I changed my mind.

And I may change it again. I don’t know. But…

As of now… I don’t think I’m going to fully stock my Etsy shop or make any sort of official ‘announcement‘ here. Not now… maybe not ever? Undecided. I don’t know if anyone has been waiting to hear about it… or if everyone forgot about it. In any case, it’s open with a few items for sale, but I’m not going to go any further with it right now. In fact, I might close it (before it ever really ‘opens’). I’m not sure.

[The RedBubble shop… what sandra makes… is still up… and will remain open. With the RedBubble shop, unlike Etsy, I am a mere designer. Etsy has overhead and more work involved. Granted the profit is significantly lower on RedBubble… but it’s far less stressful… far less pressure. That’s huge for me.]

For now… the Etsy shop sits there. Finally named… ten cards available… no one finding them anyway. Do I even share a link here? I don’t know. It all scares me. Whatever confidence and motivation I had when I set it up is gone.

I know it’s ridiculous not to go full-steam ahead with Etsy after I agonized over a name for so long… but I don’t think I can do this right now. It’s too bad, really, since the holidays are coming. It should be the perfect time for me to ‘launch‘. But I just don’t think I can. I don’t want to get myself in over my head. Hell, I still feel like a fraud anyway.

Who even buys cards anymore anyway? Probably not very many people. And there are already so many card shops on Etsy… no one would ever find me, never mind buy from me. Right? Seriously… who would care about my stuff?

Maybe I’ll change my mind tomorrow… or in a week… or some other time… and I’ll move forward with this. But right now? As pathetic as it may be, I think it’s too much for me.

Everything feels like too much for me right now. I’m on autopilot with the necessities… cleaning, cooking, getting the kids where they need to be and back. But beyond that, I’m useless.

I’m not sure what happened over the last week. I just know that I am having a lot of trouble with everything… big things, little things… everything. I cry so easily… and then I can’t stop. I don’t think I should be around people because it pains me to see happiness when I can’t have any. Maybe it’s wrong to say that… or feel that… but it’s the truth. I am in a tremendous amount of pain and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I guess ‘shut down‘ is what I’m going with.

Unless (Until?) I change my mind again…

 


©2017 what sandra thinks

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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57 Responses to I changed my mind.

  1. A lady is entitled to change her mind, any number of times. Time for another Black and White with a hint of colour methinks.
    Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say to convince you that you can and should do this. To not sabotage your work, and yourself, at every turn. You have talent. You’re great. Just wish someone…anyone…could make you see it.

    That said, you know you better than anybody. If you don’t think it’s the right time, then that’s up to you. I’d just say this about it: nothing ventured, nothing gained. I understand where you’re head is though. I’m kinda there right now myself. But I hope you decide to not give up on it…or yourself.

    I’m here if you need to talk. You know where to find me.

    Liked by 3 people

    • For the past week, as you may have noticed, I’ve been a complete disaster. Something happened… I have a couple of ideas as to what that thing (or those things) may be… and I’m in a really low, helpless place. Honestly? It’s scaring me. I’ve had plenty of low moments but I don’t remember ever crying this much in the span of a week. I’m surprised I’m not dehydrated. Or maybe I am dehydrated.

      I am so panicked over the Etsy thing that I don’t see how I can possibly do it. Not now. I have been trying to get more stuff loaded for weeks now but I just can’t seem to do it. I start… and then I freak out about what happens if someone actually orders something. What if my aging laptop and printer finally bite the dust… what if… what if… And before I know it, I’m in a full blown panic attack.

      And I do still feel like a fraud. I have no inspiration at all. There’s nothing inside me. How can I design (or write, for that matter) anything when I have no ideas?

      For now, what’s there on Etsy will stay there… I’m not going to close it… but I don’t think there’s enough there to bother announcing anything here. Plus I’m too scared.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I hear ya’. I’m in a low point right now too. I feel like my job is stagnant, my photos are uninspired, I dread working the farm with darkness and cold coming, and the pieces we sell with the caps are like fucking drudgery right now. I don’t know that I’m the best person to be giving pep talks right now. But, I stand by what I said. I hope you don’t give up. I feel like I could, but I don’t have a choice. That pisses me off too.

        Man, aren’t we a pair? Jesus. 😏

        Liked by 1 person

        • I’m sorry your feeling this way. It really sucks. I hate to admit how often I feel like you describe… except fill in other things for the job, photos, farm, etc. I’ve felt uninspired for weeks. I can’t find a solution to the job/logistics issue. I’m scared to get myself into a position where I need to fill orders… what if I panic and can’t do it? I know it sounds ridiculous. Especially since, on the other hand, I’m afraid no one will buy anything ever at all. I need to figure out how to motivate myself to add more listings and stop being afraid to tell anyone that the shop exists.

