I have something to get off my chest.
And it’s this bra.
No, I’m just kidding. Well, I mean, yeah, maybe later, but that’s another story.
Part of the reason I started this blog, particularly anonymously, was to give myself a place to be me. All of me… up, down, and everywhere between. I wanted a place to stop hiding, stop faking it, stop acting [I should have a fucking Academy Award by now], stop pretending to be what others want me to be. And above all else, a place to stop worrying who I might piss off if I said what I really thought. [Origin story of the name ‘what sandra thinks’ in under 25 words…]
No better version of me I could pretend to be tonight.
[Hozier (of course) – Jackie & Wilson]
I was a little scared. [Maybe more than a little.] I wonder if that’s the deep-rooted psychological explanation for titling everything without caps. Still trying to shrink? [Or I just like how lowercase looks aesthetically… I always have.]
But fears aside, I skipped off to my own little blog world [did not actually skip] and wrote some posts. I wrote knowing my husband would never read. [Aside: My husband is one of the reasons I needed an anonymous outlet.] I knew my mom wouldn’t read… nor my sisters. No one I have ever met in the flesh in my entire life would ever read a word I posted here. And no one has.
Free pass! Say whatever the fuck I want.
It was exactly what I needed. No worrying about offending anyone, even those closest to me. No need to censor myself in any way for any reason. A place to just be me.
And that’s who I am. Me. No fear posting stories about my past. No fear posting opinions or rants or random thoughts. And after a little initial anxiety, no [more] fear posting fiction or poetry – even the mature stuff. All good. All me. Saying whatever the fuck I want.
Then… I met you.
I made some friends – better friends than I’ve had offline probably since college. And I know you’re reading my words… true, fictional, poetic…
I began to worry. I began to second-guess every word I was about to post. Am I going to offend someone? Or scare someone? Drive someone away? The very reason I began blogging – to say whatever the fuck I want – began to slip away. The worries from my offline world crept in and spread like a nasty virus.
This virus infected one of my personal—autobiographical—non-fiction posts. I flat out lied about something. One thing. One post. Because I worried what some might think of me… how they might react. I have hated myself for that since I posted it. I am not a liar. Except for that one transgression.
I don’t know what brought you here or why you stay. Obviously, I am awesome but, I mean, what specific aspect of my awesomeness? The true stories? The fiction? The sex? [That is to say, the sex stories… sorry for any confusion.] The poetry? The humor? Just me? I don’t need to know the answer (though I am curious). But whatever the reason, I’d like you to stick around.
So I accidentally, unknowingly started my [non-Oscar-winning] acting career again. Well, acting by way of omission only.
This blog is all me. It’s just not all of me.
And that’s cool. All of me would be a bit much. I’ve never mentioned, for example, the day I forgot until about 30 seconds before my husband got home with the kids that my vibrator was air-drying in the bathroom. True story. [Also, I have more to say about that tool. The vibrator, not my husband, also a tool.]
It kills me, though, when I want to share something and I hold back the same way I would at Mom’s having Thanksgiving dinner with my family. I’m not going to tell my aunt to shut the fuck up no matter how much I may want to. That would not end well for me.
There’re some things that I should never laugh about in front of family.
[The National (of course) – I Need My Girl]
I’ve become cautious here. Holding back, biting my tongue. Not lying – just not saying all I want to say. I never wanted that to happen here! But I’ve come to think… if people are here to laugh or read fiction or poetry, they don’t want to hear about the shit day I had last week or my moodiness or the reason I’m irritated with my husband at the moment or what I really think about {insert controversial topic here}.
No no no… not everything.
Of course, I don’t always want to tell those stories. God no. [See above – all of me would be a bit much. Even for me.] But occasionally, I need to vent… rant… scream. [Don’t worry – you cannot hear me scream. Most likely. Although if you’re within a 100-mile radius of my unconfirmed location, I make no promises.]
It’s nice to feel like I have someone to talk to, someone who will listen… really listen, not sit there and nod occasionally, barely looking away from his phone. Listen. Not really for answers or advice. [And holy fuck, you know how I hate clichés! I don’t even care if they’re often true. That doesn’t change the fact that they are not even a tiny bit helpful. In fact, they make me feel worse. Ugh, spare me, please.] No… none of that. Just a little support and a hug. That’s hard to come by in my ‘real‘ life… (sadly, true story).
