the end is here.

school's out.Today is the last day of school. The kids have a [pointless] half-day. I will be picking them up in a little over an hour. And then I will be with them near-constantly for the next ten weeks. My father-in-law will take them for a few hours every Monday. And on the weekends when John is home, I may have to run away for a few hours. [Don’t judge me. I adore those kids… but I’m going to need a break!]

I’ve got to come up with cheap (free) activities to keep the kids entertained. It’s challenging because the girl wants to go-go-go all the time… be outside, go places, see things, do things. And the boy would be perfectly content with a screen of any kind in front of his face the whole summer, with breaks to build LEGO stuff and argue with the girl.

So… I will be busy. I’ll probably have less time to be here. And you know… I hope that happens. Oh, I adore you all and you know it. But I think it will be good for me. I have trouble unplugging. With the kids and the summer… well, I’ll be forced. Maybe you’ll even have time to miss me. [Or I will succumb to my junkie tendencies and my subtle absence won’t be visible to the naked eye.]

[And when the summer is over, I have to work my ass off to find a job. But I don’t want to discuss that right now because the thought of it makes me a bit sick to my stomach.]

This maybe the last summer I’ll have home with the kids, not working. Like… ever. That’s a depressing thought. I should have been a teacher. Except for the getting up super-early and the having to be with a ton of kids all day.

I’m sure I’ll have some days of utter frustration when the kids will fight and I will try desperately to grab my laptop and hide, but that may not work out.

So instead, I’ll just watch this guy get ready for our date. [I don’t know why he’s getting dressed… I’m just going to rip it all off him later… or sooner…]

alex, you fucking hottie.

Image: Thank you CBS and Alex O’Loughlin ~ An Intense Study
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my sun.

my sun.

You think you are
shrouded in darkness
but you are my sun.

orange hearts.

A piece of me… my actual handwriting… I know — I am so revealing.
© what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , , , , | 31 Comments

please stop me.

flood.

Caught in a flood
rising around me,
sneaking above me.
But I’ve taken
all I can bear.
Please
don’t let me drown.
I cannot swallow
anything more.
If only you would
Stop
feeding me pain,
taking my love,
my kindness,
every beautiful part of
Me
and tainting it
with a darkness
I cannot bring to light.
When the very last
speck of bright shiny hope
turns dark inside me,
there is no cure.

swirl.

I try to separate myself from the things that break me. The people who break me. But too often, when I finally realize I need to separate, it’s too late. The damage is done. There are some things that cannot be reversed. No, you cannot “change anything if you put your mind to it”. They’re like scars. And not the fucking cliché kind of scars that “I love because they make me who I am”. I don’t love them. They remind me of pain.

dots.
© what sandra thinks
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burn.

burn.

every time
you touch me
I am powerless
my breath stolen
yours floating
over my skin
warming me
until I’m on fire
pretending to be
afraid of the flames
but secretly hoping
to burn

divider dots. red.

© what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , | 15 Comments

control.

I’ve been feeling like I’ve lost all ability to write poetry. I’ve written a few recently… but they don’t feel ‘good’. I was really getting frustrated and annoyed with myself. Finally, I wrote this [short] one without much thought… so I’m hoping I’m recovering. Unless it sucks. Then I still need some kind of treatment.

control.

control.
I let you
Hold all the power
Pull my string
And I run
To satisfy your desires
Now I want control.

dots.

© what sandra thinks
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weekly perk. #21

weekly perk.

my boy.
Yesterday was my son’s so-called Moving On ceremony. A fancy way to say graduation for 5th graders. Next year, he goes to middle school. I am now going to ramble on about how wonderful and amazing my kid is.

stupid music.
Pomp and Circumstance always makes me cry. Of course, pretty much any of my kids’ events make me cry. Maybe it’s that they’re getting older… which is not sad, really, but… yeah, I cannot explain myself. If you’re a parent, you probably understand.

kids.Yes, one of these kids is my son.

teacher with guitar.
The school has one male teacher. This is not uncommon in elementary schools… at least not around here. He teaches 5th grade… and at first, my son was disappointed he wasn’t in Mr. L’s class. But when he later learned that Mr. L gave more homework, he was fine with Mrs. R. Still, the kids traded off classes for a couple of subjects so he was with Mr. L sometimes anyway. This guy was great… I hope my daughter is in his class. But I’m completely off topic now…

At every event involving any sort of singing at that school, Mr. L is up there with his guitar, playing while the kids sing. And of course, yesterday the kids had to sing the school song. And an original song written by Mr. L. It was fun to watch. Especially my boy who hates to be in front of crowds. (I still don’t know how he got through the spelling bee finals!)

no applause, please… just throw money.
He got a diploma. His was the first name called for Read at Home award – given to students who read at least 30 minutes each night at least four days each week for the entire school year. (Yeah, I had to sign off daily…) He was also one of the recipients of the Citizenship Award – a certificate and a medal. And finally, the Presidential Education Award for Outstanding Academic Excellence complete with a letter from President Obama and a pin for his lapel. (Ha! He has never worn anything with a lapel… ever.)

awards.

