hose fail.

Every day I spend time trying to catch up on everyone’s blogs. I’m failing and I feel the need to apologize. I’m doing the best I can. I’m sorry. You’d think with my incredibly depressing boredom, keeping up would be easy. But it’s kind of not. As crazy as this sounds, my kids’ boredom takes up a lot of my time even though a lot of my time is still boredom. Got that? Yeah, me neither.

I got some money for my birthday. It’s supposed to be for me. Of course, I can’t bring myself to spend it on me. I can’t justify a pedicure no matter how much I want one. [No… I did it myself no matter how much it hurt my back… I did a good job, though.] I can barely justify having my hair done but that has always remained the one thing I do for myself. So I’m doing it.

What has happened with this money is practical crap… and, of course, stuff for the kids. And not quite ‘good stuff‘ either. Yesterday, I took them to a really cute, fancy (read: grossly overpriced) candy shop and let them each spend up to ten dollars. Yes. Ten dollars worth of candy. Although since overpriced, it really wasn’t that much. Far less than they bring home every Halloween. And they haven’t even eaten all of it yet. I do not feel like a particularly good or responsible parent for letting them do this whole candy thing. But it was raining and before we did that… well, it was boring as fuck.

Today was not rainy. Instead, it was about 90°F and really fucking sticky. It’s going to be like that for the next five days. So today, we threw water balloons at each other… and I attacked them with the hose. [Not as bad as it sounds… I let them get me, too.]

And that brings me to my hose problem. [Shut up.]

Why the hell is this thing marketed as a helpful product?

Granted, I am cheap so there’s that. But still. It should at least be kind of helpful, shouldn’t it? I didn’t expect it to be easy, but I didn’t expect it to be ridiculously difficult either. There’s a reason I sat in my Adirondack chair and sprayed the kids. I was exhausted from unrolling the hose from this thing (not to mention the back pain). I couldn’t even pull it out easily. [Shut up.] I thought at least unrolling wouldn’t be terrible. Wrong.

Fast forward to after excessive water usage. Time to roll this hose up. Nice convenient handle on the side… just reel it in. Um… no. I think I made about a quarter turn before I couldn’t move the fucking thing any further. Seriously… what the hell? It is nearly impossible to roll up the hose. After about ten minutes, during which I wound up maybe fifteen feet of hose, I stopped. Fuck it! Sorry, husband. You’re going to have to roll it up when you get home. Even though it’s still in the 80s and sticky as fuck.

At least my eight-function sprayer is awesome. Especially that ‘jet‘ setting.

 

• • •
[By the way… I don’t know if I’m ‘back’ to posting. Don’t get excited. You know, if you ever have gotten excited to read my posts… which is a ridiculous assumption on my part. Maybe I’ll have something to say after the weekend… we’re going to Mom’s… where there is a pool. A big one.]

©2018 what sandra thinks

         

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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42 Responses to hose fail.

  1. Yeah, those things kinda suck. But, every hose I’ve ever owned sucks too. Being sprayed by a hose on a hot day does not suck. 😃

    Liked by 1 person

  2. OH no! That thing actually looks like it would be a pain, just from the picture. I’ve never used one, but I can’t imagine it would be much fun. Sorry it was horrible – but glad you were able to have some fun times with your kids!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Bill says:

    I always wanted one. Thank you for letting me know that I was right not to have bought one.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Ogden Fahey says:

    Goddamn stinking low down no good garden hose! I feel your pain on that Sandra, we don’t have a garden hose, but I do have a handy electrical extension thing which is equally annoying!! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ha, we did exactly the same thing on Thursday! Filled up water balloons and threw them then dragged out the hose and used the shows and mist settings to spray each other, making sure that Nanas hair got wet enough that all the weird waves came back after blow drying it straight earlier. But it’s summer and we’re in the middle of a heat wave too. I want one of those self winding hose things, but they’re too pricey

    Liked by 1 person

  6. There are external hose problems and then there are internal hose problems. Glad you had the external kind. In spite of everything, it sounds like you and your kids had a respite and some fun on such a hot sticky day. I’m in Texas, though, and 90 degrees sounds heavenly right now. Trust me, we’re not in dry heat either. We get nasty humidity where I live. That’s why we only try and go out after dark! Bwaahhaahhaa! Sorry the damned hose gave you such a hard time! I agree with you, rolling hoses up sounds like a husband job to me. Of course if you leave them out in your yard long enough, you can make all kinds of interesting lines in the grass from where the grass doesn’t get sun and starts to yellow. Maybe you could spell out a curse word with the hose that can only be seen or read from the air! Ha! Just a thought.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. magarisa says:

    That thing looks like a torture device. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  8. mydangblog says:

    Those hose roller things are awful! But there’s no good way to deal with a hose. I just drag ours around and wait for Ken to mow the lawn. Then HE has to put it back. I really like the shed idea–I’ll have to get one built around the tap!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hunida says:

    Aww candy store & water activities sound so fun! You’re an awesome mom!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Often times just getting up to the bathroom is a HUGE chore when I am feeling like crap so yup understandable.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. That hose wrap and wind them up is a piece of crap! And to think, someone earned millions from making that piece of crap. I think what you did for your kids was very sweet, but you deserved to treat yourself for your birthday. It’s okay to be kind to yourself. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Marquessa says:

    A treat, even overpriced, is good from time to time. At least you tried to roll that hose…I just leave mine wherever on my lawn until I have to mow. And even then I might mow “around” ir!😁

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Mel Gutiér says:

    There is a lot of love here my dear. You are adorable and charming AF! I’m so glad to see you around here. It feels good to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. jrvincente says:

    I’m terrible at keeping up with blogs, too. June 11th was the last time I looked at more than one blog. :/

    Liked by 1 person

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