the perk. #31 (I know, I’m shocked, too.)

the perk.

I hope you were sitting down. I wouldn’t want anyone to sustain an injury. It has been 109 days since my last perk. I bet you never thought you’d see one again. Yeah, neither did I.

It’s not easy to find the bright spots when there is so damn much darkness fighting to hide them. I know the fucking cliché – look for the good things in every day. Bite me. There are days when there are legitimately NO good things. That I woke up and I’m alive? Fuck… that doesn’t count… because it doesn’t. But also because when things suck so much ass, that’s not even a bright spot… ‘cause a part of you doesn’t even want that… it’s just the start to the hell to come. (I know… my attitude is fucking great.)

I had an appointment this morning. [As is often the case, I’m writing this after midnight, so technically the appointment was yesterday… but that’s irrelevant…] I was worried because I knew it was possible that my healthcare provider was not going to be happy with me. You see, I was kind of self-medicating (no, not with an herbal supplement). Actually, I was self-unmedicating. Some side effects undo all the good. Yet I worried to the point of near panic that she would tell me if I didn’t take it, don’t come back. Seriously, way to blow things out of proportion, sandra’s brain. But she understood… and now we move forward. Good thing #1.

Last week, my son’s second trimester report card arrived. 8 classes, 8 teachers, 8 grades. They were as follows: 97, 98, 98, 97, 97, 100, 100, 100. He’s the best. Good thing #2.

I have realized that even when my hair no longer has its beginning-of-the-day-freshly-showered bounciness, it still looks good. Not to worry, I still have other appropriately bouncy parts. But the hair… it’s always been straight and a bit lifeless. Somehow, it seems to have gotten a life. This probably sounds ridiculous but it’s a great feeling to look into a mirror when you thought you looked like crap only to find out that you still have great hair. A good hair day is pretty powerful. Good thing #3.

I’m wondering if any of you have any idea how fucking adorable and hilarious it is to see an incredibly cute little 9-year-old girl replicate the dude’s dancing from this Mountain Dew commercial…

Well, I’ll tell you… it’s one of the funniest things I’ve seen in weeks. She’s the best. Good thing #4.

Hm. Should I have spread these good things out into multiple posts? Too late now.

Thank you and good night.

p_heart-div

©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in family, parenting, the perk, weekly perk, writing | Tagged , , , , , | 38 Comments

#atozchallenge theme reveal day.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

First, I want to thank everyone who helped me with my theme-seeking nightmare.

Today’s the day to announce which theme I’ve chosen. And I’m displeased to say… I still haven’t been able to make a decision.

I’m down to a few themes I thought might work…

(1) music
(1) things I fucking hate (currently tied in the running with music…)
(2) emotions (this may be depressing)

(3) wish list (this may be depressing)
(4) perk (sad, but I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to make this happen)

… but none of them feel right. I guess that makes sense because nothing feels right today.

One minute I think I’ve made a decision… and the next I think it’s a terrible idea. Why can’t I just come up with something good? Make a decision? Ugh. I tend to fall back to ‘things I fucking hate‘ — aka ‘bitchfest 2017′ — because I have a LOT of material. Fuck knows I’ve got ‘m‘ covered. Sigh…

I wonder if I can do 2 posts a day… one for bitchfest and another for music (since so many of you suggested it). No shortage of material there either…

Did I just jump from no theme to two themes? Maybe I did… Ooh, I’ll bet you’re just breathless with anticipation for April 1st…

I don’t know why we had to lose
The ones who took so little space
They’re still waiting for the years
To cover what we can’t erase
I’m not holding out for you
I’m still watching for the signs
If I tried you’d probably be
Hard to find

I reserve the right to reuse this song for ‘Song of the Day’ at any time.
I am not the owner of any rights to this song, video, or lyrics… just everything else… 
arrow.
©2017 what sandra thinks 
Posted in challenge, writing | Tagged , , , | 21 Comments

the hero. (moodle.)

bottle twigswave

This week’s theme for Haylee’s Moodle Army was ‘become the hero of our own story‘.

But… I’m no hero. I’m like Tina.

no hero

My son told me I had to be Captain Donut… because of Homer.

homer's donut wisdom

While I do believe the answer to Homer’s question is no, I didn’t think donuts were the answer. They can’t be the answer… because coffee is the answer.

the hero

swirl.

I encourage you to join the doodling fun.
©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in art, drawing, writing | Tagged , , , , , | 33 Comments

on loneliness.

This was adapted from a conversation between two characters from my ‘secret book’… I think they’re my favorite characters I’ve ever created…

loneliness

loneliness sucks.
and time
makes it worse…
not better.
you can’t fix it by yourself.
you feel powerless.
it just…
sucks.

and you don’t
have to be
alone
to feel it.

©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , , | 21 Comments

sigh.

when I slip
into our bed
beside you
your eyes never open
your body never moves
yet you tell me
you know
I am there
when your breath…
for one perfect moment
…becomes a sigh

©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

song of the day. #25

song of the day | what sandra thinks
Coldplay again. I love Chris Martin’s voice. I don’t know what it is… there are just some men I could listen to forever… and Chris is one of them.

This song… I try to believe his every word. It hurts that I can’t quite get there. Oh hell, it hurts that I even have to try. I should just be there already. A demon for every day. The moment I realize I’ve had a day without one, it appears. Like magic. Crappy magic. It’s like I have to wait for those demons to give me permission to have a day without them. But as I wait, they are ever-present. They have to be… to grant permission. But damn, do they like to hold it back.

Well. That was deep.

This is actually a very hopeful song…                                                                          

swirly
When I counted up my demons

Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away

So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything’s not lost

When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody’s out to get you
Don’t you let it drag you down

‘Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything’s not lost

song of the day
If you let this keep playing when it goes silent around 5:30, there’s a short ‘hidden’ track… also beautiful.

song of the day

Obviously I am not the owner of any rights to this song, video, or lyrics… just everything else… which isn’t much… © 2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in music, writing | Tagged , , , , | 26 Comments

some days.

rain

some days
the sun hides behind clouds
the clouds hide behind grey
the sky falls a little darker

the air is too thin
or too thick
it never matters which

the rain lingers above
or crashes down
it never matters which

either way I cry
a drizzle of tears
or a deluge
it never matters which

and I search
for love
or peace
or happiness

it never matters which
because I cannot find
love
or peace
or happiness

some days
I live among the clouds
I hide behind the grey
I fall a little darker

and I wonder
if it is time to stop
chasing the light
that I will never reach

swash.

©2017 what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , , | 27 Comments

power failure.

031417 storm

Well, fuck.

We lost power for 4.5 hours today. I know it’s not that bad… it could have been much longer. One year when storms were especially bad (and frequent), my mom was without power for 8 days.

But 4.5 hours without power… everyone home… husband had no work… kids had no school… and I had no break. It felt like a lot longer than 4.5 hours.

I don’t know why I’m sharing this…. I think I’m officially sick of winter.

Now to [try to] catch up… 57 emails… *sob*

 

Posted in family, writing | Tagged , , , , | 23 Comments