All those times
you toyed
with my heart
and tried to break
my spirit
are finally fading
from my mind…
And I can prove
I’m over you—
I don’t even
remember your name.
I’m not going to rip on someone for being a bad friend. Well, not someone else anyway. The bad friend is me.
I’m distracted and disappointed. I’m exhausted and restless.
I feel so much like I need a friend, yet I’m a terrible one.
Thank you to those of you who have reached out… or replied when I reached out. I’m sorry I’m the least fun person on earth right now. I’m sorry I never have good news. Not just sorry for you for that one…
I don’t know what wrongs I’ve committed… there must be some huge ones… because otherwise, I’m not sure why I deserve all that has been going on in my life.
I try to separate it from here. I want to write something decent… and not talk about all the badness. I want an escape… I need an escape. But I can’t have one. The troubles follow me. They refuse to get out of my head and they’re hard to ignore when they come with physical pain that, apparently, cannot be resolved.
I’m sorry.
What I wouldn’t give for someone to hold me and tell me it’s all going to get better. Even if that’s a lie.
when I close my eyes I can see yours and they remind me of every moment we spent together and I wonder if you know how many hours I have spent remembering the last night I slept in your arms the last time your fingers touched my cheek the last time your lips kissed mine and the last time we said goodbye
[Disclaimer: I know I’ve said I think Valentine’s Day is ridiculous… and I do… but when this idea came to me, I just couldn’t help myself. And it was such fun to make.]
It took me less than five seconds to come up with a song. It’s one of my favorite songs ever. I don’t know what it is about this song, but I love it so much. I went through a phase where I was listening to it on repeat for days.
John wrote this while he was at Berklee College of Music (in Boston… a mere 15 minutes from my location at the time…) before he dropped out. It’s the second song he ever wrote. I think it’s pretty fucking amazing.
I can’t really say why I love it so much. I can’t usually explain such things. There’s just something about it… that gets me every time I hear it. It makes me emotional or something. Like… I can feel it. Full disclosure… the first time I heard it, I cried. Still happens to me sometimes. Hey, I never claimed to be sane. Or normal.
I suppose I can identify with the feeling of being on the side… being a fallback… and letting myself be that. I shouldn’t be willing to be the backup… to only be considered if there are no other options. I should be the first choice… or I shouldn’t be there at all. Must be my fear of loneliness that makes me allow such treatment.
• • •
Just in case it wasn’t obvious… the first line, especially, is what makes this song perfect for the theme.
Six numbers, one more to dial Before I’m before you I tried to call Been busy all night Gave up waiting at daylight
Excuse Mrs. Busybody Could you pencil me in when you can Though we both know that the worst part about it Is I would be free when you wanted me If you wanted me
I am the man on the side Hoping you’ll make up your mind I am the one who will swallow his pride Life as the man on the side
One of the many One of the few To stand back and wait for you
Excuse Mrs. Busybody Could you pencil me in when you can Though we both know that the worst part about it Is I would be free when you wanted me If you wanted me
If you wanted me
I am the man on the side Hoping you’ll make up your mind I am the one who will swallow his pride Life as the man on the side
Life as the man on the side
I fell in love with a dream that I built of you Playing the part of the Queen Taking my own advice
I’m giving up tonight Good luck to you and the King
Excuse Mrs. Busybody Could you pencil me in when you can Though we both know that the worst part about it Is I would be free if you wanted me
When you wanted me When you wanted me
I am the man on the side Hoping you’ll make up your mind I am the one who will swallow his pride Life as the man You know, life as the man Living life as the man on the side
This video is from John’s live album/dvd ‘Any Given Thursday,’ and there’s a lyric-free intro before the song begins. If you want to get right to the song, start at 3:06.
I hate the way I let you hurt me and when you laughed at the pain you brought like I was only a joke to you it cut me deeply and made me want to kick you in the nuts
what sandra thinks 