working titles.

I know I’ve mentioned this a million times lately, but I’m still stuck on it…

I can’t come up with anything good to post.

I will not hold it against you in any way if you stop reading now. Hell, that’d probably be for the best. This might be a “publish and then have second thoughts and delete” post anyway…

I have an answer: I should just stop. I should just write nothing until I have something worthwhile to say (if I ever do again… feels unlikely)… whether it be fiction or poetry or anything else. Or the answer is the opposite: I should write anyway even if everything I write is total crap.

Neither one is working for me.

Can’t bring myself to stop trying… I don’t want to disappear. I think because I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely and I don’t have friends offline. I know… pathetic.

But… when I keep writing, which is what I have been doing, I can’t come up with anything decent.

A few working titles for posts I’ve started but not finished nor posted recently:

1. Why I’m not cut out to be a parent
2. When cookie dough is an acceptable breakfast
3. When to give up (perhaps the answer is after you’ve done the cookie dough breakfast)
4. Told you so (when my good mood vanished so soon after I mentioned it)
5. How to live without friends
6. Why my online shops are pointless
7. Mistakes I’ve made
8. Why I need a full time job but can’t have one (God DAMN I am SO sick of thinking/talking/writing about this)

And then there’s this post. The one you’re reading now… which I could still potentially reject. So all this typing may be for nothing.

I know I need to relax… give myself a break… stop stressing over it. I don’t think I know how to do that. Relaxation has always been hard for me. Even if I’m just sitting there, I rarely feel relaxed.

I’ve had this writing issue for weeks. Maybe that’s not unusual… but it’s unusual for me. I suspect it’s not really a writing issue which is why ‘just writing‘ isn’t helping. I suspect it’s something more that’s causing the writing issue. Especially because it’s causing a total creative block… or an entire life block. I’m uninspired to write… to design… to photograph… to do anything. I hate this feeling. Even when I’m having a decent day, I have this feeling… it’s just a little quieter.

Today, it’s loud.


©2017 what sandra thinks

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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103 Responses to working titles.

  1. You’re not alone in this. Sometimes it’s situational. Or writer’s block happens because of distraction, family, etc. Or you need to take a break from writing. Breaks are good thing. We get attached to our characters, and we have a complicated relationship with them that can roll over into real life. If that makes sense. Don’t beat yourself up over this. You’re still on the write 😉 track.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. The only one of that list that I’m on board with is #2. Write about that all you want. As for the others? You know I’ll be right behind you, trying to disprove entirely with copious amounts of cliches. Sooooo…..write about those at your own risk. 😃😃

    Liked by 2 people

    • That’s the problem. For #2… It’d be a short post. “Anytime.” The end. But for the rest? I could go on and on. It’s all I have in my head other than cookie dough. (And I have no idea where the cookie dough thing came from…)

      I’m lonely and bored with my life. I hate everything about my life. I’m not inspired at all… for anything. I kind of just don’t even care anymore about anything.

      Liked by 1 person

      • C’mon, man. You gotta get out of this funk. I’m starting to get….well, a little worried. Your husband can see this, right? He’s aware how bad you’re feeling right now? Can he help but won’t, or is there anything anyone can do to help? Your doctor? Anybody?

        Liked by 1 person

        • I don’t think my husband notices. And I don’t bother bringing it to his attention. I drop hints and comments here and there… but he doesn’t really react or offer anything so I leave it alone. It’s not worth it.

          I really don’t have anyone. Mom is great but she doesn’t know how I feel on a daily basis and she wouldn’t know what to do anyway. I honestly have no idea what anyone could do. I’d ask for help… but I don’t know what I need.

          My NP noticed last time I saw her that I was… I don’t know… down… sad. She gave me something new. It’s been 6 days. I don’t notice any difference. Not sure how long it should take… maybe this already means it’s not going to help. I don’t know.

          I think it’s me. Like, I have trouble accepting that it’s a true medical issue. Because if nothing helps… if it can’t be solved scientifically, then it’s not medical… is it? I don’t know if that’s even logical. I mean, it is… but I don’t know if it’s right. If I have a headache and Advil doesn’t help, does that mean I’ve created a headache that’s not a medical issue? I suppose not.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Oh, it’s a medical issue. Depression is a chemical imbalance at its heart. So one would think that if that imbalance is balanced, then depression should go away. But it’s not that a black and white. I don’t know that there’s any pill that’s a miracle drug, but something should help allow you to at least cope. It sounds like you’re far from that at this point. Hopefully, this new med does that for you.

