dear diary | t – toxic #atozchallenge

Dear Diary,

After I left the party last night, I locked myself in my room and scribbled every word I wrote so quickly… so anxiously and aggressively… that I think I actually hurt my hand. I was upset. Beyond upset. Fucking Hannah. I couldn’t get the image of her falling onto Ethan out of my head. And the Dylan thing… God, if Ethan saw that, did it push him even closer to Hannah? What if he thinks there’s something between Dylan and me? What if he got sucked in by Hannah and did God knows what with her? It was enough to make me sick.

Or maybe that was the tequila. I kind of wished I’d had more so I could pass out despite the party noise. But I didn’t need it… because there was a knock on my door. I had a moment of panic. I still don’t know why. Who was I expecting? Hannah? Ethan??

It was Jules. She saw Hannah with Ethan, too… then she watched me leave. She was worried about me… so she came to find me. I told her I was fine which was ridiculous because she knew I wasn’t. We talked for a little while before another knock at my door interrupted. I had another moment of panic but Jules already knew who it was.

Randy walked in and invited us to his room to smoke some ‘pain killer’. I swear… he has more nicknames for pot than anyone I know. Anyway… we went with him. Way better than tequila.

Once I was sufficiently altered, I finally had the courage to ask Randy if he saw Ethan downstairs. And he did. ‘Yeah… I saw him with the toxic bitch.’ His name for Hannah, of course. I begged him not to tell me Ethan left with her. But I didn’t have to beg. Randy saw Hannah leave with a couple of guys… neither one was Ethan.

Thank God.

And thank God for Randy and Jules. They made me laugh. And they distracted me. Especially Randy who tried to get me to like his favorite rap song. That wasn’t gonna happen… but he was pretty funny trying.

Eventually, he gave up… and told me I was hopeless. I agreed, but not for the reasons he thought.

Then I leaned back on Randy’s beanbag chair and fell asleep.

what sandra thinks

• • •
‘Dear Diary’ is fiction based on actual events.
Any similarities to your college life is purely coincidental.
Any similarities to mine is entirely intentional.

©2018 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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19 Responses to dear diary | t – toxic #atozchallenge

  1. Whatever this was; it sounds heartbreaking. Stay strong, troublemaker.


  2. Sleep is a great healer. I’ve posted a magic time travelling zapper to you. Just say the name, press the button, and the toxic bitch disappears forever!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Meg says:

    Ok so things are still possible with Ethan! I’m relieved! 😅

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You capture that college time so well! Some days I’d give a lot to go back to that angst and drama filled time where I only had to worry about me!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Iain Kelly says:

    Okay, it’s not all over yet. Come on, I hope this has a happy ending in a few days!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think Ethan might be the only man that I don’t hate right now (currently still stuck on all men being dumb), can’t wait to see where it goes! 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  7. jrvincente says:

    Well thank goodness he didn’t leave with the toxic bitch!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Marquessa says:

    Such great friends!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: dear diary | a-to-z links #atozchallenge | what sandra thinks

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