01 january – my teenage self. #bloganuary

bloganuary | what sandra thinks

Apparently, the prompt (hate that word, too… don’t know why) for January 1 is as follows:

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

However, I had to look for the prompt because I never got the email I was supposed to get. Great start WP! Ugh.


The thing about this is that I’ve already written it. Back in March 2021, I participated in a 31 Questions challenge (one for each day of the month, obviously). One of the questions was: “If you could sit down with your 15-year old self, what would you tell him or her?” So this is pretty much the same thing.

Here is the letter I wrote to myself back in March.

Dear 15-year-old Sandra,

I know some of these words may be harsh, but, trust me, you need them.

You are so much more than you think. Give yourself some credit. And give yourself some peace. Do whatever it takes to relax and find some peace. Figure that out now because it’ll be a million times harder when you’re older.

Got it? Good.

Now…

Stop fucking up!

Stop making decisions based solely on emotions. Some emotion is fine. Good, even. But only emotion is bad. Be a little less impulsive. Think things through before you speak… before you act. You’re smart… so smart. Use that. 

Turn your focus away from boys and popularity. If anyone doesn’t like you for you, forget them. Do you want them to like you for being someone else? I’ll tell you the answer—No, you don’t. You know why? First, because that means they don’t like you. And second, you’ll spend so much time trying to be something you’re not that you’ll lose yourself. I know what you’re thinking right now and you’re wrong… you do not want to lose yourself. You have friends. People love you. And you didn’t have to do anything to win them over but be yourself

I know you feel like you’re the only girl without a boy, but you’re not. And boys aren’t everything. I know right now it seems like they are but they’re not. In fact, forget about boys—at least for now. Work on yourself. Figure out what is truly important to you [not a boy!] and go for it… work for it. Don’t work toward what you think others want you to do or be. Follow your heart, but use your head.

You don’t need anyone. You are strong. You are brave. Once you accept that and accept yourself, boys will come. Maybe not right now and maybe not even for a few years, but you’ll still be better for it. And if they don’t, fuck ‘em. Or find some to fuck and maybe you’ll eventually find love. [I’m joking. Fifteen is too young. Give it some time.] Be patient.

Maybe just wait for a manAnd do not, under any circumstances, accept anything less than true love. And great abs. Don’t settle. Don’t let anyone convince you that fairy tales aren’t real. Or that you are not worthy. I’m not talking about Cinderella here, but you deserve the best. You deserve to find ‘the one‘ so don’t give up. Honestly, you’ll be happier searching forever than you will be with the wrong man. 

But… Don’t build your life around someone else. Build it for you. If you want to make someone proud, make yourself proud. If you do that, everyone around you will be proud of you, too. 

It’s okay not to have it all figured out right now. Give yourself a break. Don’t pressure yourself so much. You don’t need to measure up to your sister. You don’t need to measure up to anyone. Stop comparing. You are your own person. Be yourself. Because you’re pretty amazing.

I know it’s hard. Really hard. But I promise you it will be worth it. I want so badly for you to avoid making the mistakes I made along the way. Oh, you’ll still make some—everyone does. You need them to learn. But I hope you take to heart what I’ve said. If you do, I know you’ll be in a better place when you’re my age.

You are the most important person in your life. Be kind to yourself. You owe it to yourself—and to everyone else in your life—to be true to yourself. If they love you for being someone else, that’s not love. It’s not selfish to put yourself first sometimes. In fact, it’s essential.

love,
Older, questionably wiser Sandra


p.s. — Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. From anyone, for any reason. I bet you have someone in mind right now who you know you could reach out to for help… someone who wouldn’t be afraid to tell you when you’re doing something stupid. Don’t get mad at her for it. Listen to her. Sometimes we’re blind. Let someone help you see.

p.p.s. — Definitely go to every one of those concerts you want to go to. You’ll have the time of your life. 

p.p.p.s. — Never underestimate the benefits of doing something for someone else. Be kind always.

p.p.p.p.s. — Embrace your love for writing. Don’t hide it—it’s better than you think.

p.p.p.p.p.s. — You’re beautiful and intelligent and you have a fabulous sense of humor.

p.p.p.p.p.p.s. — If you want to sing, do it.

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s. — Get the Jeep.


I just read that three times. I think it’s perfect, even nearly ten months later. In fact, I really like it—what is says and how it’s written. My goal is to take this letter to heart, even though I’m not a teenager anymore. Of course some things I cannot do over, but maybe some things can be changed. I just need the will and determination to do it.

Oh—maybe I’d add one thing: Keep that Christmas magic you had when you were a child. Hating Christmas is exhausting.

    
I thought about retiring these two hot-as-fuck men in the new year, but then I realized that was a terrible idea. I felt really bad about it—as if the actual men pictured here would be hurt. Maybe I should tell my teenage self not to lose touch with reality as that seems to be what has happened to me. 


p.s. — This post was kind of a cheat since I’d already written it. But I don’t feel bad about it. I’m trying not to feel bad about anything unless it’s actually warranted. That’ll be a big change since I feel bad about pretty much everything.

p.p.s. — So far, 2022 is going pretty well. I’m in a room alone in total silence. I should probably be meditating or something. (Of course, now I’ve jinxed 2022 and it’s only day one. Fuck.)

         
©2022 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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18 Responses to 01 january – my teenage self. #bloganuary

  1. M says:

    I love this post even if it is a “double” I did the same as you and repurposed my older post. Funny how we often have different experiences but the same underlying theme…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Day one and you’re reminding yourself of your strength. Keep doing that. Reread this letter every day if you have to.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. radiosarahc says:

    Love this post, I saw the prompt and thought, bloody did that a few months ago so went back to reading instead 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Note to teenage self: It’s going to get worse.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You really laid it out there for your teenage self! Good work! I think we all have a little bit of desire to go back and give an assist to ourselves. When I was twenty, I actually prayed that I wished God would let me know how something quite specific was going to be in the future. Short story, thirty years later, I had just gotten married to the woman I was dating in college.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: 21 january – time travel. #bloganuary | what sandra thinks

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