          Oh, and I’m never the best person to give peep talks… especially since giving up seems to be the only thing I’m good at.

          I hope you’re back to your old self soon… cliches and all… 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          • We’ll see. I’m a pondering taking a break. My head and heart aren’t really in it at the moment.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Taking a break from what? Everything? 😦

              Liked by 1 person

              • Ha! I wish…sorta. I don’t know. Just not feelin’ it right now. I dread going to work, it’s dark and cold by the time I get home, but critters have to be fed, including the 3 boys. That’s not counting the 2 nights of archery practice plus tournaments or fundraisers most Saturdays. Homework. Puberty, including an Autistic one. Orders to make. Exhaustion. The candle I’ve been burning at both ends is nearly melted to the middle. I’m not really thinking clearly at this point. I hate being discontented and uninspired…about anything. Yeah, a break from adulting all the way around doesn’t sound too fucking bad.

                Sorry. Didn’t really mean to unload on you. I know you’ve got your own shit to deal with.

                Liked by 1 person

                • You should never apologize to me. I am constantly unloading on you. It’s the least I can do to listen. I’m tempted to tell you things could be worse… and you have a wife who loves you… and other clichés, but you might hate me. Hell, I might hate me.

                  Anyway, I understand where you’re coming from with a bunch of those things. And I don’t even have a job… or a farm. I’d love to take a break but I don’t even know how I’d go about doing that. My brain isn’t capable of it.

                  And you better not disappear from here. God, I’ve been uninspired and down for weeks and I’m still here. Irritating everyone. Being a whiny bitch. So you don’t get to leave. 😛

                  Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve begun trying to dip my toes into printables on Etsy, and i sort of felt really excited in the beginning, but once I did all the work of getting only two things listed, I was like, meh. But then someone randomly bought one of my prints and I had done NO promotion, so now I am thinking of trying again, cause the thought of that passive-ish income once I get things listed is very nice. For what it’s worth, we could try again together. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for this. I was kind of excited when I set up my Etsy shop but that faded… And I soon felt overwhelmed with the thought of people actually buying anything and having to fill the orders… which is crazy because they’re just cards! It also seemed a little pointless since I didn’t really expect to make any sales…

      I do have some things listed that will stay there… so maybe someone will randomly buy something and I’ll get motivated again. I agree that once things are listed, it’s nice to not think about it… and maybe be randomly surprised by a sale. I know I should list more… I just need to find some motivation. Good luck to you, too!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. magarisa says:

    Don’t know what to say, except that I support you no matter what you do or don’t do. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Meg says:

    Oh sweetie… I don’t know what to say either. I wish you didn’t feel like this. But you do and I suppose adding pressure and stress to the situation sure isn’t helpful. So I think you should just take a breather or a pause and collect yourself. Tomorrow is another day… ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks… you’re always so supportive. I don’t really know what the answer is… to anything that’s going on in my life right now. I’m trying to get some of it out of my head so I don’t go completely insane. Sometimes it works… but I can’t avoid any of it for long, you know?

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I feel like I am at a loss of words to make you feel better. But I do know, that among the people I know, they all love handmade cards. I know a few older ladies who do the 3D card making with the cutouts and the punches and the craziness. It’s so special to get one of them! I think you should stick with it!

    But also, I think it’s super awesome that you have opened up an Etsy store! It’s something I have considered doing many many times but just get overwhelmed by not knowing what all is involved. Don’t you have to pay for it? How does shipping work? How does payment work? It’s awesome that you have navigated it and set something up for yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

    • My cards are just printed. Nothing with cutouts and all that stuff. So I design and print them but they’re not all fancy and 3d and all of that.

      You have to pay a small fee for each listing on Etsy… and they take a small percentage of whatever price you charge. It’s not a lot, but it’s something. You have to ship everything yourself… since it’s your stuff that you would have in your possession. You set up what you’ll charge for shipping, too. Payment is through PayPal.

      It was kind of a lot more work than I thought it’d be to set it up. And I paid for each listing. I’ve had no sales. But now I don’t know if I can handle doing any promotion because I’m so anxious about it. I know it’s stupid… but I don’t understand my brain sometimes…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for explaining!! I was thinking my mom should sell her knitting. Cards are always good cos people always need cards! I love cards – getting them, sending them, looking at them in a store being sad I cant buy them all

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Juli Hoffman says:

    Of course you’re allowed to change your mind! But please don’t be afraid. People will like your shop or they won’t. If it helps, I think you are VERY brave to try something new. (HUGS!!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Juli Hoffman says:

      And you’re Red Bubble shop is ADORABLE, BTW. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Juli Hoffman says:

        *your LOL Good grief! I got so excited, I forgot how to spell. This is the first time I’ve heard of Red Bubble. I thought about setting up a Zazzle Shop. This gives me another option to consider! Hmm…

        Liked by 1 person

        • I was considering setting up Zazzle, too. But I wasn’t sure I’d want to have the same designs in both places or if I’m allowed do that… I think I can because I own my designs but it seems silly to do that. Then again, there could be people who shop on Zazzle who don’t go to RedBubble. On the other hand, if I made new designs for Zazzle, I’d want to put them on RedBubble, too. I’m crazy!

