no improvement.

I didn’t say anything but I had another procedure earlier this week… a different kind of injection in my back. I have had no improvement.

I have been working on this since last November… seeing the pain management doctor since January. I’m exhausted. And I’m in pain. Some days it is so bad that I just sit there and cry for hours. That’s what’s happening right now… partly due to pain, partly due to the call back I got earlier today that the doctor is out of ideas.

I asked the medical assistant if it’s possible that the injection was in the wrong place… maybe too low… because the worst pain feels like it’s above where the injection was even though it also hurt there. It’s very difficult to pinpoint the pain because it feels so deep that you can’t really poke at it and find the exact spot. It’s deeper. And it just hurts. All the time.

So now I am seeing a physician assistant tomorrow morning. I don’t see what the point is if the doctor doesn’t know what else to try for me. Another copayment that I can’t afford… when obviously, there is no help for me.

I don’t see how I can live with this pain for the rest of my life.

I have been crying all day. I haven’t eaten anything since 7pm last night. And I have to figure out how to look like everything is fine by the time I pick up the kids from school this afternoon.

I don’t think I can do it.

 

s

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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51 Responses to no improvement.

  1. mandibelle16 says:

    I’m so sorry Sandra. That’s a terrible way to spend your days. I know your doctor has tried many things but perhaps a second opinion (or third) would be worth it. Sometimes some doctors just don’t know or are not aware of diverse treatments new or old. Second, have you tried the naturopath? I know many people who’be had back pain and acupressure or acupuncture has worked very well. You also might to be able to get something for the pain from a naturopath that’s different and helps more than whatever medication you’re on for pain. It might work well with it, or better. It’s worth a try. Hope you feel better soon!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you. I wouldn’t know another doctor to call. I guess I could ask my primary care doctor if she has any other recommendations, but she is the one who sent me to the place I’m going now. I will wait until I go to my appointment tomorrow and see what happens.
      I don’t have insurance coverage for alternative therapies like those you mentioned and I can’t afford to pay for them. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Chelly says:

    I hope a miracle comes your way and soon!!! I know the feeling of needing something so bad, but the costs associated with it affects your next move. Hang in there and dont give up hope!!!

    Like

    • Thank you. I’m just not hopeful at all anymore. When I first got referred to this office, I thought it was the answer. I thought I’d be better long before now. I know I’m not supposed to give up but I’m just so tired. It seems like it’s all been for nothing.
      But thank you again.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The V Pub says:

    As your primary care about Dr. Michael Medlock. I was in your situation, being mis-diagnosed and he fixed me. It’s worth a call.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I have some concerns because I’ve been told twice that surgery is not indicated in my case. I really don’t know. Once I see how the appointment goes tomorrow, I will most likely contact my primary to see what she recommends next… but no harm in asking her about this doctor.

      Liked by 1 person

      • The V Pub says:

        They made me go through 3 cortisone shots, 10 weeks of PT before they’d act. This was after YEARS of different types of exercises that they made me do. So, they often make mistakes, and I finally got to the person who could stop the pain.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I have had 7 weeks of PT, 1 branch block to see if it was the nerves, 2 ESIs, and trigger point injections. I’ve had this pain for years but always assumed I had to live with it so I never did much for it until last fall. Surgery scares me to death and the first doc I saw said, “Surgery is not indicated so if anyone tells you you need it, run…” So while I know mistakes can be made, I’m extra-scared of surgery. 🙁

          Like

          • The V Pub says:

            I read the same things before I went to have surgery. Lots of people advised against it, at least in the stuff I was reading. But, I got to the point where the status quo was unacceptable. I’m the biggest wuss when it comes to doctors and needles, but I was desperate. In retrospect, I wish I had done it years before.

            Liked by 1 person

            • I just don’t know if I could do it. I’m afraid something will go wrong and someone will paralyze me. I am sure that sounds overly dramatic, but it is my fear. I need to be here for my children. I feel that I’m already ‘less here’ because of the pain, but if the situation gets worse… well, I just don’t know.

              Like

  4. Meg says:

    Oh, Sandra… I’m so sorry about all of this. I do hope you can find some answers with a second opinion. I just can’t believe there isn’t something out there that would help. Sending all my love. ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. ♥
      Most of the time, I don’t feel like it’s even worth bothering anymore. The way my luck is… the way my life is… there’s pretty much no chance things are going to improve. But at the same time, I am not able to do everything I want to do with the kids… or just in general. I feel like a crappy mother because of it and it’s killing me. But I am way too scared to have surgery after being told that if anyone suggests it, I should run. It feels like there are no options left for me. But I can’t just check out because I have kids. I guess it’s a good thing I have them because I’m not sure I’d still be here if they didn’t exist.

