out of sight.

numb.

Out of mind?

I miss having friends. 

I miss being part of something. 

I miss writing.

I miss good moods and good days.

I miss ideas and inspiration.

I miss drive and purpose.

I miss being loved.

I miss when I mattered.

I miss being special… to anyone.

I miss hope.

I miss everything I wish I had.

I miss things I once had.

I miss things I’ll never have.

I feel more alone… more abandoned… than ever. Maybe I brought it on myself. Maybe no one cares because I don’t care. But that can’t be right. If I truly didn’t care, I wouldn’t be writing this. Probably.

 

©2018 what sandra thinks

         

Advertisements

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
This entry was posted in depression, life, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

55 Responses to out of sight.

  1. Mel Gutiér says:

    That’s exactly right! This is wonderful! You’re a gifted writer! Don’t abandon yourself. Find yourself and keep doing this. You’re Magical! Charming! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. davidprosser says:

    There’s nothing there that can’t be got again. A beautiful day and a beautiful young lady outside smiling at everyone could be the start of new friendships and friendship can often lead to love. If you don’t give up, the world won’t either. Keep writing.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Believe me, we miss you too. I miss you making me laugh, your smartassishness, your writing. Please don’t give up on yourself. I know things seem like like shit now. I get it. But do not give up! You know where to find me if you need an ear. 😕

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The V Pub says:

    Everything is connected, my friend. It takes only to change one thing and the dominoes will start to fall. The worst thing is to look and consider everything. It can be overwhelming, I know it can be for me. In the months leading up to my surgery, I couldn’t play guitar or bass because of the pain. That created a huge hole in my life. Then, surrounded by pain and having little joy, I was totally depressed. Once the pain was alleviated via surgery, then life and all that it had to offer were before me once again. I know that I’m beating this drum a lot to you, but it’s from one sufferer to another – there’s hope. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • ♥ You’re right… looking at everything at once is killing me. It is overwhelming. Everything feels impossible. I feel like there are a lot of things I can’t do… not only because of physical pain but because of the emotional pain, too. Right now, I’m waiting to see if my insurance approves one other thing the doc wants to try. If that doesn’t help, I’m going to have to figure out where to go next. But I won’t lie — even though this makes me seem really weak — I am tired of having to work so hard for no reward. I just want something to be easy.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Meg says:

    Please don’t give up. It isn’t too late for things to change. So many people find new paths in life in the second half of life. It’s just hard to see the possibilities when you are going through so much pain. You are smart and talented and have so much to offer so please just keep trying to put a foot forward and know that we all love and support you! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks ♥ I am having trouble doing anything. It’s so bad… especially in the morning. I don’t know how to overcome anything… it all feels hopeless… and it scares me. I feel defeated. I have tried to get the help I need but nothing ever works. I don’t know if I can keep trying. It’s just too much…

      Like

  6. Sending lots of hug your way. I feel the same… All of my friends have grown up and moved…a dn I’m stuck in the working at home by myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Powerful write full of painful emotions. I truly hope things get better for you. You deserve it.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Okay, fine, you’ve forced my hand. We can be sister wives when I eventually marry Chris Hemsworth. So now you have that to look forward to. 😉

    (I’m sorry that I don’t have anything poignant to say 😔)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Took the words right out of my mouth. I am alone.

    “We live as we dream, alone.”

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I care. Just been consumed with month end work shit. Miss you!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I am so terribly sorry for how you are feeling about yourself. You are obviously cared for… I mean, look how many people are here rooting for you. We obviously care about you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Melissa Joy says:

    This is beautiful! I am a big believer that even the darkest parts of life is art. And you have done such an amazing job at capturing what it means to feel alone. I share these same feelings. I often find myself missing things I think I should have, and struggle trying to find reasons to wake up and go throughout the day. Just don’t get discouraged! Having bad days and sad moods is all apart of the magic of life. It’s apart of being human! And every day you feel those hurts, it is a reminder that you are still capable of feeling. And it is such a blessing to have a tender heart!! Hang in there! I know you are loved. I know you are definitely apart of something– using words to shed light on what it is like to live with depression. Anyway, sorry for the book!! I’ve just recently started blogging, and it makes me so happy to find someone who writes about similar things. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Melissa. I certainly don’t mind long comments! I’m glad that you connected to what I wrote. I’m definitely frustrated lately with how I’ve been feeling. Nothing I do seems to help me feel better. It’s scary. But I’m glad you wrote this comment. I’m always glad to know someone understands… ♥

      Like

  13. You have so many caring followers here on WP that leave such nice, uplifting comments. I hope and pray that the light shines again for you soon because based on these responses and your writing I see that you are a special person who deserves happiness.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Mel Gutiér says:

    I’m leaving this on here.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Pingback: more or less? | what sandra thinks

thoughts? talk to me.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.