what sandra thinks

my (little) best friend.

Posted on 9 March 2018 by what sandra thinks

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my daughter. I’m with both of my kids a lot, but with her, it’s more than just being in the same place.

I think she’s my best friend. Of course, she’s 10 so it’s not your typical best-friend relationship. And of course, since I’m her mom, she acts like I’m not there when her friends are around or she’s on her phone with them. You know, like I’m embarrassing or something. Typical kid stuff.

But when we hang out, and we do, it’s the best. She’s silly and funny. She loves to do stuff with Mom. And she is a genuinely nice kid. She would do anything for anyone. Makes me want to do anything for her. I mean, she’s my kid. I’d do anything for either of my kids. But it’s the little things she asks for… things we can do together… just us girls. “Can you take me out to buy new headphones?” “Want to watch YouTube with me?” “Can we go get coffee?” [Hold on… I’m not a horrible mom. She’s 10… I get the coffee… she gets chocolate milk… or strawberry milk… or coffee milk (yum).]

So we do those things. Go shopping… get coffee… watch ridiculous things on YouTube… watch Spider-Man: Homecoming twenty times because she thinks the boy is cute. (Maybe when she grows up, she’ll realize it’s really all about Thor.) We even clean together… she loves to organize things.

She’s even going through a phase where she likes to have Mom-time every night before she goes to bed. I think it’s a phase, anyway. I should enjoy it while it lasts because I’m guessing that when she hits her teenage years, she probably won’t want anything to do with me.

Tonight, she’s sleeping over at a friend’s house. Of course I said yes when she asked… but I’m going to miss Mom-time tonight.

Posted in family, life, parenting, writing | Tagged daughter, family, life, parenting, whatsandrathinks, writing | 37 Comments

most days. #poetry

Posted on 9 March 2018 by what sandra thinks

most days
I don’t understand

what makes me smile
makes me cry
what makes me happy
makes me angry
what makes me go
makes me stop
what makes me wake
makes me sleep

most days
I don’t understand
why I feel
what I feel

Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged poetry, whatsandrathinks, writing | 17 Comments

good timing on the snow day.

Posted on 8 March 2018 by what sandra thinks

How convenient that today’s snow day happens to be so soon after I got this…

The movie, I mean… not the guy. Unfortunately…

Of course, it’s making writing difficult as I can barely take my eyes off the screen. Maybe I’ll have something to post tonight. Or tomorrow. Or someday.

For now… hello.

And… back to the sexy Asgardian…

(I know… this is a silly and pointless post…)

♥s

Posted in movies, writing | Tagged movie, ragnarok, thor, whatsandrathinks, writing | 25 Comments

freak show. #1linerWeds

Posted on 7 March 2018 by what sandra thinks

My life is like a freak show… only no one pays to see it.

Have a nice day. 🙂

[Written for One-Liner Wednesday]

But the one-liner is inspired by this show… which is not the show represented by the photo above, that one being Rick & Morty. Yes, I watch cartoons.

Posted in humor, writing | Tagged #1linerWeds, gumball, humor, rick & morty, whatsandrathinks, writing | 15 Comments

stars. #poetry

Posted on 7 March 2018 by what sandra thinks

When the sparkle of the stars
Made night as bright as day
It was the first time
I really saw your eyes
And I could read them
Like a novel
Written just for me

dots.
©2018 what sandra thinks

Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged poetry, whatsandrathinks, writing | 15 Comments

unstable.

Posted on 5 March 2018 by what sandra thinks

A long time ago on this blog, I posted about a time I screwed up a relationship because I was so worried that I wasn’t actually special… so paranoid that the relationship was going to end that I caused the very ending I feared.

I couldn’t just enjoy it. I couldn’t ‘live in the moment.’ Instead, I thought about the future and became so concerned about what was going to happen… about what could go wrong… that I made everything go wrong.

That post is gone, just in case you’re looking for it. I removed it because the person with whom I ruined the relationship said these words to me:

“You should take that post down. It makes you look unstable.”

I was offended… insulted… belittled. And I took down the post.

I have days of heightened anxiety and sadness. I’ve not kept that a secret. But through it, I live my life. As well as I’m able. I do what I have to do… and usually more. I take care of my children, my home, my health. I am not perfect at any of those things… or at anything. (Who is?) But I do the best I can.

Maybe it’s not good enough. Who’s to say? I’m usually my harshest judge… and even I wouldn’t use the word ‘unstable’. I may not be up all the time… but I’m not down all the time either. And that’s normal. Ups and downs. Everyone has them.

Maybe we’re all ‘unstable‘…

dots
©2018 what sandra thinks

Posted in life, writing | Tagged anxiety, depression, life, whatsandrathinks, writing | 39 Comments

song of the day. #55 | song lyric sunday. #music

Posted on 4 March 2018 by what sandra thinks

These week’s theme for Song Lyric Sunday is numbers.

This is a song filled with frustration. Trust being broken. Patience being tested. It’s a song about wanting to run away to a safer, more peaceful world… but realizing that it won’t work because it would crush your dreams… your aspirations… your creativity. It’s about fighting… about nothing holding you back… about facing anything because it’s worth it not to be silenced…

Seven Nation Army | The White Stripes

I’m gonna fight ’em off
A seven nation army couldn’t hold me back
They’re gonna rip it off
Taking their time right behind my back

And I’m talking to myself at night
Because I can’t forget
Back and forth through my mind
Behind a cigarette

And the message coming from my eyes
Says “Leave it alone”

Don’t want to hear about it
Every single one’s got a story to tell
Everyone knows about it
From the Queen of England to the Hounds of Hell

And if I catch it coming back my way
I’m gonna serve it to you
And that ain’t what you want to hear
But that’s what I’ll do

And the feeling coming from my bones
Says “Find a home”

I’m going to Wichita
Far from this opera forevermore
I’m gonna work the straw
Make the sweat drip out of every pore

And I’m bleeding, and I’m bleeding, and I’m bleeding
Right before the Lord
All the words are gonna bleed from me
And I will think no more

And the stains coming from my blood
Tell me “Go back home”

[Written by Jack White]

Posted in music, writing | Tagged jack white, music, seven nation army, song lyric sunday, song of the day, the white stripes, whatsandrathinks, writing | 9 Comments

fine… is not fine. #socs

Posted on 3 March 2018 by what sandra thinks

This quote (from 2 Broke Girls… which was hilarious in the beginning but lost it’s magic for me later…) is the first thing I think of when I hear the word fine. It’s funny as hell, I think… because it’s true.

How do I look?
Fine.

This does not mean I look good… or even okay. It means there’s something amiss but you ~~don’t want to~~ are afraid to tell me. Or it means you didn’t even look at me. In most cases, probably the latter.

Are you okay?
I’m fine.

Fine does not mean fine here either. It means no. It means I’m upset, angry, frustrated, annoyed, or some other such non-fine emotion. And I bet it’s obvious from my tone. It is not appropriate to end a conversation here. “Okay, good,” is not an acceptable response. Because… I am not fine!

It would help a lot if you could keep this in mind at all times. So…

Can you do that? Can you remember this?
No, I can’t.
Fine.