girls are mean.


Oh… not just girls. But tonight… I’m going with girls.

My daughter is 9… she’s in 4th grade. She’s had the same best friend since 1st grade. Earlier this evening, my daughter got a text message from this friend (A) saying that they weren’t friends anymore. And A was really cruel about it… telling my kid that she’s mean and A wonders if she’ll ever learn to be nice… even saying that she hates my daughter now… and more terrible things. But never explaining why.

My poor girl has no idea what brought this on. The only thing she can think of is that she was hanging out with another girl at school today… and she wonders if that’s why A is mad. Like my daughter isn’t allowed to have any other friends…???

I don’t understand this kid. She and my daughter have been chatting online for a couple of hours a day over the last couple of weeks! (And I’ve been letting that go on which is bad… I should really limit that. But that’s beside the point…) Now… suddenly, their friendship is over.

There were a lot of tears. My daughter didn’t want any dinner. She kept trying to figure out what went wrong.

Of course, there’s nothing I can do to fix it. But it kills me to see my daughter so sad. And then I wonder… I always feel like I’m cursed. Did my kids inherit that? Did I make them cursed, too?

And the way I feel… it makes me wonder why I ever thought I could be a mom. I’ve felt sick all night. Devastated, really. So sad and helpless… barely able to keep from crying… the same way I was/am with my son’s stuff. I am a mess… so down… and falling apart.

This is not how a mom should be. I need to be able to handle this stuff… it’s only going to get worse. And I’m seriously wondering how I’m going to make it… how I’m going to keep it together for my kids. I’m not sure I can.

©2017 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy, too. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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43 Responses to girls are mean.

  1. You are not cursed, dear woman and neither is yours beautiful daughter😘😘 the world is inundated with unfair, mean people…and throughout your daughter’s life…she will meet countless people of such magnitude!! Those people will make her stronger, resilient and show her all the reasons why she will never be like them☺
    Have faith and carry on😚

    Liked by 3 people

  2. It gets to me just the same…I lose my mind thinking and thinking about it until I cry myself to sleep. This is because as writers and poets, we are blessed with extra sensitivity…hence we are so aware of other people’s emotions…it’s a blessing and a curse. But over time, I have realised that people will never change…you may curse, cry and hurt yourself the whole way…but they would never get affected by it…so you will have to train yourself not to hurt yourself over the wrong that others do to you😊😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is parenthood. This is probably the first in a long list of things that will happen to your daughter with little to no notice. I’ve been through it myself. I was told I was befriended out of pity, I was bullied, threatened for existing, and constantly fat shamed. I even made friends that ended up being someone completely different than I thought. One girl was an only child, and spoiled beyond belief, and her perfect life got the better of me. Eventually, after spending way too much time together, we just went our own ways. Another, that I became friends with in high school, was a really nice friend, but she kept sleeping around and bring extremely self destructive. She found a guy for me and I was nearly raped. So when her toxicity started to bring problems to me, I had to step back. These things happen. Girls can be mean, and more than likely this girl didn’t like the concept of your daughter having another friend. Your daughter will find better friends.

    Liked by 2 people

    • This is exactly why I question my ability to be a mom. I feel awful and don’t know how to get through this… and it’s not even my situation! It’s my daughter’s. I shouldn’t feel this bad! I can’t imagine how I’m going to handle all of the other things (probably worse) that are going to happen to my kids as they grow up…

      Liked by 1 person

      • If you didn’t feel bad about this for her and minimized it or told her to just get over it, then I’d worry about your ability to be a good parent.

        Liked by 2 people

        • I know it’s normal for me to feel bad about it but the degree to which I feel bad… feeling totally down… not wanting to get out of bed… wishing (and trying to pretend) it never happened. It’s extreme… and it’s not even my issue (not directly, anyway). It’s how I felt when my son had the bully issue… and when anything goes wrong for either of them. It’s an extreme reaction that I don’t seem to be able to control. I don’t even know if I’m explaining it well enough, but it feels so awful that I don’t know how I’ll make it through the next issue… you know?

          Liked by 1 person

          • You’ve got to find a way to ease the pressure you put on yourself. You’re draining yourself. Of course you’ll make it through the next issue. And the next, and the next, etc. Your kids are gonna be fine. It’s you I worry about.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Me, too… that’s what bothers me. I should be able to handle these things better. I shouldn’t feel like the world is ending every time something goes wrong with the kids (or with anything else). I can’t tell you how many times a day I think I never should have had kids because I just don’t have the mental capacity for it…

              Liked by 1 person

              • No, don’t say that. You can’t say stuff like that….to yourself or out loud. Those kids are a blessing, whether things are going great or they’re having issues with something. It’s life. They’re gonna have things go wrong, things you can’t fix. It is what it is. The sky is not falling. You saw how easily your sons thing got worked out, right? Hers will too. And if the friend is gonna be a turd, she’s not much of a friend anyway. Help your daughter see that this is not the end of the world. It’ll be ok. 😊

                Liked by 1 person

                • Well… I don’t know that my son’s thing is totally worked out. The one kid isn’t being a butt anymore… but he still feels like he has no ‘real’ friends. What gets me, though, is that my kids (both of them) seem to handle all of this stuff better than I do. That’s just ridiculous! And wrong! Oh… and it’s hard for me to make my kid think it’s not the end of the world when I feel like it is… That’s what my brain makes me feel…

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • That’s what I meant. If you don’t want them to feel like it’s the end of the world, don’t act as if it is, in front of them at least. Be cool with them, listen, console, and tell them it’s gonna be ok. Even if you’re dying inside. After they’re consoled, talk it out with your husband or with us here, wherever. But never let them see you sweat. It’s what they then learn themselves, ya’ know?

