A long time ago on this blog, I posted about a time I screwed up a relationship because I was so worried that I wasn’t actually special… so paranoid that the relationship was going to end that I caused the very ending I feared.
I couldn’t just enjoy it. I couldn’t ‘live in the moment.’ Instead, I thought about the future and became so concerned about what was going to happen… about what could go wrong… that I made everything go wrong.
That post is gone, just in case you’re looking for it. I removed it because the person with whom I ruined the relationship said these words to me:
“You should take that post down. It makes you look unstable.”
I was offended… insulted… belittled. And I took down the post.
I have days of heightened anxiety and sadness. I’ve not kept that a secret. But through it, I live my life. As well as I’m able. I do what I have to do… and usually more. I take care of my children, my home, my health. I am not perfect at any of those things… or at anything. (Who is?) But I do the best I can.
Maybe it’s not good enough. Who’s to say? I’m usually my harshest judge… and even I wouldn’t use the word ‘unstable’. I may not be up all the time… but I’m not down all the time either. And that’s normal. Ups and downs. Everyone has them.
Maybe we’re all ‘unstable‘…
©2018 what sandra thinks