I’m a fraud. #writing #art

… and sooner or later, everyone will find out. Sooner, I guess, since I’m telling you…

It’s happening again. I’ve written three posts since last night and I’ve trashed them all. They’re crap.

Aaaand… I just wrote a paragraph here in this post and deleted it.

WTF?

I can’t figure out what I want to say. Or how to say it. Or if I have anything to say at all.

It used to be that I had so much to say… whether it was fiction, poetry, an idea for a blog post… I’d be grabbing my laptop, notebook, phone, post-it note… whatever I could get my hands on to write at every spare moment. I still grab whatever’s around when I have a thought… but those thoughts… they’re disappearing. I feel so… uninspired.

It’s not just writing. It’s my art/design, too… I had ideas bouncing all over the place just days ago… and now… I have nothing. Well, nothing good.

It feels like any ‘success‘ I’ve found with art or writing was a fluke. It feels like I’ve been pretending to be a writer… an artist. But the truth is coming out… the jig is up.

It feels like lies. All lies. And by the way… this is why I both want and fear finding a dream job as a writer or an artist. Because my inspiration is fickle. What happens when I have to do a job… but I’ve got no ideas? What then? Shouldn’t a writer be able to write? Shouldn’t an artist be able to create?

Okay, I can do those things, technically… but lately, with minimal inspiration, not well.

I guess I’m having a ‘block‘. But that just feels like an excuse… a label for my inadequacy. It doesn’t make me feel better. And of course it changes nothing.

It happens to everyone…” I don’t want to hear that any more than a middle-aged guy with a sexual dysfunction wants to hear it.

It makes me feel like a fraud. And someone’s going to find me out. Oh wait… everyone is going to find me out… because I just told you everything…

• • •

[Just watch… tomorrow I’ll find inspiration and then I’ll look like a nutball for posting this. But if I can have my inspiration back, I can live with that.]

swirl.
©2017 what sandra thinks

Advertisements

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves music, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
This entry was posted in art, writing and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

51 Responses to I’m a fraud. #writing #art

  1. cwhiteweb says:

    Haha yess!! I know that feeling. I’ve gone through the same (still do) and its the reason I fear writing for a living. What happens when writers block is longer than usual? Lose your job?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Obol says:

    Definitely a frustrating place to be. Perhaps expose yourself to an artistic style you’re not familiar with? Go easy on yourself, too. Artists that become machines are probably not artists anymore. Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Nice of you to call me a middle-aged guy, but how the hell do you know about my sexual dysfunction?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You, and we, know better than that. Simply go for a walk, observe people or things or a pile of leaves or a dude cleaning his windows. Whatever. Something will come to you. But putting this much pressure on yourself is counter-productive, man. Your brain is running a 24 hour sprint. Relax, breathe. Mojo is a fickle friend. You know it’ll be back. But forcing it when it’s not willing is a recipe for frustration. I firmly disbelieve (Is that a word? No wonder I suck at Scrabble) the title of this post, by the way. 😏

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Captain Q says:

    I think there’s an element of fake it until you make it with every post I make. I say keep posting until you decide you’re tired of it. 😃

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Sandra. I feel like that too a lot of the time. I guess it’s because writing is sort of a lonely thing and we get feedback very rarely. We are our own worst critic. Don’t give up, as long as you are writing yo are a writer x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Miriam says:

    At the end of the day we’re all frauds. So you’re not alone Sandra. We’re only human. Go easy on yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Meg says:

    I hear you and totally sympathize. I haven’t written anything new in months except those semi-lame updates on my revisions and editing tasks. I’m going to skip the cliches because I hate them as much as you do! However, I’m counting on weathering this gloom and coming out on the other side. You will too. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  9. stephieann8 says:

    I totally understand. I feel this way at times too. It is also very normal!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh, gosh, me, too. I don’t know w hat to do about it. I’ve tried just writing whatever but nothing seems inspired. I guess it will end at some point…

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Tony Burgess says:

    On Tuesday I posted one thing, one thing. Some days creativity is in short supply. It’s all good my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Paolo B. says:

    I think that we all feel like we’re living a lie some of the time..or most of the time 😛 Totally relate to that feeling. Do I really know what I’m doing or did I just get lucky to make it this far? It’s all a lie, they’re all going to find out! Truth is, no one really know’s what they’re doing. We’re all just doing the best we can, and that’s no lie. Something will come to you eventually, something always does.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I guess we all do feel like that, don’t we? Some people really seem to have it together but maybe even they don’t know what they’re doing. I think I grow very impatient when I’m stuck like this… I hate not being able to write…!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. These things happen. You have to give yourself permission to relax. The more you stress, the worse it’ll be.

    Liked by 1 person

thoughts? talk to me.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s