March 16
If you could sit down with your 15-year old self, what would you tell him or her?
Oh, I got this one.
Dear 15-year-old Sandra,
I know some of these words may be harsh, but, trust me, you need them.
You are so much more than you think. Give yourself some credit. And give yourself some peace. Do whatever it takes to relax and find some peace. Figure that out now because it’ll be a million times harder when you’re older.
Got it? Good.
Now…
Stop fucking up!
Stop making decisions based solely on emotions. Some emotion is fine. Good, even. But only emotion is bad. Be a little less impulsive. Think things through before you speak… before you act. You’re smart… so smart. Use that.
Turn your focus away from boys and popularity. If anyone doesn’t like you for you, forget them. Do you want them to like you for being someone else? I’ll tell you the answer—No, you don’t. You know why? First, because that means they don’t like you. And second, you’ll spend so much time trying to be something you’re not that you’ll lose yourself. I know what you’re thinking right now and you’re wrong… you do not want to lose yourself. You have friends. People love you. And you didn’t have to do anything to win them over but be yourself.
I know you feel like you’re the only girl without a boy, but you’re not. And boys aren’t everything. I know right now it seems like they are but they’re not. In fact, forget about boys—at least for now. Work on yourself. Figure out what is truly important to you [not a boy!] and go for it… work for it. Don’t work toward what you think others want you to do or be. Follow your heart, but use your head.
You don’t need anyone. You are strong. You are brave. Once you accept that and accept yourself, boys will come. Maybe not right now and maybe not even for a few years, but you’ll still be better for it. And if they don’t, fuck ‘em. Or find some to fuck and maybe you’ll eventually find love. [I’m joking. Fifteen is too young. Give it some time.] Be patient.
Maybe just wait for a man. And do not, under any circumstances, accept anything less than true love. And great abs. Don’t settle. Don’t let anyone convince you that fairy tales aren’t real. Or that you are not worthy. I’m not talking about Cinderella here, but you deserve the best. You deserve to find ‘the one‘ so don’t give up. Honestly, you’ll be happier searching forever than you will be with the wrong man.
But… Don’t build your life around someone else. Build it for you. If you want to make someone proud, make yourself proud. If you do that, everyone around you will be proud of you, too.
It’s okay not to have it all figured out right now. Give yourself a break. Don’t pressure yourself so much. You don’t need to measure up to your sister. You don’t need to measure up to anyone. Stop comparing. You are your own person. Be yourself. Because you’re pretty amazing.
I know it’s hard. Really hard. But I promise you it will be worth it. I want so badly for you to avoid making the mistakes I made along the way. Oh, you’ll still make some—everyone does. You need them to learn. But I hope you take to heart what I’ve said. If you do, I know you’ll be in a better place when you’re my age.
You are the most important person in your life. Be kind to yourself. You owe it to yourself—and to everyone else in your life—to be true to yourself. If they love you for being someone else, that’s not love. It’s not selfish to put yourself first sometimes. In fact, it’s essential.
love,
Older, questionably wiser Sandra
p.s. — Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. From anyone, for any reason. I bet you have someone in mind right now who you know you could reach out to for help… someone who wouldn’t be afraid to tell you when you’re doing something stupid. Don’t get mad at her for it. Listen to her. Sometimes we’re blind. Let someone help you see.
p.p.s. — Definitely go to every one of those concerts you want to go to. You’ll have the time of your life.
p.p.p.s. — Never underestimate the benefits of doing something for someone else. Be kind always.
p.p.p.p.s. — Embrace your love for writing. Don’t hide it—it’s better than you think.
p.p.p.p.p.s. — You’re beautiful and intelligent and you have a fabulous sense of humor.
p.p.p.p.p.p.s. — If you want to sing, do it.
p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s. — Get the Jeep.
[Thanks to my lovely friend Marquessa for this 31 questions challenge.]
©2021 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
This was honestly amazing! I enjoy your posts a lot!
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Thank you — that is such a lovely thing to say. Obviously, I struggle with my past choices (and some of my current ones), so I’m glad that you found something to enjoy about my post.
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Wow! This is pretty damned amazing. Great work. It’s never too late to listen your own advice and even to act on it. You may have found that elusive first step. This deserves a big, long distance, hug.
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It’s a bit ridiculous, in a way. I can give all this advice to myself at 15, but I can’t actually follow any of it now. The problem is that I needed to do all of this stuff back then. And I can’t go back. Working on these things now feels pointless. I don’t admit my age here, but I’m obviously way past 15. I don’t even know what ‘fixing things’ would look like at this point. I don’t know where I want to be, not really, so how can I get there? If I’d started working on this at 15, things would be different now.
But thank you for thinking this is amazing. I’m not sure how to use any of my own advice now, but I like that you like this.
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We all know that this sort of exercise would never work anyway. We would never listen to any advice at that age, we all thought we knew best. Adulting is hard work and there are no courses to help you. We all have to muddle through as best we can. I still have high hope for you!
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I really wish I had hope for me. Lately I’ve been trying to figure out how to give up without hurting anyone. Haven’t figured it out yet.
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That is an impossible conundrum!
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Id tell myself to stop being such a goddamn arsehole and get on with it! 😀 😀
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Wonder if that would help?? 🙂
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3 words. This post was amazing! Wait, that’s 4 words. 🙂
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I’m not sure I fully understand why everyone seems to think this post is so amazing. Is it my ability to give my 15 year old self advice that I can’t even take? This post actually makes me feel very weak. How am I able to dish out all these “words of wisdom” to my younger self but I can’t do anything to improve my life now? I guess I know the answer… This it’s the advice I needed back then… the things I needed to know and do back then. These words are useless to me now. Far too late…
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It’s amazing because it is authentic and real. You may not be in a position to act on the advice yourself but half the battle is the self-awareness.
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Yeah… I’m quite aware of what a mess I am. Unfortunately that hasn’t really helped me…
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That was the sweetest, most non-dark post of yours I’ve ever read😯 I’m more shocked than an electric chair!
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I’m not sure how to take that! I’ve always been better at giving advice than taking it.
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As long as you don’t take it in a bad way
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Beautiful. I wish we could send this back in time!
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That would be the best thing ever. Assuming my 15-year-old self would actually take this advice!
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