[Aside: Oh yes, I do appreciate the incredible irony — I’m more likely to get a ‘hug’ from one of you when I need it than from anyone in my offline life… (oh, except for my kids).]
I’ve written so many posts I’ve never published. Some I never truly intended to post. But others? I had every intention of posting… until I read them again. Concerns and doubts crept in. Second thoughts. Will I offend, bother, bore, or even disappoint someone? I don’t even know, at this very moment as I type these words, whether or not I will publish this post.
I think I’m losing my free pass. I’m no longer saying whatever the fuck I want.
But why?
Sometimes I’m in a really fucking horrible mood… and I bet sometimes you are, too. This is normal. Why do I think I can never speak of it? Maybe if I write about it, you’ll identify with it. Or maybe it’ll be a funny rant and you’ll laugh. And maybe I’ll laugh.
And that’s a win for everyone.
One lesson I learned is that the reason that I attracted bloggers to my blog was that they found what was really *me* interesting. It’s important to always realize that a person who is genuine is far more attractive than someone who is not. Just be you!
LikeLiked by 2 people
It’s not that I’m not me… I can’t be anyone else (and at times in my younger life, God knows I’ve tried…). It’s just that I don’t always let on exactly how I really feel or what might be going on in my life. But maybe that’s what you meant. And I get it. God knows I am interesting enough. I couldn’t make up this shit and I write fiction. I certainly don’t want anyone to read this post and think I’m a big fat fraud. Just because I won’t divulge my last name or my face (ahem) or some other crap certainly doesn’t mean I’m not genuine. I’m sure that I could post every explicit detail of my life and people would read. They just might question my sanity… or something.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No one will ever doubt your sanity. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, admit it… you already have! 😛 Of course, you’re still here, so… maybe the assumption of my sanity from the start was that I didn’t quite have it. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol! I think it’s something like this – those who question their sanity are not insane at all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, I suppose if I’m “sane enough” to think I may not be sane… I must be uh, well, smart anyway. 🙂 Oddly, something I’ve never questioned… my intelligence… Well, maybe not odd. I did have that one-question-away-from-perfect SAT score back in high school… when I felt as insane as fuck!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bravo, sister! Let it rip! We’ll be here for you! xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, I know *you* will… but hell, sometimes I scare *myself*… imagine what I could do to others. (That last sentence feels like one of those fortune cookie fortunes where you read it and add “in bed” to the end…. see, try it… “imagine… to others… in bed”) xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha! You won’t scare anyone. I think the “realer” (bad grammar, I know) you are, the more people will respect it. Honesty rocks even if it’s not always pretty. In bed… 😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahaha! I guess I should be the “realist”… okay, wait, that has a whole different meaning. I guess I have to say the “most realer”. OMG, it pains me to type that! I’m going to start adding that to every comment. I sure hope I won’t scare anyone. In bed. (Although possibly that would add a new level of excitement…)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahaha! It might be empowering to scare someone. In bed! 😈
LikeLiked by 1 person
Btw… I love that the little devil emoji is purple, you know what I’m sayin’?
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is red on my phone but purple on my laptop… Weird!
LikeLike
I am horrible at being mad/angry because I don’t know how to do it effectively. People expect me to be pleasant and positive but sometimes I don’t want to be that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And that is how I usually am offline. Although people don’t expect me to be positive… LOL… they do expect me to be pleasant and not make waves. But that’s pretty much who I am. I make waves. If I disagree with you, it’s VERY difficult for me to hold it in, yet I’ve done it with offline people for pretty much as long as I can remember! I guess that made it hard for me to truly “say anything” here… Old habits die hard. No matter how stupid they are!