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • Oh, I don’t act that way in front of them at all. That’s not what I meant. I meant me… separate from the kids… feeling sick over it and feeling like I can’t get through it… therefore like I was crazy to have kids in the first place if I’m not equipped to deal with this stuff. But no… I do my absolute best to never let them see me fall apart.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Gotcha. That’s good that they aren’t party to it. Now, as far as you, I don’t know how to tell you to deal with that. I have those moments myself. I guess we all do, and most of us parents can certainly empathize.

                      Liked by 1 person

      • This is what being a mother is all about. We care, we worry. I’m not quite there yet, my son is in first grade, so I’m sure when the time comes, I’ll feel just as bad as you do right now. But at least at the moment, I have some perspective. Ask any mother, the worrying never goes away.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I remember calling and texting my mother after my son was born. What if I fall asleep and I don’t hear him wake up in the night? What if I can’t keep breast feeding (he had HEARD and needed soy formula)? What if…? She told me, you’ll hear him, no matter if he right next to you in his cradle, or in his room with a monitor. You could sleep through a hurricane, but wake up if he so much as hiccups in the night. She was right. It was comforting just to hear those words, but when it actually happened, I understood. We can’t control everything, but we will always worry.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Chances are they will be back to being best buddies again in a few weeks time. There is absolutely nothing you can do, or say, to change what has, and what will, happen in her life. All you can do is steer her in the right direction, pick up the pieces when she falls apart, give her as much love and support as she wants (and sometimes she will reject that), and be strong when she (or your son) needs you, even though you may feel far from strong inside.

    Hugs to you, and pass some on to your daughter, she needs a few at the moment!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I don’t know… my daughter seems pretty sure that even if her ‘friend’ comes back to her and apologizes or something, she’s not going to be best pals with her again. This girl was mean. I know her and I didn’t know she had it in her to be mean like she was. But… I guess they could become friends again… who knows. I think at the very least, my daughter will be afraid to trust this girl again.

      What’s also troubling for me is that my daughter seems much better today… but I still feel overly sad…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. gigglingfattie says:

    I think it’s natural for you to feel this way when your kids are having a rough time. I’m not a mother, but even with my kidlets at work, I feel some of these emotions when they go through things like this. Girls are just M-E-A-N. I don’t know what it is about pre-teen/teenage girls, but they kind of suck. I was one of them when I was in high school and later on in life I hated that about myself. I feel really bad about how I treated some people. You are a great mom! Your kids are lucky to have you to go to for support! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m am sorry you are going through this. May Grace bless you with peace of mind. No i do not think you are cursed. But I do believe your daughters friend is jealous and being a little doorknob about it. It is unfortunate but people (not only kids)behave this way. My mum had a friend who you could say basically lived with and off us for many many many years. In 2015, my mum’s circle of friends grew somewhat larger and suddenly this friend went bat shit crazy on us. She basically cut all ties with us and we haven’t seen her since 2015. It’s sad but sometimes it’s for the best.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I just really hate seeing someone treat my daughter this way. My daughter is so giving. She’s always making things for people… cards, pictures, all sorts of little projects. One of the things her friend said to her was that she threw away everything my daughter ever gave her. So cruel. And of course my daughter was in tears. And she never got any explanation why any of this happened. But yes… I know, even adults can be this way. Maybe it’s easy for me to avoid this personally for me since I just have no friends at all…!

      Thanks for sharing and for your kindness. ♥


  7. stomperdad says:

    If only we could take their pain and make it our own. Having taught 4th grade for 6 years, I can attest that that’s the age at which “clicks” start forming. Sometimes these groups’ members change frequently for the most asinine reasons. If they’ve been best friends for years, this could be just a speed bump. It’s also a building block of the young woman she’s growing into. Good luck in getting it sorted out one way or another.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I definitely see things getting more complicated (I guess that’s a good word) with friendships at this age. (She is in 4th grade, by the way…) It really is just so hard to see her so upset and not be able to do anything. And I fear for the years to come… I’ve always heard that middle school is the worst! It’s already been a little challenging for my son… mean kids and all. But I think it will be even worse for my daughter!

      Thank you again!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: moody monday. #8 | what sandra thinks

  9. tieuloi1234 says:

    The best things will come to your daughter. I am also a mother so I understand the pain you are going through.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I only have sons so I can’t really know, but I hope that girl is just a little brat and your daughter finds other friends. I hope all the kids nowadays are not like this, but I would imagine there’s more emotion with girls. Stay strong, honey, and you’ll get her through this!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you… ♥ It’s funny… my mom doesn’t know what it’s like for boys because she only had girls. But honestly, my son has encountered some jerks, too. Anyway… I hate to sound like a total hippie, but there’s not enough love in this world… too much hate…


  11. Lennon Carlyle says:

    Kids can be so cruel. I’m so sorry! I can remember going through this a few times when I was a kid. Jealousy is a terrible thing. 😞

    Liked by 1 person

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