            What can I do? Is there anything that helps, that I can do from afar? If calling your mom helps, do it more often. If not writing is frustrating you, take a break. I know your concern with that, but we aren’t going anywhere. Tell me what I can do.

            (I know. But I had to ask)😊

            Liked by 1 person

            • I’ve been on so many different meds that I’ve long since lost count. Every time another one doesn’t work, I wonder if there’s anything left to try. So far, there has been, but I think that window is closing. If nothing has a noticeable impact, then how is it even chemical? Know what I mean? That’s why sometimes I wonder.

              And what’s also frustrating is that it’s not all the time. You know… the decent mood on Monday… other times when I feel alright. Do I feel happy and wonderful? Not really. But I don’t always feel really awful either. I have no explanation.

              I wish I knew what you (or anyone) could do to help. If I did, it would probably be hard for me to ask for help but at least that’d be something. I don’t know how to stop feeling worthless… and I don’t know how anyone can help with that…

              And thanks for talking to me… and giving a shit. 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

              • You’re welcome, but no thanks are necessary. It’s odd that no chemicals help balance you out. Have they explored other forms of depression, like bipolar? I wish so much for things to even out for you. I still think that having work would boost your self esteem tremendously. I know the barriers, but I still think it’d help. I just wish I knew how to help. 😕

                Liked by 1 person

                • I think having work would help me, too. But right now, I can’t figure out how to make it work. My son is getting older and he might be able to keep up his out-of-school stuff… But my daughter is too young and we’d have to send her somewhere after school and she’d have to quit the out-of-school stuff she does… except karate. She is brought to tears when we talk about it. How can I do that to her? But yes, I think work would help… my mind and my wallet. I feel completely useless. That’s a huge part of the problem. And yes, the word bipolar has come up. But the label (whether truly accurate or not) doesn’t really help. I wish my back wasn’t fucked up so I could just try a retail job while the kids are at school. I am sure I’d hate it but it might be better than nothing. But I can’t be on my feet like that. It sucks. I really think I’m stuck where I am… at least for now.

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • Nothing part-time near y’all? That’d be a great start, I think. Money may not be that great, but it’s give you some purpose, ya’ know?

                    I know precious little about bipolar, but aren’t there meds made specifically for that? I know you’re probably sick of meds, but if they find the right one, it should help some, I’d think. This funk seems to be lasting a longer period. I’m concerned. Even your tone and tenor is different lately. 😕

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • The only part time crap I can find is impossible for me because it’s pretty much all retail… on your feet the whole time… and with my back pain, I just can’t do it. I’m good for maybe an hour or two, tops.

                      I am not kidding when I say that I have been on everything I’ve ever heard of. I either end up with unacceptable side effects or it doesn’t work at all. It feels like it’s stuff around me that makes me upset. Specific things in my head that I’m worrying about. When things around me are going better, I feel better. When something goes wrong, I feel worse. They are always things beyond my control. So I feel like I should be able to feel better on my own since I can’t fix those things. But it doesn’t matter.

                      I can tell things aren’t great right now because I cry every day. Every single day. And I have no idea what to do when it happens. I don’t feel like I can get out of the house because I don’t feel that I’m in any shape to drive. Mostly, what I do is try to stop and look like everything is fine by the time I have to pick up the kids. That’s been going well.

                      Honestly… I feel like I would feel better if things would go right for me/for my family for a change. But they never do. It just seems to be one bad thing after another. I’m cursed.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Oh man. I don’t think you’re cursed. But y’all are struggling. I don’t know what the answer is. I sure wish I did. I know that when I get down, or when my wife gets down, we talk it out, hash it out, and try to come up with a game plan. It doesn’t solve the issue, but we feel like we put at least some control back in our hands. I wish you guys did that. Just having an ally against the world helps. I so wish you two were that ally for each other.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • I don’t think he’s a horrible evil person. I just don’t think he knows how to handle this situation. So he just avoids it. And I can’t entirely fault him for that because I’ve been known to do the same thing. I searched job listings this morning and all I did was cry because there’s nothing for me out there and I don’t know how we’re going to fix this… so I want to avoid thinking or doing anything about the job search because it seems futile.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Can’t hide it from, my dear. Gotta find some way to get yourself motivated, even it’s not something you’re really interested in. 😕