LikeLike
Ok, that was a lot to take in. I can’t recall how I came to find you here, but I’m glad I did. You’re a great writer, funny, and always make me smile and/or laugh. That’s why I’m sticking around. As for the omissions or fear of posing anybody off? Here’s my take: when I comment on others’ posts, I worry a bit about pissing someone off. I’m intruding on their space, so I try to tread lightly. Now, when I post my own stuff? Don’t really care if I piss anyone off. It’s my post. If someone doesn’t like it, too fucking bad! So, to make a short answer long, I say do what you do. It’s good. This is your site, your sanctuary. You use it for what you need. Screw everybody else and their sensitive sensibilities. Just my opinion. That and $5 will get ya’ a crappy coffee served with attitude at Starbucks. 😃
LikeLiked by 2 people
Starbucks always makes my tummy hurt. No matter how much I may enjoy some of their drinks. 🙂 I would love to “screw everybody else” (take that however you want…).. but I can be shy at times. I realize that sounds RIDICULOUS here… but it’s true. And I get what you’re saying — on other people’s blogs, I think being cautious is sometimes for the best. But here… you’re right… I shouldn’t give a fuck. I think because I’ve spend so many years doing this cautious, guarded crap offline or I lose people, it made me fear the same thing here…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hard to break a mindset after years building it. Believe me, I get it. But, I still say you should just be you. If someone bashes you or bolts because of something you write, did you really want em in your corner anyway? I can’t speak for anyone else, of course, but I’m not bolting. Just do what you do, and the ones who are true and loyal and friends will stick with ya no matter what.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know you’re right. I need to write this down and put it up on my fridge. Of course, I never see what I put there. Probably need to stick it on my laptop… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
We don’t have any room on our fridge anymore. 😏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ours is covered, too, but I couldn’t tell you what’s there… other than this one flower made with a photo of my daughter from preschool (she is 8 now!) that keeps falling and I keep putting back up… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds like you need a hope chest for her stuff. We have three and all the crap on there is just from the last semester of this school year. Come fall, we’ll clear it off…but it quickly refills. Although, all three boys will be in middle school next year so the elementary school projects are done for us. Now that I think about it, I miss the cluttered fridge already. 😕
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh… that’s the thing… we have boxes for each kid… and I’m such a packrat, I saved almost everything! Pieces of paper with 3 scribbles from, like, the first time they used crayons! It’s ridiculous! The boxes are pretty huge. And heavy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
We do the same. Someday, we’ll be glad we did. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Post away! One of the reasons I’m still here is because, while I love the creative story telling, poetry, etc, I NEED the raw and real sharing with/of others. But…I can relate to the fears and worries, the meeting of friends better than real life since ages and ages ago. Better, even. And truly caring about what they think of me. But, I suppose, at this point, friends and groups with which I identify and truly belong, will want all of me, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the creative and raunchy, too, lol.
I’m in. 💜
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you… I think I am just such a worrier that I freak myself out. I read plenty of blogs where people say whatever they want… whatever they feel… and I haven’t run screaming away from them so I have no reason to think anyone would do that here. I’m sure part of it is the “not good enough” feeling so many people offline have given me over the years. And don’t worry… the creative and raunchy are pretty big parts of me… they’re here to stay. 🙂 ♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
I get that. Awesome!! Me too, and me too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Let ‘er rip. Get it off your chest. (Bra too). Sandra, I don’t think you should worry about the content. Only you know the purpose of your blog. It needs to fit your desires and needs. Feel good about yourself, your blog, and your writing. Be well. xoxo
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes… bra off. I worry about pretty much everything. You know that. This is only part of why I started blogging… I really did want to share fiction because I had no idea if it was any good… and just the one opinion (my own) wasn’t cutting it anymore. Plus, I really am shy offline… and it was WAY easier for me to share anonymously. But the rest… I started out sharing it all… but then I freaked out…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Blogging is the best way to get instant feedback. It provides instant gratification and helps us validate we are legitimate writers (& sometimes gives us the courage to take bigger steps). I don’tsuffer from shyness, but it is a great platform for a shy person like you. You can post your writing anonymously. You can get personal in your posts. And your identity remains a secret. And by the way, your writing is more than just good.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for saying that. I’m not even sure exactly what triggered my fear of letting all of me out. What are people going to do? Call the men in white coats? They can’t find me!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey, with some of my posts about women’s feet and other stuff, I am surprised they haven’t picked me up already. Let ‘er rip.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! I’m thinking someone else might pick me up for some my my posts. But that might not be a bad thing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep, I agree with what everyone has said. Post whatever you want. That’s a big part of why I follow you, I love your dark humor, your rants, your incredible poetry and stories. Write your grocery list, I’ll read it! I bet you’d make even that entertaining…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Diane… thank you. In the high-school-yearbook-superlatives, you are one of the “most likely to be super nice to all” people I’ve met. My humor certainly is dark… and it comes at inappropriate times offline. I kid you not, I made a joke, albeit in my own head, at a funeral. I think I shared it with someone days later… and it was funny and we had a laugh. Totally inappropriate. (It was not anything cruel or even about the deceased — I’m not a monster!)
