the cards.

xmas | what sandra thinks

Although it is, in fact, 2016, I still mail holiday cards every year. I design them, I print them, I send them to people I haven’t seen or spoken to in years. And I send them to family (some of whom I haven’t seen or spoken to in years). Everyone has come to expect a self-made creation including, of course, a picture of my kids.

At 9 and nearly 12, I’m not sure how much longer the kids are going to let me do this. For the last 3 years, our holiday photo-taking session as turned into our biggest gigglefest all year. The girl makes weird faces. The boy laughs hysterically. I am not helpful since I end up making jokes the whole time… making them laugh even harder. It quickly becomes impossible to get them to both look ‘normal‘ in the same photo.

I take nearly 100 shots in about 15 minutes. Then I give up. I look through the pictures about 30 times and eventually choose a few finalists. I ask the kids and the husband which of the finalists they prefer. But, I confess, I’ve already made a decision by then. More than anything, I’m curious who, if anyone, picks the one I’ve already chosen.

Usually, by the time I try to take the picture, the card is already designed. But sometimes I work around the picture. This year, card designed first… picture struggle later.

I did a quick second card this year… just for fun. I only sent that to a few people as a ‘bonus card‘… they got the ‘real‘ one, too.

My possibly irrational paranoia stops me from showing the actual photo of the kids… but here are the cards. First the ‘real‘ one… then the silly one.


xmas | what sandra thinks

xmas | what sandra thinks


xmas | what sandra thinks

xmas | what sandra thinks


Maybe someday I will post pictures of my cards from previous years… and my fancy party invitations… and wedding invitations… and baby announcements. I’ve done it all… pretty much always for family or for myself. I’m not getting paid. I know I should look into it… but I never thought I’d get much for my work anyway. And I have no idea how to sell myself…

Hope you all have a lovely holiday, however you may or may not celebrate. Thanks for being here and putting up with my craziness. You’re the best.

Stay frosty, my friends.

divider dots. red.

©2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in art, holidays, writing | Tagged , , , , , | 59 Comments

from you.

hands

tell me
I’m beautiful
make me believe it’s true
show me what you see inside me
the sweetness and the good
I want to hear
whispers
to me
from you

p_loopswirl-div

©2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , , , | 21 Comments

struggle.

I seem to be in a place of abundant emptiness. Yes, I do see the contradiction.

I have thoughts running around inside my head… some I’ve made notes of… some I cannot understand. And through all of this, I have written nothing. No fiction, no poetry, no deep thoughts. Nothing.

I struggle to read… I can’t keep up… I feel guilty as hell. I struggle to write… to accomplish anything. I haven’t posted and I feel that I’ve disappointed people (or just bored them to death). I hate that feeling. I am all too familiar with disappointing myself but I hate when I disappoint others.

The irony is that my messed up head has actually been letting me feel a little better lately. I would think that would help me get things done. But… not so much.

It’s weird that I feel overwhelmed and exhausted trying to keep up with what I have to do for the holidays since I can’t do most of what I’d normally do. I try to give myself time to just sit and write because I feel the need to… but I can’t do it. Something screams at me… something else I need to do.

I’m distracted anyway. I’m too distracted by other things pulling at me… so I can’t write. I’m too distracted by the thoughts and scribbles I have for writing… so I can’t deal with the other things pulling at me.

I’m not sure how to break out of this. I’m all over the place but I need to visit one place at a time. Not sure why I can’t just do that.

Maybe I’ll be able to do something useful soon. Post something worth reading. I’m trying not to give up on me. I hope you won’t give up on me either.

Trying to let these wise words guide me…

whole ass.

p_squiggle-div

©2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in anxiety, blogging, writing | Tagged , , , , , | 45 Comments

love across the ocean. (take 2)

writing in darknessI’ve been preoccupied and busy. I finally have many new bits of writing inspiration… but now that I do, I have no time to write. I was thinking about this post the other day… and since I haven’t had a chance to write much… or post much… I thought I would share this (again). I’m pretty sure only a couple of my ‘regulars’ read this when it originally aired on 10 October 2015.

p_double-s-div

When I was much younger and had more freedom and fewer neuroses, I ran away to Europe.

I suppose “ran away” is a bit of an embellishment. But it sounds so much more adventurous and impulsive. The truth is, I really wanted to go to London so I searched for justification. I found a program through my college tied to the University of London and applied.

London Flat

It was unusually hot when I arrived in London that August. I found a flat with four other Americans and made friends with the doorman at the casino next door. Paddy from Ireland – he looked out for us. It was comforting having him around.

Some of the classes I took in London involved field trips instead of textbooks. History of London consisted almost entirely of walks to all different parts of the city, many I never would have visited if not for that class. My art history class went to museums and galleries almost every day. We never had to pay admission anywhere. We even got a free pass to the British Museum for the entire term.

One of my flatmates and I traveled together over our break. We had already spent a long weekend in Scotland so our decision was simple. We were off to the mainland. And this was pre-Chunnel. We rode a ferry… and both got seasick.

My friend/flatmate wanted to see Vienna. After that, it was all Italy for days.

First stop, Venice. We got a tiny, inexpensive hotel room with a private shower. We were thrilled as this was quite rare with our meager budget. We both took 30-minute showers that night… and again in the morning. Venice was lovely, but it rained most of the time we were there. The City of Water was… well… it was wet.

