Dear Diary,
After I left the party last night, I locked myself in my room and scribbled every word I wrote so quickly… so anxiously and aggressively… that I think I actually hurt my hand. I was upset. Beyond upset. Fucking Hannah. I couldn’t get the image of her falling onto Ethan out of my head. And the Dylan thing… God, if Ethan saw that, did it push him even closer to Hannah? What if he thinks there’s something between Dylan and me? What if he got sucked in by Hannah and did God knows what with her? It was enough to make me sick.
Or maybe that was the tequila. I kind of wished I’d had more so I could pass out despite the party noise. But I didn’t need it… because there was a knock on my door. I had a moment of panic. I still don’t know why. Who was I expecting? Hannah? Ethan??
It was Jules. She saw Hannah with Ethan, too… then she watched me leave. She was worried about me… so she came to find me. I told her I was fine which was ridiculous because she knew I wasn’t. We talked for a little while before another knock at my door interrupted. I had another moment of panic but Jules already knew who it was.
Randy walked in and invited us to his room to smoke some ‘pain killer’. I swear… he has more nicknames for pot than anyone I know. Anyway… we went with him. Way better than tequila.
Once I was sufficiently altered, I finally had the courage to ask Randy if he saw Ethan downstairs. And he did. ‘Yeah… I saw him with the toxic bitch.’ His name for Hannah, of course. I begged him not to tell me Ethan left with her. But I didn’t have to beg. Randy saw Hannah leave with a couple of guys… neither one was Ethan.
Thank God.
And thank God for Randy and Jules. They made me laugh. And they distracted me. Especially Randy who tried to get me to like his favorite rap song. That wasn’t gonna happen… but he was pretty funny trying.
Eventually, he gave up… and told me I was hopeless. I agreed, but not for the reasons he thought.
Then I leaned back on Randy’s beanbag chair and fell asleep.
• • •
‘Dear Diary’ is fiction based on actual events.
Any similarities to your college life is purely coincidental.
Any similarities to mine is entirely intentional.
©2018 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
Whatever this was; it sounds heartbreaking. Stay strong, troublemaker.
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Sleep is a great healer. I’ve posted a magic time travelling zapper to you. Just say the name, press the button, and the toxic bitch disappears forever!
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I could use that tool…
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Ok so things are still possible with Ethan! I’m relieved! 😅
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Oh, I’m very predictable…! I’m also a little worried… I only have 2 and a half more days written!
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X, Y and Z are sort of tough to assign titles to… I have full confidence in you though! 👍
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That makes one of us! 😐 I’m just kidding, kind of. I know what my words will be for X and Y… but Z? Z sucks. Of course I still have to write all three… and finish W…
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You capture that college time so well! Some days I’d give a lot to go back to that angst and drama filled time where I only had to worry about me!!
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It was one of the times in my life I enjoyed most. But I would still like to do it over again!
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Okay, it’s not all over yet. Come on, I hope this has a happy ending in a few days!
https://iainkellywriting.com/2018/04/23/t-is-for-talinn-estonia/
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Me, too! I haven’t finished writing it yet…
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I think Ethan might be the only man that I don’t hate right now (currently still stuck on all men being dumb), can’t wait to see where it goes! 💜
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Well, men can definitely be idiots. (No offense, men. To be fair, women can be, too…)
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Well thank goodness he didn’t leave with the toxic bitch!
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Yes! It seems Randy had her pegged before the rest of us.
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Such great friends!
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Something we all need… and wish for…
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I know…
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