no fun.

I know I’m a mess. I probably bring people down and no one wants to be around someone like that. Hell, I don’t want to be around that. But of course, that being me, I don’t have a choice.

But other people do have a choice.

Why would they choose to be around me when they can be with people who are not total disasters? When they can be with happy, well-adjusted people?

They wouldn’t. They wouldn’t choose me. And I can’t blame anyone for that. Not online… not offline… no one.

But it feels like everyone is having fun all around me and I’m left out.

 

©2018 what sandra thinks

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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26 Responses to no fun.

  1. Cyranny says:

    Not going to “like” that…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. davidprosser says:

    What fun where?If you can find fun going on around you let me know and we’ll go share it together. I bet you have plenty of followers who will tell you there’s little fun to be found unless you find a funny story or today’s joke on someone’s site but you should be able to find that and join in with a comment. I guess your not sleeping enough could have a deal to do with how you feel.
    I sleep between 2-3 hours a night and have to make sure there’s room for a kip during the day to keep my mood OK. But if I can’t manage it I end up feeling very low and a little paranoid.
    Try to manage a little kip or even a few of them during the day and if you still feel this way when you’ve slept it’;s time to check out all your followers blogs to see who’s having fun you can share.
    You can always use my email address to come and have a private conversation to see if I can help in some way or another follower you can confide in.
    Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for this. I usually don’t get enough sleep but lately, I’ve been getting too much. I think it’s how I’m coping with sadness…. sleep so I can ignore it. Probably not a healthy solution.

      I think part of it goes back to feeling empty… and not great at conversation. And then I see people having fun conversations… but I’m not in them. And offline, I see people having fun together but I’m alone.

      It’s me, though. I’m not much fun lately… not sure how to fix that.

      Thanks for the hugs and for everything else, too. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • davidprosser says:

        I’m not sure you can get too much sleep. The body tends to protect you with sleep when you need it for one reason or another.Are you able to talk about what’s causing all the sadness? Just talking might help. I was a mess when my wife died. That’s 5 years ago and I’m still not back to normal with socialising or talking to people but I’ll try. Just engage in conversation with one friend at a time until you’re ready for more.
        xxx Hugs Galore xxx

        Liked by 1 person

        • I do know what’s causing the sadness. I wish I could change those things but they are difficult or impossible to ‘fix’. I find that as the years go by, it becomes harder and harder for me to be around people. I’m usually okay one on one… but lately, I find that all I talk about are the things that are troubling me. I think people must be sick of it. I know I am! I probably need to talk to a professional, but it’s hard to find the right one… and I can’t afford that right now.
          Thanks ♥

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Marquessa says:

    Believe me, not EVERYONE is having fun. And its often all smoke and mirrors. Also depends on your definition of “fun” is…

    Liked by 2 people

    • A lot of it is just people talking and laughing… whether online or in person. It’s not like some big party… I hate parties. And I know it’s me… not anyone else. I am not fun lately. I used to be… but I’ve lost that and I don’t know how to get it back. And no one’s going to come to me to help me get it back because I’m such a mess… I’m just too sad all the time.

      Like

  4. Meg says:

    I would venture to guess that the majority of people that seem to be having fun are really just better at compartmentalizing it. In other words, they know how to be ‘happy’ in front of other people and behind the scenes have their fair share of problems.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sure that’s true… but I’d love to be able to have fun even if it’s just a little. I don’t even know if I’m capable of it anymore. And if people are looking for fun, they’re not going to come to me!

      Like

  5. I hate that you feel like that. I wish you’d realize how great you are. It seems that you have several of us here, at least, that may disagree with your assessment. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know. It’s not that I don’t think people like me. I’ve learned that that’s not true. But I don’t think people are going to seek me out for fun. I see people around me online and off having fun. I know that doesn’t mean everything in their lives is fun. That’s not what I’m saying. I just mean that I feel left out whenever I see people having fun conversations or any other sort of fun because I don’t have that in my life anymore. I only have the other stuff. My own fault…

      Liked by 1 person

      • You can change that, you know? To some degrees, little bits at a time, at least. Gotta put yourself out there, engage in those conversations. You’ve had fun in your life before, great experiences, tragedy, elation, etc? You have plenty of experience in life, and plenty to add to conversations. Do so. Nobody bites….than I know of. 😃

        Liked by 1 person

  6. As someone who often observes other people, they’re not having as much fun as you think. People present themselves as having fun. On social media, in real life etc because that’s how they want to be seen. The reality is often different. Anyway, like I always say, who cares about everyone else?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m actually quite selfish… lol. I don’t care if anyone else is having fun. It’s just that it makes me see that I’m not. I know it doesn’t mean everyone else’s life is great. I just wish I could have fun despite everything else in my stupid life.

      Like

  7. Ogden Fahey says:

    I’m not much fun I can tell you that! I don’t know why people like me, in fact I suspect that they only like me a little in all honesty, I can be ok for a few mins, but after that I tend to fuck things up endlessly, and become entertaining only really to relive boredom! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  8. jrvincente says:

    I would choose you because you’re real. You’re honest. No BS. That’s a rare quality in a person (particularly someone I’ve just met on the internet).

    Liked by 1 person

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