why am I still holding on
when I know you’re forever gone?
I wish you were coming back
but shining light has turned to black
I’ve spent too long on this aimless train
time for me to accept the pain
but I cannot decide
if I would rather hide
watching you just to be near
or close my eyes and disappear
it hurts my heart to let you go
so I stay alone in your shadow
buried in my hopeless dreams
quiet outside while my inside screams
remembering what we used to be
wishing again to be you and me
I had to post a song today. In fact, I had to post three songs. I could have posted a few more… but let’s not go overboard with the love. It is a deep and meaningful day. The sun is shining, it somehow feels warm despite the outside temp being 31°F, the air is fresh and invigorating, and everyone on earth is happy.
[I’ll be right back. I need to vomit. Here’s something to look at while I do so.]
I’m back.
I begin with my traditional v-day poem. This is the second v-day on which I’ve posted this. Yes, this is a tradition, dammit.
Now the songs…
I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a big fan of this first one. I don’t hate it… I don’t love it. But I heard it in the car this morning and I can’t get it out of my head. So you get to have it in your head, too. You’re welcome.
[Love Stinks – J. Geils Band] You love her But she loves him And he loves somebody else You just can’t win And so it goes Till the day you die
I lost this song for a long time but recently rediscovered it. John Mayer always sucks me in. [Yeah, I heard it, too.] I spent a few days last week immersing myself in everything he’s ever released. [Yikes. Yeah, I heard that one, too.] I love this song. Especially for today. (A live version because I love John live so much. [Yeah, yeah, I know.])
[Dreaming with a Broken Heart – John Mayer] When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll out of bed and down on your knees
And for a moment, you can hardly breathe…
I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t include this one. It’s one of the greatest songs of all time. It’s perfect. Except I never got the chance to hear it live. Not like this… since Ian Curtis killed himself at 23. But let’s not focus on that. Just listen to it. Seriously… one of the best songs ever.
[Love Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division] When routine bites hard And ambitions are low And resentment rides high But emotions won’t grow And we’re changing our ways, taking different roads Then love, love will tear us apart again Love, love will tear us apart again
I’m back with another doodle… oops… I mean moodle. I won’t explain it again. You can jump over to Haylee’s Moodle Army post for all the details…
The theme this time is ‘your heart’s content‘. I couldn’t really come up with anything that seemed right for this one. So I just started, you know, doodling. I think it was good for me because it kept me offline for a while as I filled an entire page with sappy, lovey, heart-shaped things. My heart’s content? I don’t know. Maybe I just wish I was back in 7th grade doodling such things while sitting in the back of a boring history class all dreamy-eyed over the cute boy across the classroom.
I like the photo better than the crappy phone-scan… but I’m including both anyway…
So sorry I haven’t been keeping up with my fiction friday posts… I guess I’ve had a lot on my mind. Too much. Too much reality, anyway. So here’s a little something… (very little…)
She slowly ran a finger over his warm bare chest. When she turned to kiss him there, his arms tightened around her. Inside his long sweet breath, he mumbled her name just before kissing her head.
“Is it bad that we’re in the most beautiful city in the world and I never want to leave this bed?”
She laughed softly. “I think I can get you out of bed…”
“I don’t know how you’re going to do that.”
With a hand on his chest, she pushed herself up and found his smile. She surrounded him with her knees on either side of his hips and her hands on either side of his head. And she smiled. He sighed at the sight of her beautiful naked body over his.
She spoke softly, not quite a whisper. “I’m going to take a shower…”
“Oh God… please tell me I can come with you…”
She lowered her mouth to his but never let their lips touch. Somehow, he resisted pulling her closer. She crawled off him and stood beside the bed. As he waited for her to respond, he took her hand and adored her smile. Her eyes said everything but he waited for her words anyway.
“You are going to have to get out of that bed, love…”
This is a follow-up to my last post… indecision. And I don’t mean to be redundant, but I may repeat some things I discussed with some of you in the comments of that post.
I questioned whether or not to publish this post… because while you already know I’m a mess, I think this might push me past ‘mess’. If I freak out, I might end up removing it… I don’t know…
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Due to today’s blizzard (Thursday’s blizzard… it’s after 2am, so it’s technically Friday now), my therapist asked if we could reschedule today’s appointment for yesterday. So that happened. I was stressed as fuck because I hadn’t made any decisions about anything. And I lost 24 hours. Of course, let’s be realistic. Another 24 hours wasn’t going to help one damn bit. But I kind of did decide something…
I know this ultimately has to be my decision, but I am going back and forth so fast I’m standing still. I hate how much trouble I have making decisions. Constantly second-guessing myself… assuming that no matter what I decide, it will be the wrong choice… So… I’ve come to you. You lucky, lucky readers.
Back in 2005 when blink-182 went on hiatus, Tom DeLonge formed Angels & Airwaves. He did go back to blink in 2009, but by 2015, he bailed. I think for good this time. Which is a good thing… to me anyway. Because Angels & Airwaves is a band far superior to blink-182. I can say that because Tom is a close personal friend of mine.
Okay, that’s a big fat lie. I just wish he was. But I stand by my ‘superior band’ statement. I’m not sure what it is I love about this guy. Maybe it’s that I think it’d be great to sit around and get fucked up with him.
I love this song because even though he’s telling us to look on the bright side (which normally would make me want to kick someone in the face), he also understands why sometimes we don’t… or can’t… and he’s been there, too. According to these words, anyway. Plus listen to it… it may be one of the most upbeat songs I love.
And do you ever feel like you’re alone? And do you ever wish you’d be unknown? I can say that I have I can say that I have And do you ever feel things here aren’t right? And do you ever feel the time slip by? And I can say that I have And I can say that I have […] And do you ever lay awake at night? And do you ever tell yourself don’t try? Don’t try to let yourself down Don’t try to let yourself down And do you ever see yourself in love? And do you ever take a chance my love? Because you know that I will Because you know that I will […] So hear this please And watch as your heart speeds up endlessly And look for the stars as the sun goes down Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound Everything, everything’s magic Just sit back and hold on but hold on tight Prepare for the best and the fastest ride And reach out your hand and I’ll make you mine Everything, everything’s magic
I’m back with another doodle… oops… I mean moodle. I won’t explain it again. You can jump over to 
what sandra thinks 