BTW, I totally wrote down “grocery list” just now in my list of post ideas. I am so going to do that. Plenty of entertainment there since John usually does the grocery shopping…
LikeLiked by 1 person
haha, you should meet my brothers. we do lots of inappropriate humor among ourselves. my sister doesn’t think we’re funny, tho. I grew up with lots of dark humor, just don’t do it herea. I like your sense of humor! you make me laugh.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, most of my family doesn’t really get my humor… or they get that it’s MY humor and they don’t think I’m funny most of the time. Gotta say, though, my husband (usually) does get my humor. Not sure I could be here if he didn’t…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hubby doesn’t always get me, neither does my sis. My brothers and I actually made her cry one time teasing about the fact that she’s not overweight! She is, however, a little tightly wound lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
My sister… the one who doesn’t speak to me… she used to get offended by EVERYTHING. You practically have to not speak at all in front of her! But I have not been in that situation for years now…
LikeLiked by 1 person
We’re all still close, but I can’t tease my sis the way I can my brothers. She doesn’t have much of a sense of humor…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m very close with my other 2 sisters… but the silent treatment one… she barely speaks to one of my other sisters… and not at all to me or my youngest sister! I should write a post about this… it’s almost unbelievable… people will think it’s fiction! LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
You should! Course my mom didn’t speak to anyone in her family, and she was one of 6, since her mother died in the 80s. What a waste! Maybe I should write a post lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really! Some of these real-life stories are just… unbelievable.. and crazy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know! We should designate a certain day and people could all write about their crazy ass parents/siblings/spouses! I bet Hallmark would jump on it 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I see my new career now… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
And you will be wonderful at it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
Never worry about us, Sandra. You use this place to its maximum potential.
I use my blog the same way. It’s a safe place for me.
And im happy we crossed paths.
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aren’t you sweet… we just “met”… and you’ve said something so supportive. Damn, I’m starting to cry reading all these things from all these wonderful people. I really don’t have anyone like this in my offline life. (Partially my fault for being such an introvert…) Thanks, Eric. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome, Sandra. I’m glad I could make you feel that way! Looking forward to being good friends!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too! Thanks again… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
So, here’s one thing I’ve learned, be as honest as you want to be. Share what you want to share. If the people who read you are somehow offended or unfollow you based on one opinion or story, then they aren’t worth being called an Internet friend. Authenticity and showing you, however much you want to reveal, won’t scare the true friends away. And the bitch of an inner critic is in us all. It’s just a question of whether you listen to it, or you stand up to it and say, you know what? It’s fucking awesome (whether you believe it or not). Say what you want to say. I doubt you’ll see much of a change at all in the end.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Sarah. I know you’re right about all of that. I think over the years I’ve gotten so used to a certain kind of response (not a good one) to some of the things I’ve said, that I’ve become conditioned to not say it. I don’t want to hear the crappy responses anymore… or the crap like, “just don’t worry about it” when I’m clearly very worried and obviously can’t stop worrying or I wouldn’t be talking about it in the first place! Sometimes, people are stupid. 🙂 Not you — you are awesome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I definitely understand. Many people don’t understand how others just can’t stop worrying. It is very real and not as simple as flipping a switch. But, keep in mind, usually when people say that, they don’t know what else to say, but they are trying to show support.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I know. I think that’s the case with every annoying little saying — they don’t know what else to say, so they say that. But I think that helps them more than me! They feel better that they’ve said something… but I feel like butt. I do understand, though, that they are trying to be supportive. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
True. At least they are trying.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I sometimes wish I never shared my blog with people I know. Then I could say whatever the hell I want. But there is also something nice about blogging with my name attached. Like, hello people who think they know me, this is me, and this isn’t even everything.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh… there has always been a part of me that wanted to tell everyone about this blog and that they should read it… so they’ll know just what goes on in my head. I’ve even pulled a couple of things and given them to my husband, in particular, to read. I don’t know if he’s afraid of what I said or what, but he never read it. He said it (the blog and everything in it) was my private thing and he didn’t want to know. But I wanted him to know! (Obviously!) Sometimes, he’s a real boob.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well , everyone else has said it already 🙂
Be you , write what you want and what you feel like writing 🙂
Some of us like everything about “what sandra thinks” , others like just the fiction or the poetry or the art/pictures . But you are all of it , not just a part .
