what sandra thinks

coffee sign.

Posted on 2 November 2017 by what sandra thinks

Black and white with a touch of color…

photo: my own
©2017 what sandra thinks

Posted in photography | Tagged coffee, photography, whatsandrathinks | 38 Comments

working titles.

Posted on 1 November 2017 by what sandra thinks

I know I’ve mentioned this a million times lately, but I’m still stuck on it…

I can’t come up with anything good to post.

I will not hold it against you in any way if you stop reading now. Hell, that’d probably be for the best. This might be a “publish and then have second thoughts and delete” post anyway…

I have an answer: I should just stop. I should just write nothing until I have something worthwhile to say (if I ever do again… feels unlikely)… whether it be fiction or poetry or anything else. Or the answer is the opposite: I should write anyway even if everything I write is total crap.

Neither one is working for me.

Can’t bring myself to stop trying… I don’t want to disappear. I think because I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely and I don’t have friends offline. I know… pathetic.

But… when I keep writing, which is what I have been doing, I can’t come up with anything decent.

A few working titles for posts I’ve started but not finished nor posted recently:

1. Why I’m not cut out to be a parent
2. When cookie dough is an acceptable breakfast
3. When to give up (perhaps the answer is after you’ve done the cookie dough breakfast)
4. Told you so (when my good mood vanished so soon after I mentioned it)
5. How to live without friends
6. Why my online shops are pointless
7. Mistakes I’ve made
8. Why I need a full time job but can’t have one (God DAMN I am SO sick of thinking/talking/writing about this)

And then there’s this post. The one you’re reading now… which I could still potentially reject. So all this typing may be for nothing.

I know I need to relax… give myself a break… stop stressing over it. I don’t think I know how to do that. Relaxation has always been hard for me. Even if I’m just sitting there, I rarely feel relaxed.

I’ve had this writing issue for weeks. Maybe that’s not unusual… but it’s unusual for me. I suspect it’s not really a writing issue which is why ‘just writing‘ isn’t helping. I suspect it’s something more that’s causing the writing issue. Especially because it’s causing a total creative block… or an entire life block. I’m uninspired to write… to design… to photograph… to do anything. I hate this feeling. Even when I’m having a decent day, I have this feeling… it’s just a little quieter.

Today, it’s loud.

Posted in blogging, writing | Tagged blogging, personal, whatsandrathinks, writing | 103 Comments

#1minfiction | blood.

Posted on 31 October 2017 by what sandra thinks

She knew the moment she drank the last of his blood, there would be no turning back. Death would never come. And she would be with him forever… just like she always wanted. She would feel love and warmth, and she would finally be at peace. She knew she’d made the right decision.

But when the last drop trickled down her throat, she only felt one thing.

Regret.

divider dots. red.

It’s not Monday anymore, but since I’ve been struggling to write lately, trying this seemed like a good idea. I’m not especially proud of this but I’m posting it anyway…

You can find the details at Lovely Curses.

This week’s prompt was the photo above.

Posted in fiction, minifiction, writing | Tagged #1minfiction, blood, fiction, halloween, minifiction, short fiction, whatsandrathinks, writing | 24 Comments

boo.

Posted on 31 October 2017 by what sandra thinks

I tried to write a post today. It’s just not happening. I’m only making myself more and more frustrated. And it’s destroying my mood which is already slipping anyway…

Posted in photography, writing | Tagged demon, halloween, photography, writing | 17 Comments

7 days, 7 photos | day 7

Posted on 30 October 2017 by what sandra thinks

I’m kind of sad this is over. I’ve been sort of having trouble writing lately and this was a distraction. A good one. Maybe I should keep going… posting more pictures. I don’t know. Although I’ve been struggling for good subject matter. As will be obvious from today’s picture. I know… I’m not supposed to explain anything…

Thanks, sonofabeach96, for making me do this. Well, you didn’t make me, but thanks anyway.

• • • • •

“Seven days. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day.”