Many pictures were taken of the boy with his friends, Mrs. R, Mr. L, and the principal Mr. M. Much to my surprise, Mr. M announced that the kids could go home with their families. It was only 11am. Even my daughter got to bail on the rest of the school day. [My husband and I were actually going to go out to lunch together… just the two of us. Fail!]

Upon arriving at home, the boy sat at the computer and proceeded to earn points on his ‘math academy’ site that he’s supposed to visit over the summer before middle school starts in the fall. He’s not even out of school yet!

He’s such an amazing kid. No, really. For six years (more than that – during preschool, too…), I’ve had teachers tell me what a smart, helpful, motivated, talented kid he is. Mrs. R told me that he spoke up and debated her on a math question. And ultimately, he was correct and she let him tell the class. I love that she was proud of him for that. She also told me that he’d been concerned he wasn’t reading as many books at home as some of the other students. Of course not, she said, because he’d been reading 500 – 600 page books!

riordan books.

I can’t believe I was worried about him on his first day of kindergarten because he was such a shy kid. He made friends right away and has made many more over his 6 years at the school. I think I’m more anxious about him going to middle school than he is.

[Of course, this is not to slight my daughter. Next year, she enters 3rd grade, and with that, she moves from ground level to upstairs. (Downstairs K-1-2, Upstairs 3-4-5) It’s a big deal to the kids at her school. She’s also the sweetest, most caring, beautiful (looks just like me), intelligent, creative girl in the world. (And I’m totally objective.)]

blue hearts.


☼ Perky. Only $29.95 (plus shipping and handling… much handling.)
Posted in parenting, the perk, weekly perk, writing | Tagged , , , , , | 50 Comments

fiction friday 30: secret admirer. part 8.

fiction friday.


It’s Friday. This is part 8 of secret admirer. ♥
[Previously posted: part 1part 2part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7]
Continue reading

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inappropriate questions.

Well, they’re not inappropriate to me. But little is.

Once upon a time, when I suggested a few of these questions to Rob, he mentioned something about being careful with my choices because I’d have to answer them, too. It’s a vague memory that I pretended to forget… ‘la la la what are you talking about… I never said I’d do that…‘ But then I was reading Vic’s answers and I thought… hey, what the hell… the questions aren’t that naughty… I’ve posted much naughtier…

everything.

Have you been naughty and had sex in a public place?
Yes. The bio lab in college. (No, there were no biological contaminants present! We were horny, not stupid!)

Did you get caught?
Kind of. We were… uh… wrapping up, so to speak.

Sexiest body part you could kiss on a man?
Neck, just sort of under/behind the ear. Oh, but also starting over the heart, down over the stomach, and possibly farther. ‘Possibly’… haha!

Do you think we’d do something funny if we get drunk together?
If this is asked by Rob… I’m not sure “funny” is the word I’d use. But sure, yes, we’d do something funny. I’m sure I’d do something funny with Vic, too, even though we just met.

Do you think that you’re a good kisser?
I’ve been told. By men and women. I choose to believe them all.

How long will it take you to get there?
If I’m alone and have no time, 30-60 seconds. If I’m not alone, it depends on the partner and what action is taken in what order. But I prefer not too soon… but not so long that there’s no time for more.

What defines a sexy man according to you?
These are not all ‘required’ for me to find a man sexy… but I love many things… some are essential (like brains). I like ‘em smart. Sweet/romantic but also dirty (at the same time and separately). Affectionate/thoughtful. Communication is important… talk to me. I’ve also got to admit… I have a thing for tall, dark hair, facial hair (yes, please), forearms (mm, yeah, always been a thing for me). Also even sexier if he’s got great taste in music and if he’s a musician. (I have never had a serious relationship with a man who wasn’t a musician. I just realized that right now… does this constitute a fetish? Ha!) 

How and where do you like being touched the most?
Sigh. If he grabs my face and kisses me, I melt. Then sinks his fingers into my hair… with more kissing… then tilts my head so he can kiss my neck. Sigh. Also boobs… touched, kissed, licked. Any and all of those.

Have you succumbed to the seduction of an older man ever?
I can’t think of one… at least not significantly older. Plus, I often seem to be the seducer. Seductress?

Has anyone ever accidentally seen you naked?
Yes.

What’s your ultimate fantasy?
If this is a break from reality… some ridiculous fairy tale romance… but with lots of sex.

devil.

Now you know far too much about me…

 

Posted in personal, sex, writing | Tagged , , , , | 58 Comments