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • It’s not even that. It’s the hours/flexibility that I need. It’s impossible to find.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • I hear ya’. I’d call your agency weekly. There’s bound to be something out there that’ll work.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Don’t know until you ask. Give her your parameters and tell her how eager you are. Talk to her. See if she’ll keep you in mind for stuff. If you stay silent, she may not think of you first for something. Plus, if you call her frequently, she’ll get tired of you calling her frequently, and she may just expedite the process. 😃😃

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • If there are no part time jobs… then there are no part time jobs. I updated my resume… cleaned it up a bit. I’m going to send her the update. But I am stressed to the point of illness at the moment and I think I need to wait until after the weekend so I don’t cause a breakdown.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Hahaha. Yeah, right. Probably closer to 😈

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • None necessary. It’d just incriminate yourself. 😃😃

                      Liked by 1 person

          • And how can he just leave you alone about this?!? Dammit! Tell him I said to wake up, please. 😣

            Liked by 1 person

            • It won’t matter. He won’t know what to do. I’d love to have someone to care, offer a hug, just be there for me… and I know it’s awful but… I don’t really want it to be him.

              Liked by 1 person

              • Oh man, I don’t know what to say to that. That’s problematic. 😔

                Liked by 1 person

                • I don’t know what to say about it either. It upsets me… but like I said in the other comment I just made… I’m stuck where I am right now. I don’t see any way out of my current situation.

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • Have you tried shaking him? Kicking him in the shin? Anything to make him start paying attention? Is he depressed too?

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • I think he is probably depressed, too, but he talked to his doc about it (after much prodding from me)… he was put on medication and was referred to a psychiatrist. He went once and after talking to the psych, it was determined that it was a situational thing and she didn’t think he needed to be on medication. So nothing now. But even if it’s situational, people take meds for a short time. I don’t know. I’m not convinced he needs anything. He’s not like me. He’s not Mr. Bubbly either but he’s not like me.

                      We talk and are fine as far as getting along and our life together with the kids. I think the issue is that he has no idea how to help me with anything so he avoids the subject completely. I can understand why he does that. And sometimes, I’m glad he does it because sometimes talking about it makes me feel worse.

                      THIS is why I wish I was inspired creatively right now. It gets my mind off the shitty stuff and I feel better. When I’m blocked, I have no distractions and all I think about (and talk/write about) is how terrible I feel… which makes it worse.

                      I should probably never talk about it again.

                      Seriously… maybe that’s the answer.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Well, I suppose that’s an option. But burying things tends to lead to an outta the blue explosion.

                      As for the writing, have you thought about using your own experiences, from high school on, with names changed of course, but basically telling your story from the beginning? Not in novel form, just little snippets, like series of sorts?

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • I know burying things isn’t the best strategy but I can’t find a doable solution so I’m not sure what other choice I have. Keeping it out there in the forefront of my mind sure isn’t helping.

                      I’m a bit concerned that going back and thinking about my life won’t be a good thing. I’m going to think about all the mistakes I made. Maybe that’s my series… mistake #1… #2… #3… etc…

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Only if it’s loosely based on the past. Writing it out may make things seem less catastrophic and may give you some closure on it? Maybe? Possibly? You’d be writing, and embellishing as you go, so it’s not just a word for word rehash? Maybe? Possibly? 🤔

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Just a thought. If writing distracts you and makes you feel better, we need to come up with something. 🤔

                      Liked by 1 person

  3. You posted! It’s writing! It makes sense! Yea! Now I’m waiting for 10 photos in Black and White with a hint of colour.
    Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Meg says:

    I don’t keep cookie dough around but my go to is Nutella straight out of the jar. You could write about any of those things and you know we’d all read… Does it help or make it worse though? Tell us stories about your childhood, maybe stuff that only us 29 year olds would remember! 😉 Or if you want, tell us the stories of your mistakes and find out how many of us did the same damned things. You are wayyyyyyyy too hard on yourself girlfriend. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Honestly, I have realized lately that writing about most of these things makes me feel worse. I make myself cry ALL the time. But I can’t get it out of my head long enough to write anything else. I am so empty that when I read your comment, I tried to think of something from my childhood to write about and I couldn’t even think of anything! What the hell is that about?

