Fixing my life. I told myself I didn’t know where to begin. But of course, I did. I knew exactly what I had to do yet I struggled. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do it. It was knowing what would come next. Lawyers and meetings over possessions. Arguments and glares across tables.
I spent days planning my every word, my every action. But I had to stop overthinking. Finally, lying alone in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark one night, I decided tomorrow was the day. I took a deep breath, sighed and closed my eyes. But the voice in my head repeating ‘tomorrow’ kept me from sleep. And the buzz of my phone vibrating on the table beside me forced my eyes open.
greg: Amy, I miss you.
greg: You don’t have to talk to me. I know you need time. But I told you I wasn’t going to give up.
greg: I hope you’re okay. Good night.
I stared at his words on the screen. Why did they make me feel better? How did they calm me and make my heart swell at the same time?
me: Greg… wait…
greg: I’m still here.
me: I’m sorry… do you need to get some sleep?
greg: No. I’m a superhero. Captain Insomnia.
He was adorable. He always made me smile. Effortlessly.
greg: Amy, talk to me.
me: My life is a disaster.
greg: No it’s not.
me: It is. And it’s not right for me to drag you into it.
greg: I’m already in it. And you certainly didn’t drag me. I barged in. With flowers.
me: You know what I mean.
greg: Yeah, I do. But I disagree.
me: How can you be so nice when I’ve been so horrible?
me: Why aren’t you angry with me?
greg: Because I understand.
greg: Because I know you’re in hell and I’ve been there and I wish I could help you.
me: Maybe you can…
greg: How? Tell me what you need.
me: Was your divorce lawyer any good?
me: I have to deal with this… tomorrow… and I was going to just pick someone…
greg: I will send you his info right now.
greg: Does this mean we can get a smoothie tomorrow?
me: I might be meeting your lawyer tomorrow…
greg: Are you going to keep going to the gym so damn early?
Again he made me smile, almost laugh. But I didn’t have an answer for him.
greg: It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. But please, tell me if I can help.
me: Greg… thanks.
greg: You already said that. And you don’t have to thank me.
me: I do. And I need to let you sleep. Captain Insomnia.
This time I made him laugh and I was happier than I’d felt in weeks.
greg: Is that my new nickname?
me: Only if you wear underwear over your pants and a blanket for a cape next time I see you.
greg: That’s a real possibility.
me: Greg… thanks for talking to me… and making me laugh.
greg: Thanks for letting me.
“Thank you, Mr. Murdock.”
I shook his hand and walked out of the law offices of Murdock & Willis. I had tears in my eyes, but never questioned my decision. The relationship between Dan and I died long before I contacted a lawyer. Long before I had the courage to take control. Long before I met Greg.
Still, I felt guilty. Dan didn’t know I called a lawyer. Greg’s lawyer. He didn’t even know Greg existed. But none of that mattered anymore. The wheels were in motion. Finally. Dan would have to deal with it. He probably wouldn’t even care.
When I arrived home, I parked but couldn’t get out of the car. I froze, staring at the house. I’m going to leave. Oh, I could try to get the house, but I don’t think I want it. With a sigh, I stepped out of the car and headed inside. But before I opened the door, I saw something that made my heart pound so hard it almost hurt.
I picked up the box leaning against the door and saw that little flower shop logo. But I already knew exactly where it came from. And who sent it. I didn’t even go inside the house. I opened the box and smiled when I saw the daisies. But this time, there was a card.
Amy – I’m making my blanket cape right now. –Captain Insomnia
Tears fell from my eyes but I smiled. I stuck my key in the door and opened it. And then I lost my smile. And I dropped the flowers.
To be continued…