      Like

  5. Ogden Fahey says:

    Theres got to be a solution out there, hope you can find it Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Sandra I hope in some place you find a cure to your health problem. Sorry to know that you are suffering so much. The only thing I can say is to have courage and stay strong. We will be were for your support and I trully belive that in some place you’ll find a solution! (Sorry for my bad english)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. mydangblog says:

    I had a bulging disc once that made it feel like I’d broken several ribs. It was horrifying. I absolutely sympathize with you and hope you find some relief soon.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. jrvincente says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that. 😦 Maybe the P.A. will have an idea the Doctor didn’t. Fingers crossed!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks. I’m not holding my breath. I really think this is it. They might try to throw some sort of medication at me but I’m not going to take anything with addiction potential… and I’ve tried other things but they don’t help. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Mel Gutiér says:

    Oh My goodness. I’m so sorry about this. I wish I had something to help find a solution for you. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. 😘💕

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Hunida says:

    I wish I could help.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. waywardsparkles says:

    Physical pain makes everything in life worse. It hurts, obviously. But it also ages you. It demoralizes you. It depresses you. It can cause you to lose focus on other important things because it causes you to give it so much attention. It impacts your judgment. It exacerbates anxiety and depression. No wonder you’ve been feeling down!
    I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir, and I’m not trying to make you feel worse — I’m just so sad you’re suffering. I wish I could wave a magic wand and take it all away! However, there are no magic wands for this, which means you have a lot of work to do to advocate for your health. You are an important, creative soul and a smart woman.
    While I don’t have answers for your pain, I do hope you research the hell out of your condition so that you can find a treatment that works for you. I’d start with the internet and go from there, if you already haven’t. And I get it. It sounds like you have limited funds and limited resources, (me too!), but you are too important not to find the answers to resolve the pain that is not only impacting you but I’m sure your family as well. Kids know and sense that something’s wrong on a deep level even when we try and hide stuff like this from them. You deserve giving this your all so that you can find a way to come up with the right professionals who can help you restore your health!
    I concur with others who say that just because one doctor doesn’t know what else to do for you, that doesn’t mean there aren’t others out there who probably have more knowledge and expertise. And compassion! As with everything else in life, not all doctors are created equal! Boy, do I know that! Not only that, not all doctors share the same commitment to their patients! I hope you find a really compassionate and knowledgeable doctor who won’t give up on you! You might find this person in the PA you’re seeing tomorrow. Regardless, ask questions and don’t take no for an answer! (Okay, I didn’t mean to tell you what to do. That’s not helpful. I apologize.) Lastly, I hope that you don’t give up on you either! You have a lot of people who are cheering you on. I hope you lean on us (your adoring public) because that’s what we’re here for — moral support!
    Wishing you nothing but the very best and that you start to feel better soon!
    Mona
    Sorry this post is so long!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, it definitely affects every part of my life. I am too tired to think about having to start over with a new doctor at a whole new office. That overwhelms me to tears. I don’t think I can do it. It’s just too much. Everyone at the office I’ve been visiting has been very attentive. I don’t feel like they aren’t treating me properly. I think there just is no answer. And it doesn’t matter if this is important or not… money is a problem. A big one. I honestly don’t know what’s worse — the pain or having to work so hard to get help. I am not good at taking charge of things. Not at all. And I just don’t have hope anymore.

      But thank you for caring and taking the time to write this.

      Like

  12. waywardsparkles says:

    Also, sending lots of hugs your way!
    Mona

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Tony Burgess says:

    Be well soon. I hope you fin a remedy that will make you feel better.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I’m so sorry that the treatments aren’t working!! I really hope someone has a solution for you soon! 💛

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Oh, honey, I wish there was something I could say that would be helpful. Sending hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. This sucks. Something has to be causing this level of pain. Seems like it would be caused by more than just scoliosis. I’m so sorry. I feel like I maybe have false hope or something by being so sure this would give you relief. I was convinced it would help. 😔

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know, despite how negative I always seem, I was, too. I thought at least one of these things would help. The PA I saw today said they wouldn’t give up. So she still thinks there’s more to try… Different variations of things they’ve done. When I left there today, she was going to talk to the doc with her recommendation… hopefully he agrees. But this has all really crushed my hope.

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s what I feared. That this would seem like last resort kinda thing, and it just cause hopelessness. Please try not to let it. Easier said than done, yes. But if they think they can help you, let them. Do not give up just yet.

        Liked by 1 person

  17. She told me they wouldn’t just give up. But at one point she said something about helping me at least get better even if they can’t make the pain disappear completely. That made me less hopeful but it’s better than nothing, I guess. I never really expected to be pain free anyway.

    And I don’t know that I’m going to hear anything more today… it’s getting late. I’m not going to call. I’m going to wait.

    Like

  18. Hello. I came across this and i know how you feel.On december 20th of 2013, I was struck by a car while walking across the street to catch a bus to work. I didn’t break a bone, just a lot of contusions and concussion and sprained ankle. I tried going back to work,but the pain was severe, i had gone to many different Dr’s trying to find exactly where the pain was stemming from, they would just schedule me injections (never worked) in my back, you name the medication and regions in my back and I had them, my hair fell out. I stopped going to these Dr’s, no one could help, It was in 2016, when I was told I had Fibromyalgia. I now suffer weight gain, Lost my job as CNA (I was with that company for 13 years, I loved my residents). Now I suffer depression (under control). I write to deal and because there are days of flare ups. I wish I can take everyones pain away when they hurt. Would love to chat with you further.

    Like

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