This morning I woke up to this…
And people think I watch too much television! Pbbthhh. Hell, if I hadn’t turned it on, I wouldn’t have seen that. And been turned on. Ha!
• • •
I need to go out and get a husband today. It’s not for me. My daughter asked for one for her birthday. But maybe I’d like one, too. I could get two. One for her… and one for me. They don’t look very chic but they’re comfortable and I haven’t had one since college.
So… I’ve got to get myself out of the house.
The sun is trying to come out now but last night we had very heavy rain and scary wind. Hurricane-force gusts. I was afraid to go to bed for fear that a tree was going to land on the house while we were sleeping. Not that I could have stopped it just by being awake. I’m not Thor.
At about 1 am, someone was at the door. No… not really… but it sounded like someone was banging on the front door. Scared the hell out of me. So of course, in true horror movie fashion, I got up to check it out. I’m so smart. Turns out the wind whipped open the screen door on the outside of the ‘real’ door, and it was opening and closing violently. So I had to open the door. I had to latch the extra latch and hope that held the screen door closed.
It’s a mess outside now. Leaves and branches all over the place. And still windy. I actually love the wind… but last night was excessive.
• • •
Mondays are not easy. I guess they’re not great for anyone. And maybe it shouldn’t be that way for me since I don’t have to go to work come Monday morning. But I almost think being home alone is worse. For me, anyway. I go from relative chaos to silent loneliness. I do like being able to do my own thing but it’s too quiet (thus the television). And I have too much time to think. The anxiety-inducing things tend to take over. You know, since I can never get rid of them. It’s unsettling. And exhausting.
But I woke up in a pretty good mood today. Days like this are better than others. When I start out in a good place, I don’t feel like I have to spend the day trying to lift myself up. I just have to try to stay where I am. Easier. But Monday still sucks.
I still have this fear of saying I’m in a good place… I don’t know if I think I’m going to jinx it or what. I guess I’m not expecting it to last so saying it… enjoying it… seems ridiculous. Oh yeah, I do see how messed up that is.
Final assessment: Happy about waking up to Chris Hemsworth. Sad it wasn’t in person. Cautious about letting myself feel alright.
©2017 what sandra thinks