lazy mom’s mother’s day cupcakes.

Convenient and thorough instructions… for when you have to make your own celebration.

1. Make short but detailed shopping list: strawberry cake mix, Pillsbury vanilla frosting (I don’t know why it’s the best tub of frosting… it just is). Don’t forget to check if you have eggs and oil.

2. Give lazy husband shopping list.

3. Write blog post, poetry or fiction while waiting for return of lazy husband.

4. Frantically text lazy husband to ask that he stop at Dunkin’ on the way back for the big fat iced coffee you forgot to ask him to get before he left.

5. Snatch iced coffee from husband and begin sucking it down like you need it to live (because you do).

6. Retreat to kitchen, asking everyone to leave you alone for a while. Wonder if ‘alone‘ will last more than 30 seconds.

7. Grab bowl, dump everything in it and stick it in the Kitchenaid. Low… then taste. Medium for a minute… then taste. Medium for another minute… then taste.

8. Suck down more iced coffee to avoid fainting from lack of caffeine.

9. Scoop (I scoop, I don’t pour) batter into cupcake pans. Don’t forget the liners… cleaning those pans is a bitch. Don’t worry about scraping all the batter out with that scoop. You’re going to need a snack while the cupcakes are baking.

10. Drink up while waiting for the dying oven to come to temperature since you forgot to preheat. Remember to set dying oven to about 300°F so it’ll be around 325°F. Check dying oven’s temp after about 5 minutes of baking. When you see that it’s now at 400°F, turn it down to about 275°F so maybe it’ll get back to 325°F. Say a little prayer that they bake alright considering the repeated temp changes, checks and adjustments.

11. Curse lazy husband for wanting to wait to replace the dying oven until it’s dead. Contemplate whacking the fuck out of the dying oven with a sledgehammer so it’s dead and will need replacing. Try to erase thoughts of whacking lazy husband with sledgehammer.

12. Stare at the cupcakes as if willing them to cool faster. Then frost. If there’s any leftover frosting, pat yourself on the back for being brilliant enough to have left yourself a snack for later.

Please excuse the poor lighting.

13. Drink remaining iced coffee. (I’m just kidding. That’s long gone by now.)

14. Tell everyone the cupcakes won’t be ready to eat for a few hours because the frosting has to settle (or whatever creative bullshit story you can think of). Wait until kids are asleep and lazy husband vanishes to the basement. Make coffee. Choose a cupcake. Eat cupcake. Drink coffee. Rearrange cupcakes so no one can tell one is missing.

15. The next day, be sure to mention that you can’t wait to see how delicious they are while laughing on the inside.

16. Lament having to make your own mother’s day treat since lazy husband sucks at this sort of thing. Curse said husband. Maybe cry a little. Then eat another cupcake.

Happy Mother’s Day.

swash.
__
©2017 what sandra thinks

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra began writing when she was a sixth grader. She is a teller of stories through poetry, fiction, and tales from her own life. And she thinks too much. Read, think, enjoy, laugh.
This entry was posted in food, humor, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to lazy mom’s mother’s day cupcakes.

  1. Haylee says:

    Surely they ALL belong to you? I think you’d have a winning case in court should anyone dare to dispute it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, at least there’s strawberry cupcakes involved. And, if it were me, they’d be all mine. I’m sincerely wishing you a Happy Mothers Day. 😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Marquessa says:

    You always make me laugh. Maybe next year you should make it a spa day and order already made cupcakes, served by a goodlooking spa attendant (of course). 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Haha, thanks for an amusing post & happy mother’s day to you! The cupcakes look great. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  5. stomperdad says:

    Can that coffee be replaced by wine? Will I get the same results? Asking for my wife.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. magarisa says:

    Happy Mother’s Day, Sandra! Enjoy the cupcakes.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My hubby went to Starbucks and got me a Grande mocha and a breakfast sandwich. After he was gone for like 45 minutes the excuse was everyone in town was there. Then I got a card from youngest and from him. Then I made lunch and later I made dinner. So, yeah, happy mothers day to us!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Meg Sorick says:

    Happy belated Mother’s Day. The cupcakes sound delicious and your post is awesome! I’d be pissed if husband forgot Crazy Aunt Day (if it existed) and as it is he doesn’t really remember any ‘special’ day so I sympathize. Bastards. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This was fantastic! Laughed my ass off. (well not really but I can dream…nope, still there.)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ya know, if I had to bake my own cupcakes, I might just sit down with a tub of frosting and have at it. (It’s hella good with peanut butter, too. Just sayin.) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Pingback: in a week. | what sandra thinks

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