          Liked by 1 person

          • Juli Hoffman says:

            I’d put them in both shops. Like you said, people who shop at one site may not shop on the other one. Also, Zazzle has more customer customizable options. So you could take one of your cute greeting cards, and make it so the customer could add a name or something, to make it more personal. I swear, after I left your post, I must have spent 2 hours or more online, looking at ALL the different shops that are available for artists. Society 6, Red Bubble, Threadless Artists Shops, Zazzle, Cafe Press, Teespring, Spread Shirt, Tee Public, Tee Fury, Design by Humans, Sun Frog… Who knew there were SOOOOO many options?! I certainly didn’t!!! 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            • I knew about some of those but not all of them. Wow! Oh… FYI… I ordered from Cafe Press a looong time ago and I wasn’t happy with the quality of the tee shirt I bought… but they may have improved since then… 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

              • Juli Hoffman says:

                That’s good to know! I am such a newbie at this, but I think it would be fun to try.

                Liked by 1 person

                • It’s a lot of work and I hate making decisions (store names, etc.) and writing about myself for a bio or shop description… so that makes it challenging. But once it’s all set up, I did enjoy creating products on RedBubble.

                  Hey… your opinion — My RedBubble shop and my as-yet-unannounced Etsy shop have different names. If I do Zazzle, I wonder if I should use “what sandra makes” or the other name. Maybe I save the other name for only Etsy where I print the cards myself… or maybe using that name helps me with “branding” as they say. What do you think? I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to change the RedBubble shop name, though. I’m not even sure if I can!

                  Like

                  • Juli Hoffman says:

                    I think it’s a good idea to use the same name for your Zazzle and Red Bubble stores, branding and all that… I agree with you though, keeping a differnt name on your Etsy. That’s stuff you’ve crafted yourself. It’s different from a print on demand store. 🙂

                    Like

                  • Juli Hoffman says:

                    I think it’s a good idea to use the same name for your Zazzle and Red Bubble stores, branding and all that… I agree with you though, keeping a different name on your Etsy. That’s stuff you’ve crafted yourself. It’s different from a print on demand store. 🙂

                    Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you so much! ♥ I put a lot of work into that… and it’s so much less stressful since I just design… and they make the products. I wish my profit was more, but at least it’s something. I have a feeling most of my business there is from friends I have here… so I don’t know that I’ll ever get tons of customers… but again, it’s something.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. ♥ I don’t understand myself sometimes. I should be fine about this… I should tell people and try to actually get business. But I am so anxious about it. I feel like I don’t have enough ideas… like my stuff is nothing special. I just lack confidence…

      Liked by 1 person

  8. It’s not a failure. You are not a failure.
    I knit, crochet and sew. I had an Etsy store. Business was steady. What I should have mentioned a couple sentences ago is I am an active duty Air Force maintainer. I had to shut it down when I deployed for the first time. I reopened it when I came back from my 6 month tour in Qatar but I shut it down for good when I deployed 6 months later to Guam.
    I can’t fill orders and lug all the crap I need to every location the military sends me too.
    Now, I just have a Facebook page and craft for friends. I do a local craft fair if I feel up to it.

    The stress of trying keep up, fear of bad reviews and not moving inventory fast enough was too much. I ended up losing my love of crafting which was the primary motivator for selling my things.

    It’s not a failure. It’s a lesson that helps grow us.
    Don’t give up and please don’t forget the love you have for crafting either.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Nortina S. says:

    It feels wrong to “like” this, but I totally understand how you feel. I’ve gotten this way about a certain project of mine. When I first started it, I was so exited, but now it’s become too much of a burden. I’m not putting as much care into it as I once did, and I’m at the point where I plan to shut everything down at the end of the year. I know some people won’t like it. I’m terrified to make that announcement, but I know it has to come because I don’t want to leave people high and dry.

    At this point I’ve got to think about myself. I know I just don’t have the time to commit to it, and instead of stressing myself out by forcing myself to love something I just don’t love anymore, I’d rather give it up before I hate it. Maybe that’s what you need too.

    That being said, do you sell those cute little writers notebooks on your Etsy shop? Because I was actually planning to buy one this week.

    Liked by 1 person

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