I couldn’t breathe. My hands were shaking. He didn’t even notice me. Only the sound of my keys hitting the floor caught his attention.
“What the fuck, Dan?!?”
I said nothing more. I just stared at his face. His unfazed, uncaring face. The face I wanted to kick… and never see again.
“Oh… uh… Amy. I didn’t expect you back…”
No fucking shit he didn’t expect me!
Before he said another word, he grabbed the head of the woman kneeling on the floor in front of him and pushed her away. Her mouth released him and he zipped his pants. He took a step toward me. And I took a step back.
“Don’t come near me.” I could feel tears streaming down my face and they made me even more angry. He didn’t deserve my tears. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction – to let him think they were for him. Because they weren’t. They were for me. “Jesus, Dan! I asked you! All those talks we had! I fucking asked you if there was someone else. I wasted so much time trying to make this work. God, I felt guilty that I couldn’t fix it! Fucking guilty!”
He was speechless. And I didn’t want to hear a word out of his lying mouth anyway. I grabbed my keys from the floor and got the hell out of there.
My hands clutched the steering wheel. I was too upset to drive but I had to. I leaned forward until my head hit the wheel. I hated that I was still crying. Oh, Dan could have let every fucking woman he knew in his pants. I didn’t care. But I had been carrying all that guilt about the hours I spent talking to Greg. Talking, God dammit! While Dan was fucking God knows who… since God knows when. I never should have felt guilty. Never. And fuck Dan for stealing all that time from me.
I lifted my head and wiped my tears. After a deep breath that didn’t help at all, I grabbed my phone.
“Hi… I need help… can you help me? Oh God… I need somewhere to go… please…” I was sobbing. My words were impossible to understand. I knew that. But I couldn’t catch my breath.
“Amy? Slow down… my God… what’s wrong?”
I tried to breathe. I had to calm myself enough to speak clearly. It wasn’t going well. And I may have made my struggle to relax worse… because I didn’t call my mom. I didn’t call my sister… or my best friend. No. Without a thought, without hesitation, without even realizing what I was doing, I called him.
“Amy? Honey, talk to me… tell me what you need.”
Breathe, Amy. Talk. Oh my God… he just called me ‘honey’… Am I having a heart attack? I think I’m having a heart attack.
“Greg… I…” Breathe. “I can’t be here… at home. I need somewhere to go…”
“Do you want me to come get you? I can leave right now…”
“No… I have to get away from here.”
“Are you okay to drive? I’m worried about you…”
“I’ll be okay… as long as you’re not too far…”
“Amy… I’m not far. Meet me for a smoothie.”
I smiled. Through waves of tears and anxious breaths and possible cardiac arrest, I smiled. He made me smile.
“I’m going… right now.”
“I’ll be there.”
Only he could make ‘shut up’ sound like one of the sweetest things anyone had ever said to me.
I saw him inside by the window. He stared out into the fading sunshine looking for me. And when he found me, he stood and took a few steps toward the door. The look on his face brought my tears back. The worry, the concern. My shoulders rose and fell with my sigh. All I could do was look at him.
“Amy. Are you okay?” He gently laid a hand on my shoulder, waiting for me to answer.
But I didn’t answer. I didn’t know the answer. I sighed again and wiped tears from my cheeks, wondering when I’d ever be able to speak. But I didn’t have to worry. Not at that moment. He could see that I wasn’t ready. So he whispered my name. And pulled me into his arms.
To be continued…