After I left the party last night, I locked myself in my room and scribbled every word I wrote so quickly… so anxiously and aggressively… that I think I actually hurt my hand. I was upset. Beyond upset. Fucking Hannah. I couldn’t get the image of her falling onto Ethan out of my head. And the Dylan thing… God, if Ethan saw that, did it push him even closer to Hannah? What if he thinks there’s something between Dylan and me? What if he got sucked in by Hannah and did God knows what with her? It was enough to make me sick.
Or maybe that was the tequila. I kind of wished I’d had more so I could pass out despite the party noise. But I didn’t need it… because there was a knock on my door. I had a moment of panic. I still don’t know why. Who was I expecting? Hannah? Ethan??
It was Jules. She saw Hannah with Ethan, too… then she watched me leave. She was worried about me… so she came to find me. I told her I was fine which was ridiculous because she knew I wasn’t. We talked for a little while before another knock at my door interrupted. I had another moment of panic but Jules already knew who it was.
Randy walked in and invited us to his room to smoke some ‘pain killer’. I swear… he has more nicknames for pot than anyone I know. Anyway… we went with him. Way better than tequila.
Once I was sufficiently altered, I finally had the courage to ask Randy if he saw Ethan downstairs. And he did. ‘Yeah… I saw him with the toxic bitch.’ His name for Hannah, of course. I begged him not to tell me Ethan left with her. But I didn’t have to beg. Randy saw Hannah leave with a couple of guys… neither one was Ethan.
And thank God for Randy and Jules. They made me laugh. And they distracted me. Especially Randy who tried to get me to like his favorite rap song. That wasn’t gonna happen… but he was pretty funny trying.
Eventually, he gave up… and told me I was hopeless. I agreed, but not for the reasons he thought.
Then I leaned back on Randy’s beanbag chair and fell asleep.
• • •
‘Dear Diary’ is fiction based on actual events.
Any similarities to your college life is purely coincidental.
Any similarities to mine is entirely intentional.
©2018 what sandra thinks