Anyone who becomes offended or hurt or whatever by what you write has the option of not reading anymore or grow up and come back later 😉
As far as I can see there are close to 600 (oh my God!) of us who like what you write , and those are only the signed up ones …my guess is there are loads more 🙂
So , please be you (at least here , maybe someday you can do it out there too ) ❤
Turtle Hugs
Ps: I do understand your worries (I still don't write 1/10 of what goes through my head 😉 )
LikeLiked by 2 people
WP likes to add twitter followers to that count… so it’s really a little under 500… not 600. And I’m sure all of them don’t read regularly or at all. I have blogs I follow that I never get to… how can I? So many. But I know, not the point.
I’m glad to know (and I already knew, with you) that I’m not the only one who keeps some thing away from here. And you’re also anonymous like me so it’s good to know that, too — I’m not even the only *anonymous* blogger who doesn’t let it all out!
I guess I’ve just spent too much of my life worrying about losing people when they know some of the shit that goes on in my head… so I become that way even if it’s unintended. And I should not give a fuck if people flip out and leave because of something I post… because clearly they don’t “get me”… 🙂 ♥
LikeLiked by 2 people
I “get you” I think 😉
And I really don’t think I would mind that people would know what goes through my head , even if they would classify me as totally crazy .
It’s just that I have people in my life that I must protect and that is why I chose to go “anonymous” .
Turtle Hugs
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think I know what you mean. If everything is out there, it’s not just yourself you’re exposing…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m keeping my blog from my family and real world friends for the same reasons. I don’t want to hold back or censor my words. Writing stuff down is hugely therapeutic so don’t you worry about offending anyone! It’s not about them, it’s about you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks… It is definitely easier to be anonymous, but my worries tend to creep in anyway…!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wonder if I’ll eventually feel that way, too! I haven’t been at this very long!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hopefully you won’t. I am just too much of a worrier!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is hard to get past, especially if you’ve been hurt before… I wish you all the best. I for one, will be reading!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sandra, so many have already said what I wanted to say (dammit, not first 🙂 ) I do want to add something to the wonderful responses. I love your rants, because sometimes, that particular day maybe, I’ve hit one of those moments when all you can think to say would get you classified as a sailor with the most colorful language, and your post just feels like exactly what I needed at that moment. And the stories! And just because, sending a virtual hug!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much… and for the hug, too. (Hey, you are the first one who literally said “sending a hug” in your comment. OMG, if any of the rest of you read this comment, I appreciate you whether you said that or not!) (Wow, see? Still worried about upsetting people!) Oh, and I do use very colorful language. Never was able to stop even when I had kids. I hope they remember, at least until 18 or so, never to say what Mom says. Although I do here the occasional “dumbass” when they argue with each other. Thankfully, no calls from the school (yet?). I can’t even be mad at them for it — it’s my fault!
Anyway, thanks again. I think somewhere inside I know that people identify with me when I’m mad or upset or whatever… but I think I’m just a worrier… and if I can overcome that here, maybe I can overcome it offline… someday! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
“What we write only carries the weight of its origin…its relevance is delivered by how it touches the ones reading, the same way it inspired you to describe it”
Personally, I write about the stuff that doesn’t pop up in casual conversation, or can be identified without causing some form of conflict. Keep being yourself…everyone else ain’t paying to watch😎
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh, but what with my unemployment and all, it would be GREAT if everyone was paying to watch. 🙂 Thanks so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Keep this up…and you’ll figure that part out 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I should just set up a “go fund me” page. Please donate to Sandra’s quest to put off looking for a job for as long as possible.” Not sure that would work. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
My daughter has a friend who raised $20k for a documentary!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s amazing! Of course, she had a purpose… like, not just “gimme money to live on”. I’d probably get arrested or something… 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not if you devise a business plan? Suppose you need the funding to support the time necessary to create a revenue generating blog?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I would also need it to set up such a thing… apparently there’s quite an investment involved! And, well, I don’t have a niche… or anything to “teach” which, I’ve learned, is how most revenue generating blogs make money. And sometimes, it seems very underhanded to me!
