I’m sitting on my cozy sofa… drinking my twelfth cup of coffee (lost count)… 15 inches of snow outside so far (still coming down)… fantasizing about spring. (And, who am I kidding…? fantasizing about all sorts of things…) And today we have shocking pink… for which I have the perfect photo from last spring.
And a tiny poem from now.
I’m waiting for the bitter cold to go From inside me, from the outside snow… I’m hoping when it’s gone you’ll bring The warmth, the love, the color of spring.
I hated this color. I don’t know why… I just couldn’t find what I thought was the right photo… nor could I think of anything else to post other than a photo. But I think this one works…
By the way… no, this is not where I live. It would be nice (and insanely expensive)… but I would need to escape the city from time to time…
I’m sure I’m not the only one… but here is a snapshot of my current situation. And I am now resisting the annoying urge to ask if “you wanna build a snowman“.
I wanted to share a recipe today. Mom made this cake for Christmas with almonds in the crust and pineapple in the cake. It sounds a bit odd, maybe, but it was sooo delicious. And it would have been perfect for today’s color. However, I don’t have the recipe. I neglected to get it from Mom when I was there. I asked her to take a picture of it and text it to me, but Mom has a bit of technophobia. (That does not mean she doesn’t like techno music, although I’m sure she does not.) Anyway… she could not remember how to send me a picture and I didn’t want to stress her out. I can expect the recipe to arrive in my mailbox in two to three days. Perhaps I will post it then.
In the meantime, here is a less-than-exciting picture.
I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep this going for a whole four months but I’m going to do my best. The rules for Color Your World are pretty open… “Posts can be in any form – art, poetry, flash fiction, a memory – anything, the only caveat – it has to be inspired by the color of the day. You can join in every single day or simply post at your leisure.”
Because I was coerced invited by my very good friend Beach to participate, I may focus on photography since he does that (way better than I ever will… but still…), but I reserve the right to switch to anything else at any time… or to skip days… or to fail.
This morning I woke up with a feeling of overwhelming sadness. I don’t know the reason… not specifically. I just have the usual things worrying me. The only difference is that (1) I had to go to my in-laws this afternoon and (2) vacation for the husband and kids is nearly over.
Sure, my mother-in-law is kind of awful. But we were only there for a few hours, and my father-in-law is so nice… and funny. But going there still makes me anxious. I hardly ever do it. My mother-in-law hates me… she always has, pretty much. I’ve never been quite sure why. What the hell? I’m likable. Yeah… yeah… stop laughing.
The end of vacation… it’s not even my vacation. But all those ‘usual things that worry me‘… they scream so much louder when I’m alone. I try to distract myself. There are tons of things I could do around the house. But I feel guilty because none of those things actually lead to fixing any of ‘those‘ worries. Unless doing something… anything… gives me some sense of accomplishment? I don’t know if it would.
But the truth is… taking any action toward the big issues scares me to death. Which is so stupid since that’s really what I should be doing. But as I’ve mentioned before… I become paralyzed.
Anyway… forgetting all that (wish I really could)… I hate this feeling I have today. Overwhelming sadness. I can barely keep my eyes open and I feel like I’m going to cry. Over what? I have no answer. Fear, maybe.
There is no point to this post other than to write down what I am feeling. I don’t know if it will help or not… but there it is.
Oh… a couple more things…
This fucking cold weather is out of damn control. Walking from car to house was literally painful for my face. My favorite weather app says (it provides many details):
And please do not take offense… I don’t think bad things about anyone regardless of their positivity (or negativity)… I’m very happy for anyone who has a positive attitude and I’m jealous of said attitude—I’ve never had one. But… my comment is about me, no one else: If I see one more fucking post about how “it’s a new year!” and blah blah fucking blah… I may vomit. It’s just the next day. After yesterday. Nothing is different except the calendar. Which changes every fucking day.
Sorry. Kind of. Or not. (One of these days, my blunt honesty is going to get me into serious trouble… and leave me friendless. Oh wait…)
Doubling up again… my own ‘Song of the Day‘ and Song Lyric Sunday for which this week’s theme is… sugar/candy.
I guess I’m sort of pushing it with this one. No sugar or candy… just sweet.
I miss my younger days… the relative lack of responsibility… the freedom to do pretty much whatever I wanted… the perky boobs. Okay, I still have nice boobs. But the rest? Freedom…? Minimal responsibility…? I fucking wish! No, seriously. I wish for that all the time. And that’s one wish I know isn’t coming true.
Unless time travel is real.
I wish I’d appreciated it more at the time. Just let myself remain naive… live in the moment. But you know me… I was busy worrying about what was coming next. I started overthinking everything… just like I still do to this very day.
what sandra thinks 