After school today, my son went with some of his friends to hang out at a park. One of the kids… who he’s never particularly liked, let’s call him A… grabbed a bottle from my son’s backpack. Then, basically, this kid tried to pick a fight with my son… but my son didn’t take the bait. The kid tossed the bottle… My son picked it up and started to walk away… and A’s best friend threw a whole different bottle at my son.
My son can be a bit emotional (my fault)… so I’m sure that as he walked away (and subsequently called me for a ride home), they saw him cry. And he said a lot of kids he knows were there. No one stood up for him. And he’s convinced that Monday at school everyone (literally) is going to be picking on him… making fun of him… and no one will be his friend.
The offending kid is pretty popular, my son says. He really thinks his whole grade is going to know about this and he will have no friends.
I don’t know what would make someone be so mean to my kid. He’s a little shy sometimes… but he’s never had trouble making friends.
But some kids are just mean. And right now… he doesn’t have a ‘best friend‘. [He used to before he started middle school last year but when his friend wasn’t in any of his classes, they drifted apart. They’re still friends but it’s not the same.]
I feel like I did something wrong. Like I failed.
He’s told me before… and again today… that he wishes we lived at the other end of town because all his friends live over there… so they’re all better friends with each other than with him. They go to each others’ houses whenever they feel like it and my son feels left out. And now he thinks he has no friends at all.
The irony is that we live on the side of town that’s considered “nicer”… but that doesn’t matter to him. Hell, it doesn’t matter to me… but… it’s not like we can move anyway. For a whole slew of reasons. And I doubt it would change anything… a lot of those kids have been friends since preschool. We can’t go back in time and be there when he was younger so he’d met these kids sooner.
I can’t fix this. There’s nothing I can do. I feel terrible. Why did I ever think I could be a good mom? I’ve failed.
And now I’ve got a killer headache from forcing myself not to cry. I can’t let the kids see that. Not now. Not about this.
I feel like a failure. If my son isn’t happy, isn’t that what I am?
©2017 what sandra thinks