[Yeah, that last part is not going to happen. I always feel like I’m imposing on people… but if you want to do it, pretend I challenged you.]

Posted in photography, writing | Tagged 7days7photos, photography, whatsandrathinks, writing | 26 Comments

moody monday. #12

Posted on 30 October 2017 by what sandra thinks

moody monday.

This morning I woke up to this…

And people think I watch too much television! Pbbthhh. Hell, if I hadn’t turned it on, I wouldn’t have seen that. And been turned on. Ha!

• • •

I need to go out and get a husband today. It’s not for me. My daughter asked for one for her birthday. But maybe I’d like one, too. I could get two. One for her… and one for me. They don’t look very chic but they’re comfortable and I haven’t had one since college.

So… I’ve got to get myself out of the house.

The sun is trying to come out now but last night we had very heavy rain and scary wind. Hurricane-force gusts. I was afraid to go to bed for fear that a tree was going to land on the house while we were sleeping. Not that I could have stopped it just by being awake. I’m not Thor.

At about 1 am, someone was at the door. No… not really… but it sounded like someone was banging on the front door. Scared the hell out of me. So of course, in true horror movie fashion, I got up to check it out. I’m so smart. Turns out the wind whipped open the screen door on the outside of the ‘real’ door, and it was opening and closing violently. So I had to open the door. I had to latch the extra latch and hope that held the screen door closed.

It’s a mess outside now. Leaves and branches all over the place. And still windy. I actually love the wind… but last night was excessive.

• • •

Mondays are not easy. I guess they’re not great for anyone. And maybe it shouldn’t be that way for me since I don’t have to go to work come Monday morning. But I almost think being home alone is worse. For me, anyway. I go from relative chaos to silent loneliness. I do like being able to do my own thing but it’s too quiet (thus the television). And I have too much time to think. The anxiety-inducing things tend to take over. You know, since I can never get rid of them. It’s unsettling. And exhausting.

But I woke up in a pretty good mood today. Days like this are better than others. When I start out in a good place, I don’t feel like I have to spend the day trying to lift myself up. I just have to try to stay where I am. Easier. But Monday still sucks.

I still have this fear of saying I’m in a good place… I don’t know if I think I’m going to jinx it or what. I guess I’m not expecting it to last so saying it… enjoying it… seems ridiculous. Oh yeah, I do see how messed up that is.

Final assessment: Happy about waking up to Chris Hemsworth. Sad it wasn’t in person. Cautious about letting myself feel alright.

Posted in writing | Tagged moody monday, moodymonday, whatsandrathinks, writing | 21 Comments

7 days, 7 photos | day 6

Posted on 29 October 2017 by what sandra thinks

Mr. Might-as-well-be-a-professional-photographer sonofabeach96 challenged me… He takes better pictures than I do. Go see.

• • • • •

“Seven days. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day.”

[Yeah, that last part is not going to happen. I always feel like I’m imposing on people… but if you want to do it, pretend I challenged you.]

Posted in photography, writing | Tagged 7days7photos, photography, whatsandrathinks, writing | 16 Comments

song of the day. #47 | song lyric sunday. #music

Posted on 29 October 2017 by what sandra thinks

song of the day | what sandra thinks

This week’s theme for ‘Song Lyric Sunday‘ is… parties/partying.

You’d think this would be a really difficult one for me. And you’d be right. I am not the bouncy, bubbly party type. I am me.

So… it’s the anti-party song. And it is one of the greatest songs of all time (if not the greatest song of all time). It contains some of my favorite lyrics ever… and I thought of it immediately upon seeing this week’s theme. I guess that says something about me, huh? I’m not sure exactly what… but it definitely says something.

The anti-party bit that popped into my head:

There’s a club, if you’d like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home and you cry and you want to die

That’s all too familiar to me. I suck at social events. I just stand there… alone… feeling awkward… barely able to speak to anyone… and then I go home and feel terrible. (Part of why I can’t make friends.) But we don’t need to talk about that again. Let’s just focus on Morrissey and his genius lyrics.