Skipping to the last stop, Rome. We walked a lot in Rome because we could not be bothered to figure out the public transportation system. Some of the narrow streets we walked on were deserted except for us. We had pieces of the city to ourselves. I’d love to wander those streets again. I remember being a bit lost, stopping for some bread, cheese and fruit, and finally popping out on the other side in view of the Vatican. No map required.

Venice and Rome were wonderful, but they paled in comparison to our middle (and longest) stop. Florence. Oh… Gorgeous. We had a lovely yet student-budget-friendly place to stay right in the center of the city. The keys to the rooms hung on randomly placed nails on a wall in the lobby. They looked old and charming hanging as they were, like something you might find for sale as wall décor at Homegoods. No two keys alike. The shared bathroom was a little room with a drain in the floor and a showerhead on one side. Water went everywhere. I kind of loved that shower.

Medici | FlorenceThe weather in Florence was beautiful. We walked everywhere. Occasionally we’d stop and sit in the sun on the steps of some of the most beautiful architectural landmarks in the world. We saw David. He was giant. Everyone has seen photos, but in person, wow… giant. The architecture blew me away, exterior and interior. I could have stayed there for weeks… months…

I may never know exactly what made me love Florence so much. I just felt something there. I fell in love.

Or maybe it was the gelato.

Gelateria | FlorenceI’ve never had any even close to that level of deliciousness in the States. The flavors I chose were caffè and bacio (coffee and chocolate hazelnut). They were lovingly scooped into a big sweet waffle cone. I remember my friend and I walking out of the gelateria stunned by the generous size of our little treat. But it was only two scoops! My God, they were huge scoops. I may have had my own pint in that cone. It’s okay. We had skipped lunch.

Maybe Florence made me love that gelato. Maybe it was the time and the place. Perfectly romantic and historic and warm and beautiful. I would love to return to many of the places I visited – London, Paris, maybe Venice senza pioggia. But Florence was my favorite. I want to visit again. Not just for the gelato, but that is definitely something to consider.

©2015-2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in travel, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | 37 Comments

art: the prints. #2

art | what sandra thinks

I have tons of photos I took when I was in Europe for that magical semester. When I returned to school back here in the States, I used a few of them as inspiration for some pieces… like this one. I remember wanting to print this using all different colors in place of the red and the yellow… so many versions. But…I had 4 more pieces to finish that semester. The colors would have to wait… and they’re still waiting…

what sandra thinks stained glass.

p_s-full-div

©2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in art, writing | Tagged , , , , | 17 Comments

song of the day. #15

song of the day.

In keeping with my level of Christmas spirit (pretty much none), I’ve decided to post another holiday treat. This may be my favorite song I’ve heard all week. As the world continues to fall apart around me, I find myself more Grinchy than ever.

From the television special, not the song…

Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot
But the Grinch who lived just North of Whoville did not!
____ The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
____ Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

Seriously… this was written about me. [We shall just ignore the fact that Dr. Seuss wrote the book WAY before I existed.] I suppose I am not mean. Except to myself. Except maybe inside my own head…

But, whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve hating the Whos,
____ Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown
____ At the warm lighted windows below in their town,
For he knew every Who down in Whoville beneath
Was busy now hanging a hollywho wreath.
____ “And they’re hanging their stockings,” he snarled with a sneer.
____ “Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!”

It’s not that I don’t want my kids (or anyone else) to enjoy Christmas. It’s that I can’t make it happen. I feel like an outsider… I’m not a part of it. Yeah, yeah, the whole message is there.

It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes, or bags!

But there’s a reason The Grinch is green. And it has nothing to do with jealousy or gardening. (Okay, maybe a little to do with jealousy.)

I do wonder if I will ever enjoy Christmas again. It’s not like I’m going to be holding hands in a circle singing anytime soon… but hell, I never thought I’d find Christmas quite so loathsome either.

Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
Rubbish imaginable
Mangled up in tangled up knots

Better watch out… I’m going to take the roast beast.

song of the day

song of the day
Obviously I am not the owner of any rights to this song, this video, or these lyrics… just everything else… which isn’t much… © 2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in music, writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 31 Comments

in tech news…

grumpy no.

My phone died last night. I swear, it is a fucking tragedy. A nightmare. I can’t be without it. Damn, my son’s activities change so often that I never know when he’ll text me with a new time to pick him up. And that’s just the most important of about 300 reasons why being without my phone is a huge catastrophe.

Also… I noticed that WordPress randomly unfollowed some of the blogs I follow. If you haven’t seen me around in your comments like I usually am, feel free to contact me or comment below and let me know so I can check if WP is fucking with me even more. Of course, stress has been at an all-time high so I haven’t been around as much anyway. Sigh.

I’m sure there was something else I meant to put in this post… but I have no idea what the fuck it was.

Love you. No, not you, shitty technology.

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©whatsandrathinks
Posted in writing | Tagged , , , | 46 Comments

away from here.

motorcycle art.

They told me you were dangerous but I was never a careful girl.
I adored your devilish smile and your mischievous stare.
You knew in an instant I was powerless.
I was yours to take. Yours to have.
I let you take my hand
And without hesitation I took my place behind you,
My knees beside your hips, my arms around your waist.
I held on tight and closed my eyes
And felt the wind as you drove…
As you took me away from here.

p_squiggle-div

©2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in art, poetry, writing | Tagged , , , , | 22 Comments