I know, this is my third w post. Which is amazing because at 2am, almost 19 hours ago, I had no idea what I was going to post for w. But something happened today that made me write this.
I have been a little miserable lately. But I’ve kept it off my blog. I hope I’ve been successfully deceiving all of you (but not in a horrible lying bitch way). There’s just too much — my unemployment situation, family stress, and so much other crap. But I am going to do my best to continue to suffer in silence because I really just don’t want to be a downer. And to be honest, sometimes, talking about what sucks makes me feel even worse. I realize denial is never a good solution but lately, for some things, it’s the only option that makes things bearable.
Early this afternoon while trying to figure out what the hell starts with x, I heard my mail carrier outside my front door. Our paper mail, at this point, consists of junk mail, occasional catalogs, and random items that are actually legit. Today, I received a small square envelope from my sister in NYC. Paper mail is not dead in my family.
None of these details about her are especially necessary at the moment but… she is one year older than I, she lives alone, never married (other than to her job), no children (she never wanted any). She has always been the caretaker, mediator, peacemaker, helper in our family. And she has always been generous.
The square envelope…
Inside was a card that I found crazy-appropriate. Amazing because I haven’t talked to her for a few weeks so she doesn’t know my life has been extra sucky lately. In fact, she is not the ‘emotional artist‘ type that I am. She has always been calm, even-tempered, great with people and very optimistic and positive. I’m working on that but… you know, work in progress. So I don’t often get into very deep discussions with her about feelings and such. Yet the card that showed up had a phrase on it that I find myself thinking far too often…
And then I opened the card, expecting something witty. She can be pretty funny. But that’s not what it was. Her completion of the ‘What if?‘ phrase was something else…
“a kind soul gave you a check for $_____ today?“
(I will not divulge the amount, but as I said, she is generous. And I was stunned.)
I cried. Even writing this now, I’m tearing up again. Yes, she has always been overly kind and giving, but this was just… beyond…
Of course, I contacted her immediately to thank her… and now I want to do something for her in return. But obviously, spending money makes no sense. I’m sure I will create some sort of lovely thank you to paper-mail to her… but it hardly seems like enough.
what sandra thinks 