You broke her heart
when you disappeared.
You didn’t even
make it quick…
You were slow
and calculated
and cruel.
You gave her hope
and pain
all at once
until finally
you disappeared.
You never even said goodbye.
©2017 what sandra thinks
Everyone in my house slept in today. (Well, not my husband… he had to work. Ha ha! I’m a bitch.) It’s grey and rainy and cold today. Cold for July in New England, anyway. Really. It’s 58°F. I believe the average temp for this time of year is about 85°F.
But that really has nothing to do with this post. Grey and rainy and cold aside, today has been total crap.
It started with breakfast. I opened the fridge to grab a few things and as soon as I opened the door, a bottle of water fell out and landed on my foot. It hurt like hell… and many different forms of the same word beginning with f flew out of my mouth. Fine. Moving on…
I returned the bottle to the fridge, nestling it in with the others better so it wouldn’t fall again. I proceeded to grab a few things but I dropped the butter. Did it stay in the butter dish, you ask? Of course not. The thingy popped open and I had a stick of butter on the floor. So I had to deal with that. Fine. Moving on…
Fuck, I forgot something in the fridge. I went back and of course that water bottle was secure so it couldn’t fall again. WRONG. It totally fell again and I almost hurled it across the room. Fine. Moving on…
I had to slice the onion for my omelet. It was a lovely sweet vidalia onion… until I had a small mishap. Red onion. Ouch. It’s okay… it wasn’t a bad cut. It hurt like hell but at least I didn’t sever a finger. Seriously, I chop vegetables daily. But today… there was blood. Fine. Moving on…
As I gently tossed the onions around in the pan, of course I tossed a little too enthusiastically and flung a couple at myself. Awesome. Now there are two extra-clean spots on the floor. Is that the bright side? Fine. Moving on…
Fast forward to lunch time. Just some leftover pasta and sauce for the kids. Nothing for me… I was still annoyed about breakfast. So… I gently tossed the pasta with the sauce as my hungry son stood beside me. ‘I should probably let you do this since I keep dropping things today,’ I said. And… then some pasta jumped out of the bowl onto the counter. Yes, I’m going with ‘jumped‘.
Seriously. What. The. Hell?
I guess the final straw (or the initial straw?) is that I woke up feeling terrible… and I haven’t been able to kick it. So with all this other shit piling on… well… I’m done with today. I’ve been done since about 2pm.
I should have stayed in bed.
©2017 what sandra thinks
I wish I hadn’t been blind
when you were by my side
because I had everything
I was a fool to think
I’d find something more
because you were everything
I cannot understand
why I let you go
because I lost everything
I live without you now
and it hurts because I know
I will never have everything
©2017 what sandra thinks
[This is really dark… just wanted to warn you. But you know… darkness is my thing.]
Will you miss me
when I’m gone?
Or will I just
fade away
from light to darkness
slowly and quietly?
Will I slip away
to a new lonely
from this old lonely
without a whisper?
Will you look for me
and only then
realize
I am not there?
Will you regret
never noticing
the pain I carried
before I disappeared?
Will you wonder
if you could have
saved me?
Will you wish
you could hold me
one last time?
Will you miss me
when I’m gone?
©2017 what sandra thinks
I don’t usually do this… but it was so perfect I had to share…
Have a great weekend!
I found the answer –
The cure for my loneliness…
I just close my eyes.
©2017 what sandra thinks
back to you. part 13. [previous: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 | part 12]
Note: After I posted part 12 last week, I made a few minor changes. Part 12 has been updated. Not enough changed to warrant another read unless you are so inclined. Just thought I’d come clean on the edit.
Now part 13…
I don’t even know what to write in this post. What a huge loss in the world of music.
Chester Bennington | March 20, 1976 – July 20,2017
I hope he has found peace.
It starts with one
One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme to explain in due time
(All I know)
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
(It’s so unreal)
Didn’t look out below, watched the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, didn’t even know
I wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside
And even though I tried it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn’t even matter
One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme to remind myself how
(I tried so hard)
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so [far]
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a
Memory of a time when I (tried so hard)
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn’t even matter
I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn’t even matter
Liam Sullivan's Ideas and Reflections
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“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” — Maya Angelou
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what sandra thinks 