what if? (w is for…)


I know, this is my third w post. Which is amazing because at 2am, almost 19 hours ago, I had no idea what I was going to post for w. But something happened today that made me write this.

I have been a little miserable lately. But I’ve kept it off my blog. I hope I’ve been successfully deceiving all of you (but not in a horrible lying bitch way). There’s just too much — my unemployment situation, family stress, and so much other crap. But I am going to do my best to continue to suffer in silence because I really just don’t want to be a downer. And to be honest, sometimes, talking about what sucks makes me feel even worse. I realize denial is never a good solution but lately, for some things, it’s the only option that makes things bearable.

Early this afternoon while trying to figure out what the hell starts with x, I heard my mail carrier outside my front door. Our paper mail, at this point, consists of junk mail, occasional catalogs, and random items that are actually legit. Today, I received a small square envelope from my sister in NYC. Paper mail is not dead in my family.

None of these details about her are especially necessary at the moment but… she is one year older than I, she lives alone, never married (other than to her job), no children (she never wanted any). She has always been the caretaker, mediator, peacemaker, helper in our family. And she has always been generous.

The square envelope…

Inside was a card that I found crazy-appropriate. Amazing because I haven’t talked to her for a few weeks so she doesn’t know my life has been extra sucky lately. In fact, she is not the ‘emotional artist‘ type that I am. She has always been calm, even-tempered, great with people and very optimistic and positive. I’m working on that but…  you know, work in progress. So I don’t often get into very deep discussions with her about feelings and such. Yet the card that showed up had a phrase on it that I find myself thinking far too often…


And then I opened the card, expecting something witty. She can be pretty funny. But that’s not what it was. Her completion of the ‘What if?‘ phrase was something else…

card.a kind soul gave you a check for $_____ today?

(I will not divulge the amount, but as I said, she is generous. And I was stunned.)

I cried. Even writing this now, I’m tearing up again. Yes, she has always been overly kind and giving, but this was just… beyond…

Of course, I contacted her immediately to thank her… and now I want to do something for her in return. But obviously, spending money makes no sense. I’m sure I will create some sort of lovely thank you to paper-mail to her… but it hardly seems like enough.


About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy, too. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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70 Responses to what if? (w is for…)

  1. Emily C says:

    So lovely! Wonderful to have a close sibling.
    And I was just in NY a couple weeks ago for the first time…taking in that same view.
    Wishing all the crap dissipates soon for you. 🙂 I can relate.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Stories like make me jealous, and a little sad to be an only child.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I do love having sisters. I would have loved a brother, too, but that just wasn’t in the cards… my parents had 4 daughters. Although… I do have one sister who doesn’t speak to me (or to my younger sister) at all. None of us are sure the exact reason. There’s always one nutball, I guess. Not that you’d be the nutball since you’re an only child!! I would never imply such a thing! But I do say that to my husband often… he’s an only child, too. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. magarisa says:

    What a wonderful surprise!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. That is just so lovely and heart warming. It made me smile to read.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That’s so lovely.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. That’s really lovely xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Aww, sisters have a special connection. I know my sis and I do. That’s wonderful. I bet she’s glad to be able to share monetarily and I’m sure you share your family with her. Sweet!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh my god. The universe (or whatever) provides. That is off the chart cool. You are so lucky to have a close sibling, I’m an only child. If you get to NYC you totally have to let me know. It’s such an easy drive from here! 😃

    Liked by 1 person

  9. jennymarie4 says:

    This is so sweet. I have two sisters, and I love the special sister connection. Enjoy her wonderful gift 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. That’s so kind of her. I didn’t know you were suffering, you hide it well. But I am glad to know that someone noticed and was able and generous enough to help. If you ever need anything, a friend, support, anything. Feel free to contact me.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Haylee says:

    Aww, how lovely of her! I think sometimes the universe has a way of knowing we need a pick me up and connects all the dots. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. ktkinnes says:

    Hope things get better for you soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Tikeetha T says:

    I love the ‘just in time’ sentimental gifts. How amazing! Sending you virtual hugs and praying for you to have less stress.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Lovely gesture. Regarding the oither stuff of life, try to confront your problems head on. I wish you well. These things won’t go away. We are going through crap as well, we are side by side tryng to recleve the crap and move on. You will too. No storm lasts forever. Be well.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Pingback: the end. (recap) #atozchallenge | what sandra thinks

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