says:

    Most of us get the block……I sometimes record my thoughts when it hits me.
    Found some write up, I dunno if it’s gonna be of any help
    https://tipsyovy.wordpress.com/2017/12/10/the-art-of-writingits-in-you/

    Like

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