pushing clouds.

Posted on 24 January 2017 by what sandra thinks

kiss-in-sun

Pushing clouds away…
You have mastered the weather
…just to give me sun.

p_double-s-div

©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , , , , | 19 Comments

song of the day. #20

Posted on 23 January 2017 by what sandra thinks

song of the day | what sandra thinks
Maybe I’m wallowing. But I haven’t been completely miserable. But I do have too many things weighing on me right now. More than I’ve posted. (You’re welcome.) I’ve had moments of inexplicable breakdown… yet moments of genuine laughter. I know I’m broken. I’ve given up the idea of ‘fixing’. Instead, I’m trying to figure out how to live with myself… because it has become clear to me that there is no ‘fix’.

The balance isn’t there… or when it is… it’s fragile… it’s delicate. And it breaks.

And then there’s the matter of trust. How can anyone expect it to remain when it’s been betrayed? It doesn’t just regenerate when it’s been severed. Why would someone bother pretending to be a friend only to tell me half-truths? Why keep me in his/her life at all? Just to have someone to lie to? Just to have a human doormat?

I don’t know about you, but I want friends I can trust… and who trust me. If I wanted secrets and lies and dishonesty, I’d go into politics. [Shudder] So don’t pretend to care… or pretend to be sincere. Be honest… be true to me… or don’t bother with me at all.

 p_loopyswirl-div

So why’d you fill my sorrow
With the words you’ve borrowed
From the only place you’ve known?
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you?
Why’d you sing with me at all?

song of the day

song of the day
Obviously I am not the owner of any rights to this song, this video, or these lyrics… just everything else… which isn’t much… © 2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in music, writing | Tagged , , , , | 27 Comments

don’t lie to me.

Posted on 22 January 2017 by what sandra thinks

lies.

What’s the point? What good could possibly come from a lie?

I understand omission. Some things are better left unsaid.

BUT

If I ask you a question… point blank… even if you think I might be better off not knowing the answer… don’t fucking lie to me.

Guess what?

I’m going to find out anyway. Somehow, I always do. Maybe because I’m a fucking genius. And definitely because you’re a fucking moron.

Don’t worry… I won’t call you out. Maybe you’ll think all is forgiven. But I will know. I will always know. And apologizing doesn’t erase your act of dishonesty so don’t bother. I will remember.

Forgiving is possible. Forgetting is not.

I hope it was worth it.

wave short line

©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in rant, writing | Tagged , , | 44 Comments

fiction friday 52: tell me. (take 2)

Posted on 20 January 2017 by what sandra thinks

fiction friday.

A little piece of a little piece posted last April. Taken from a longer story I originally wrote in 2002. 

Continue reading →
Posted in fiction, fiction friday, romance, writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 24 Comments

boring.

Posted on 19 January 2017 by what sandra thinks

light-bulb-sketch

Earlier today, as I read through my ‘52 weeks of drawings‘ list, I was bored. Too many of the weeks are just so… boring. I’m not sure why I think this now but didn’t when I started. Maybe it’s my mood today? I don’t know but I don’t want to be boring. And if I’m bored, I’m pretty sure you’ll be bored, too. I kind of think this whole project has been boring for everyone already.

I thought of asking you for words to replace the boring ones… which was what this post was going to be — a request for better words. But I don’t think I want better words. I want a better plan entirely.

Maybe I’m crazy to want some new weekly thing anyway… I haven’t even been keeping up with fiction friday… and I have no perks. My current weekly posts are already neglected. But clearly something is missing for me.

Your thoughts? I’d love to hear them. Or read them.

p_squiggle-div

©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in art, drawing, writing | Tagged , , , , | 23 Comments

one thousand.

Posted on 19 January 2017 by what sandra thinks

woman-walking-snow

A thousand miles from you
Even the clouds are blue
A thousand hours since
My lips last had your kiss
A thousand ways to cry
Since we said goodbye
A thousand dreams of when
I am in your arms again

p_double-s-div

A thousand followers have appeared…
Thank you so much for being here.

(My sincere apologies for how cheesy those last two lines are…)

1000 followers

©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in blogging, milestone, poetry, writing | Tagged , , , , | 26 Comments

the doctor is in.

Posted on 18 January 2017 by what sandra thinks

the doctor is in.

No… not that kind of doctor.
wave short line

snoopy-tardis

No… not that kind either.
wave short line

In two days, my son is going to be 12… and after 11 birthdays, we’re running out of themes. Batman, The Avengers, Star Wars, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Flash… and a bunch more… we’ve done them all. But I must make a party invitation. It’s my thing. And I hate to think he’s getting too old for a ‘theme‘ (other than technology and money, his two favorite gifts).

Enter Doctor Strange. How could one not enjoy this movie? (No, don’t tell me. I like thinking everyone loved it as much as I did.)

doctor strange

wave short line

I decided to use his iconic cape in my design… since it already has a life of its own…

doctor strange cape

wave short line

Here’s the result of me spending way too much time on this… stand up collar and all. [Oh yes — I really did print one fake invitation with no personal info… my son’s name is not ‘boy’!]

doctor strange | what sandra thinks

(If you’ve seen the movie, you may be amused by the fake street address…)

Now… I must come up with an idea for the cake. Which has to be chocolate. With chocolate. And also, chocolate.

small-dot-divider-red_double_2

©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in art, design, writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 50 Comments

it’s just me.

Posted on 17 January 2017 by what sandra thinks

me.

I have certain characteristics… and a very particular set of skills…

particular

 No, seriously. Specific traits and abilities come to mind when I think of myself… and I imagine when others think of me, too. (Assuming anyone other than ‘me’ ever thinks about ‘me’.) Some things have become so closely associated with me that they’ve become expectations… they’ve become who I am.

Creative. Intelligent. Funny. Talented. Sarcastic.

Coffee addict. Writer. Artist. Baker. Wearer of all things black.  

These things are me. I embrace them.

And then there are these…

Negative. Sad. Lonely. Hopeless. Anxious. Cynical.

These things are also me. I think part of me embraces these, too. Which, I know, sounds totally nuts.

It’s not intentional. Not really. But they have become a part of me. And much like losing my brains or my coffee addiction, losing these feels like I’m losing me. It feels like I’m going to disappoint someone who thinks they know me.

What the hell kind of fucked up is that? Truly. If there is anyone out there who isn’t going to like me anymore because I’m no longer sad or hopeless or negative… fuck them! Right?

So why does it feel like I’m not being ‘true to myself’ if I feel good? What the hell is that?!?

I don’t understand me. I am messed up. I don’t want to be sad and hopeless.

cynical cat.

Cynical… well, that’s different. That’s never going away.

dots

©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in anxiety, writing | Tagged , , , , | 63 Comments