LikeLike
It can be, but watch the Nova episode “Generation Like”
It truly explains the marketing phenomenon of monetizing social media?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cool – Thanks!
LikeLike
Sorry to interrupt 😉
But how about : “gimme money so that I can write what you wanted to but can’t because you don’t have the time , or the skills or don’t like to use the F word , but sometimes you so wish you could put it all out there ” ???
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aahahhaaa. That might sell… 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I know exactly what you mean. My blog has changed content a few times and I always worry about people. I used to write only fan fiction and didn’t really share anything of myself, then started writing poems- basically sex poems, and now I write all kinds of poems(not gonna lie, there’s a lot of sex in there…) but I worry that people want a certain thing from me and I will disappoint them if I’m feeling down and not sexy(like today, lol). I had someone tell me to stop writing poetry because she wanted the stories back. I told her basically to shove it and that was so freeing!
I know we just met, but I love to read all kinds of personal things about my blogging friends. Partly because I’m nosy (lol), partly because it helps to know other people have shit in their lives too, and partly because I can offer a virtual hug to those who might need one and that makes us both happy. I hope you feel you can say what you want to, I have no doubt it won’t drive anyone you want to stay, away. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
This is exactly what goes through my mind often… what you said… “I worry that people want a certain thing from me and I will disappoint them…” I cannot count how many times I’ve thought that… and I’ve even acted on it. Not with any kind of lie whatsoever, but by posting a poem or story that I’m just not feeling at that moment. But I think it’s what people want so I just post that and keep my “moody bitch” part to myself.
Thank you so much… I’m glad to have met you and hope my posts continue to entertain you… real or fictional… or poetry… or anything. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yup, I get that.
I will be here and, I’m sure, thoroughly entertained! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I get what you’re saying. My experience is to keep people’s names out of it, of the people really close to you, unless you’re saying a good thing about them. I use a letter or sometimes change the name altogether. But I have found, in the pieces I’m most honest, that I’m most driven to share, people like those posts, prose or poetry the best. They can tell the realiness and honesty in them, it shows in your writing.
You set the limits of what you do and do not share. And you can always take a post back and make it private. Sometimes, when I was in a long term relationship, I found I needed to write things out on the blog, but it wasn’t smart or a good thing for every one to read. I just needed to write like I was going to tell all. Hope that helps Sandra 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes – despite being anonymous here… while my name is really Sandra, I’ve rarely used anyone else’s real name here. My husband, John, is not really John. My kids are not really named “the boy” and “the girl” of course. 😀 My sisters, etc… no real names. And most people from my past I’ve mentioned here. And yes! It helps! 🙂 Thanks!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww, bless you! Aren’t you a worry-wart?! But I totally get where you’re coming from.
There are things I’ve thought about writing, very personal things but I’ve chosen not to for the very same reasons as you. I think that once you start interacting with people online, the doubts will naturally surface as they would with real-life relationships. That’s just human nature – and absolutely nothing wrong with that.
There are people out there who say they don’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks, but if they truly don’t, then I don’t think they’re likely to be a very nice person (yes, that’s probably a controversial opinion in itself!)
But I feel I have better friends through blogging than IRL – one of the reasons I started it if I’m honest is that I was lonely. For various reasons I’ve lost friends and find it hard to trust people / make new ones now. So you’re definitely not alone in that respect.
So carry on as you are because as loads have already said, you’re well liked by us lot. And if anyone is offended by anything or gives you grief over a post, the best part is you can slam the lid of the laptop shut and unplug the negativity!! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much… What you wrote about friends here — better than real life… also true for me… and yes, offline, I have lost many “friends” and I have trouble trusting people now… and I find it impossible to make new friends at this point in my real life.