      Oh… and I don’t keep cookie dough around either but I “accidentally” (ha) found a recipe for oatmeal cookie dough (my favorite kind) that’s meant for eating, not suitable for baking. One morning, I honestly did make it for breakfast. Super healthy. Breakfast of champions.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Meg says:

        No kidding?!? Hey oatmeal is healthy… 😀
        I would suggest photo albums but sometimes that makes me sad. I’m thinking it might for you too. Well, when I can’t write, I read. Head to the library and find a new author to read. Maybe it will give you some ideas.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. magarisa says:

    You’ve got friends here who’ll read anything you write. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Captain Q says:

    The fact that you made me laugh out loud, is exactly why you need to keep writing, if only for yourself. 😃

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Lee Dunn says:

    I would not go for option B (“keep writing even if everything is total crap”). It’s a good way for folks to lose interest. That said, I’ve been enjoying your blog, so, even if you get the tiniest bit of inspiration, plant that seed and let’s watch it grow.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Let it go and let the words find you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Have you tried Nanowrimo? Novel writing in November? I am giving it a go!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, no way in hell could I do that. Not now. I’m not in a place where I’d be anywhere near capable of writing that much…. and I’m certainly not prepared for that. I couldn’t do it without an outline or at least notes and a plan. I have nothing right now. It would be way too much pressure for me. I’d probably have a full-on meltdown… LOL!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Don’t stop this. You were made for it. If you think it was wrong you would have stopped a long time ago. You love it so much that’s why you cant let it go. Don’t give up as it says down the bottom you have 56,355 x 2 eyes on you. Just because you don’t have physical people to talk to doesn’t mean you don’t have friends. We are all here for you. Just remember that.

    And to help with your writers block as cheesy as it sounds there is a blog post ideas website that you could read if you want to.
    here it is: https://startbloggingonline.com/101-blog-post-ideas-that-make-your-blog-hot/​

    I hope that you keep writing…your posts always make my day…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Really? My posts make your day? That may be the nicest thing I’ve read all day. Thank you so much for that. ♥

      I can’t imagine stopping… but I’m obviously going through something right now. I’m always a bit of a mess but I don’t know what’s going on at the moment… it feels different… worse somehow.

      I appreciate the link. I read some of them… I’m going to read more. I hate that I’m so uninspired lately. It’s painful!

      Thank you again. ♥

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Also found a good quote
    “Silence isn’t empty…it’s full of answers”
    you will find what you’re looking for…even if it takes some time

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Hunida says:

    I hope inspiration strikes you again soon. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I wanted to scream NO DONT GO! But I think a lot of people have already covered that point haha. Although I would be interested to know when is a good time to eat cookie dough for breakfast? Short answer: always! lol but probably not since I would get bored of it easily and then it wouldn’t feel as naughty doing it. Why is the word “naughty” kind of naughty to say? Is that a thing or is that just me being too much of a “goodie goodie”? And now I’ve rambled…

    ps: Seriously, don’t go forever. I understand the need for a break, but I’d miss you.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. isabellepan says:

    I can perfectly resonate with this post, which is a brilliant one itself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. It’s so frustrating when I feel like I can’t write anything!

      Liked by 1 person

      • isabellepan says:

        We’re human beings and I think we’re often influenced by our surroundings and other factors which we don’t always have control of. I’m an emotionally driven person, I feel too much and too deep at times and it exhausts me. There’s something hard to change, it’s how I’m shaped. I also have a few half-finished posts, when I stuck in the process I start a new one. I’ve realised that if I want to write about something pleasant then I have to write it the moment it happens, because my mood change so quickly sometimes, and I might in a completely different mood a few hours later, and then I won’t be in the right mood to write that post which is supposed to be based on a pleasurable experience. And then I stuck. It’s a long comment, not sure if it’s make sense. Wishing you a great weekend anyway.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. tgops says:

    Same here….sometimes I find it rather confusing…

    Like

  16. Writer’s block is the worst. Especially when you can sort of still write but you have zero confidence in what you’re doing. I have 53 drafts on my blog, most are fully fledged posts that I think are lame. In terms of fiction, the less said the better, but I think that sometimes a break is good. Whether it’s a month, or six months, whatever. It’s good to take some time. You can try something out of your comfort zone and write something for yourself. The NYTimes has a bunch of personal writing prompts that are decent if you want to look into that. Either way, I’m sure your writer’s block is merely temporary. 🙂

    Like

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