March 15
If you could choose your own life obstacles, would you keep the ones you have?
Are you fucking serious? Hell no!
“But everything you’ve been through has made you the person you are today!“
Exactly! Totally agree. And that is why I want it all to change. My obstacles, my experiences, my life so far, and the person I am today. Junk it all.
Rewind.
Start over.
At the very least, I should be entitled to a full refund.
Not as as expected. Would give zero stars if I could. Would not buy again.
Okay, maybe the one star is for the first ten or so years of my life. Those were good times. Soon after that, it all went to hell.
If I could choose my obstacles—if I had to choose any at all—I’d choose ones that I actually had some hope of overcoming.
I have no hope currently.
How about maybe obstacles like a few LEGO bricks on the floor? Maybe a flat tire? I don’t know… small boobs so I have to save up for a boob job? Can I choose those? Because they beat debilitating anxiety and depression, constant back pain, poor decision-making ability, and an unhealthy obsession with cheesecake, chocolate, and oatmeal cookie dough.
p.s. — I wish this was really a thing… changing my obstacles. I want a different life. I definitely chose the wrong path. And then another wrong path. And… you get the idea. I can’t think of any major life choices that I’m happy with. Barely any minor ones, either.
[Thanks to my lovely friend Marquessa for this 31 questions challenge.]
©2021 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
I am probably like 50/50 on this one. Some obstacles I needed and appreciated in my life but others I could totally do without haha
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If I have any that I’d keep, I don’t know what they are. I want a fresh start.
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The cliche of “A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step” may be much overused but it is definitely valid. Take that first step. Only you can do it.
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But I don’t know what that first step is. And if I’m honest, even if I knew, I don’t know how I’d get myself to take it.
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I don’t think anyone knows what that first step is. It’s a matter of luck or chance, devil may care, determination to change, or even drifting along.
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I was just talking with my nurse practitioner today about my inability to ‘make a move’. I can’t seem to *do* anything. I don’t know where to start. She gives me a small task sometimes. This week, it’s to call my mother who I don’t talk to ask often on the phone since we started with our family group text. The problem is that even if I accomplish the small task she gives me, it’s not enough. I feel like I’ve failed if that’s the only thing I’ve accomplished.
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I think she’s right to get you to aim for small results. You have to convince yourself that small is beautiful in all aspects of life.
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Well, not *all*.
I think I might need to make a list of small things and try to cross one off each week. Maybe eventually one each day… I don’t know. But I’m not even sure what those things should be. One of my [many] problems is that the small things seem so… small… so I feel like they don’t mean anything… they don’t make me feel like I’ve accomplished anything. I’m not at all proud of or impressed with myself afterwards.
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I’m sorry that it’s been so tough. 😦 *hugs*
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I think I’ve come to accept, at least partially, that I’m never really going to feel happiness again. Not that any inkling of acceptance makes it any easier. Thank you for the hugs. ♥
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I have definitely felt that feeling before. I hope you can feel happiness again. ❤
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