I’ve always wondered how true it is when someone says they don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. Everyone must to some extent. In fact, if someone bothers to say they don’t give a fuck, obviously they do or they wouldn’t bother telling people they don’t! (How confusing was that??)
You’r right… I can unplug anyone’s negativity… well, except my own! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmm, I do sometimes wish I had an ‘install updates and restart’ option on my own emotions!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is a great metaphor. I need that, too! I’d probably have to use it weekly… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey Sandra, I’ve just finished reading all these comments. You’ve got such a great supportive group of people who love you here. And you know full well I feel the same way … about you and your blog. Keep writing all your raw, real, raunchy and emotional stuff. This is your space to write whatever you want. Enjoy it. You know I’ll always be here. xo 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much… for everything you said… and for being such a great friend. Now you’ve made me cry! I feel like such an idiot for being so afraid… Even with this post — I didn’t want it to sound like I’m all lies. I’m not… I just held some stuff back. It was hard for me to post this… but you should know that you are part of what helped me do it. xo ♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I didn’t want to make you cry. I’m glad that I’ve been able to help Sandra. And I meant everything I said. You know I’m here, anytime. xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s not a bad cry… and it’s not the first time today while reading the comments in this post! I have never had this much support in my life… I didn’t really think it was possible. Thanks for proving me wrong! xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Anytime … Hugs 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think the best part about blogs is that it’s your own space to write whatever, and however you want. People will follow your blog because of what you write! I like the personal side of blogs, the stories, the ranting, the venting. I’ve also changed how I write things because I was afraid of what people might think or say, but then I reminded myself I started my blog for me. Not for the followers (although they have been one of the best parts of it) and I need to keep writing for me. Stick to what you love, and people will see that. Be true to yourself (sorry had to throw in a cliche!) We love you just the way you are! (and another one….)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, I will say that your cliches made me laugh in this context… so thanks for that. 🙂 I’ve spent too much of my life around people who’ve made me feel like I’m not good enough. I think that makes it hard for me, sometimes, to stop holding back. I get that fear that I might say something that somehow “proves” that I really am not good enough. But you’re right… I adore the people I’ve met here… and I should still be writing whatever I want. Rants forthcoming.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel the exact same way! But when I start to feel that way, I remind myself of all the wonderful people who follow my blog and they serve as proof that I am good enough 🙂 and I am reminded that they joined because they liked what they were reading. It’s just the validation I need! It’s so hard to break down those negative thoughts about ourselves, yet so easy to destroy the good ones. I kind of hate that about the human experience haha. I am looking forward to your rants!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! And yeah — I’ve always thought it doesn’t make sense that it’s so much easier to hang on to negatives than positives!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think maybe it’s because we are conditioned to think that we constantly need to improve ourselves to be liked by society? At least that’s how I see it lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sure there’s truth to that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your sense of humor is similar to mine. Fuck is a wonderful word. Let it fly.
LikeLike
I do seem to have trouble holding back where that’s concerned……
LikeLike
Really? I didn’t notice. Sarcasm
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sandra I hope you accept my apology for reposting. I won’t do that again, and I do know what you think. ADW
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s alright. Most people love having their stuff reposted, but I removed the reblog button from my posts because someone else posting my work, even as a reblog, makes me uneasy. Just a link is okay with me, but I don’t like seeing any part of my actual work elsewhere. A link to it with none of the content… that’s different. Anyway… I’m just weird, but I appreciate that you’ve respected my wishes, however crazy they may be!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Weird I get! I am weird. It’s a good lesson for me to do this right. I happened to relate to that in particular writing(going through a break up myself) and it was one of my first 5 blogs-ouch-opps. Maybe when I get my blog going and learn how not to piss off seasoned bloggers, you would consider being a guest blogger?! My novel is pretty eclectic. YNK(you never know) thanks for responding ADW
LikeLiked by 1 person
No worries – I appreciate when someone finds my work worthy of reposting. I think I’m just super possessive of my stuff. Which again, is weird for a blogger… since I put it all out there…
LikeLike
Weird I get! It’s a good lesson for me to do this right. Thanks for responding.
LikeLike