I know exactly what my dear friend Cyranny was trying to do when she tagged me for this challenge. It was very kind of her and I’m incredibly grateful for her friendship. But… wow… this sure as hell is a challenge for me. As I type these words… I still have no idea what I’m going to list.
The thing is… I don’t really like myself. Oh yes, I know that’s pathetic. But it’s also true. I like some things about myself but (a) it’s hard for me come up with a list and (b) if I do, each thing is immediately followed by a ‘but…‘ I guess I should try to leave the ‘but‘ parts off this list, huh? [Haha… but(t) parts…] But (see? dammit.) I probably won’t be able to… unless I edit… which I don’t think I should do. Let’s see what happens.
Here is what I’m supposed to do:
- Thank the nominator. (check)
- Display the picture on your post. (check)
- List 5 things you like about yourself (pending)
- 1 thing must be a physical attribute. (okay)
- Tag 3 or more people. (no)
[As usual when I am tagged for these sorts of things, I am not going to tag anyone else. Because I feel uncomfortable making anyone feel obligated to do anything.]
Okay… I guess I should get to it.
1. I have a great sense of humor. It may be dark and self-deprecating, but I know that my sense of humor is often the only thing that gets me through the day. Or the hour. Or the moment. And I make people laugh… even if it’s at my own expense. (Is that a ‘but’? Maybe it is…)
2. I am naturally talented and intelligent. I guess I have a gift. I just kind of know stuff… and can do stuff… and figure stuff out. Writing, graphic design, techie stuff, cooking/baking, kids’ homework (haha). Of course, this is also a curse because I overthink and overanalyze everything. And I wonder… if I’m so smart, why is my life such a mess? (That’s a ‘but’, isn’t it?)
3. I am incredibly romantic. I don’t mean in a sickening jewelry-store-commercial way. (At least, I don’t think so.) I mean in a good way. I wish I had more romance in my life. Or any at all. For me, romance only exists in my imagination… and my fiction… not my life. (Crap! I just can’t do this…!)
4. I would do anything for my kids. I may be a bit of a pushover… I have a very hard time saying no unless I really must. But their happiness is the most important thing to me. And when something goes wrong for them, I desperately want to fix it… so it upsets me when I can’t. (Dammit! It just comes out of me.)
5. Physical attribute? I don’t know! I like my hair? I’ve mentioned my hair before. I feel like that’s the only thing I ever say when I’m asked something like this. But I’m not a troll with nice hair! I like other stuff. Eyes. And my boobs. I like my boobs. But I sure wish I could be 25 again. (I just can’t keep it but-free. I have issues.)
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This post was really hard for me. Even harder than I thought it would be. I felt uncomfortable… and I started to feel like I was writing fiction. And it took a really really long time. That’s sad, isn’t it? I’ve tried to list good things about myself before, and I come up with the same few things every time… smart, talented, funny. The end. The same… every time. Now, if you ask me to make a list of things I don’t like about myself, well, that would be way too easy…
Sorry I kind of took this post in the wrong direction. I question whether I should even post it. I swear… I tried. For days I kept coming back to this… I tried. Maybe I’m a lost cause.
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