And… here’s the rest of the story…
Perhaps the best part of the whole wedding fiasco was JD. The groom’s brother was a couple of years younger, incredibly sweet and ridiculously smart. And he loved visiting me in my dorm room, listening to Nine Inch Nails and other cool shit while we talked all night.
And then I deflowered him. Is that term used for men? I assume not. He certainly did not have a flower. More like a… I don’t know… I cannot come up with a proper botanical metaphor. He was quite um… blessed and I was honored to be his first. And second. And, well, you get the picture. [Not the literal picture – this was not captured on film. Unfortunately.]
This guy lost his virginity while Sin was blaring from the speakers. [Must cover up sex noises with music in the dorm lest all the neighbors stand outside your door listening. Although I might not have minded. I suppose I had (have?) a bit of exhibitionist in me.] I’m willing to bet JD never forgot a damn thing about that night.
I’ve always wondered if E tried to have a go at him. I would not be at all surprised to discover that she did. And I spitefully love that because he would never have done that to his brother… so she would have been rejected.
As we neared college graduation, I met G, the groom’s best friend. And damn! Everyone around E’s groom was so much hotter than he was. And so much less annoying. Why E married that guy is still a mystery to me. Maybe she just wanted the attention. Maybe she thought having a wedding when I was single meant she ‘won’ whatever fucked up game she was playing.
But back to G… oh, he had the sexiest messy dark hair. And those eyes – I felt like he could see me naked when he looked at me. I blushed every single time. And I loved it. Alas, before I could get far enough out of my shy-zone to have an evening alone with him, E jumped in.
She had met G a few months earlier. Of course, she never mentioned him to me. And she never went after him until I met him – until she realized I was interested in him. The moment she knew, she made her move. I even remember the night it happened. Her husband was working late at the campus library. E told me G was at their apartment and after many beers, well, you know the rest. Yet another guy she fucked right out from under me. [Not literally, of course.] I’m not even going to touch upon the morality of E fucking her husband’s best friend.
Soon after, my friend David and I began to get much closer… and ultimately, we were together for four years. E never fucked him. She may have tried. I’m not sure and I don’t want to know. But even if she did try, she failed. He was not interested in her at all.
In fact, David wondered the same thing you’re probably wondering right now…
Why the hell did I remain friends with her?
Clearly, I was a doormat. Her doormat. Because God knows she walked all over me. She treated me like ass yet I was still there… ready to take more. I was not confident enough. I was not outgoing enough. And maybe I was not enough of a bitch.
I guess I let her win.
After graduation, I lost touch with E for months. Then she emailed me or I emailed her or we had a quick phone call – I don’t remember. And we quickly slipped back out of touch again. I’m not sure how many years passed before I received the email that floored me.
She wasn’t with her husband anymore… not that she was even really with him when she was with him. She moved back in with her parents. She had a crappy job, but it’s where she met someone. The words she used were so telling. She said her current flame wanted to take care of her. Not I’m in love or I’m so happy. No. She was going to be taken care of.
E must have loved that. She was a very take take take person without much give. But what floored me was something else. My man-swiping, sex-crazed friend was in a relationship with a woman. [Before anyone reads into this – don’t. I was shocked because it was E. I do not care who people love. Love anyone… or everyone. When I hear the term ‘sexual orientation,’ I think sexual position, not with whom you’re in those positions.]
This was the girl who schooled me on sex when we met. She was the one fucking almost every guy in sight. God, in high school, when my best friend told me he was gay, I just looked at him and said, ‘I know,’ as though he just told me his hair was blond. But E? I never would have guessed that she would stop dating [or fucking] men. But she did. For 13 years. Unless she was cheating. Entirely possible.
During the 13 years E spent with T (an amazing woman, by the way), I met John. The four of us spent lots of time together. They came to our wedding, we had crazy fun game nights. John and I eventually realized that we hung out with them more for T than for E. And the entire time, I never believed E was really in that relationship. T treated her like a fucking princess, but E treated her like crap. Sometimes it was painful to watch.
The reality I always assumed turned out to be true. I cannot confirm that E actually cheated on T, but I do know she tried.
My fucking husband.
She could not stop trying to steal my life. Ever.
When E and T told us they were moving out-of-state [far, far away out-of-state], I was happy. I was so over her fucking with my life. And when they were gone, John and I missed T. Not E.
A few years later, after I had both of my babies, I was surprised to see an email. E had finally admitted to T, after 13 years together, that she was never going to be happy without a man. What a fucking shock.
First of all, she never loved T. She used her for years… let T take care of her like a spoiled little princess. And she really wanted a man the whole time. I also had always wondered what happened to E’s dream of having children. She talked about it a lot when we were younger, still in school, especially when she got pregnant and months after she miscarried as well. I wondered why she and T never looked into adoption or any other parenting possibilities.
In the very same email, E also told me that she’d already met a man and moved in with him. And she was getting married. Oh, and this is when she and her first husband finally bothered to officially divorce.
Then there was the children thing. We were a bit older when all of this happened and maybe she was older than she wanted to be to have children. But… for the first time ever, she said she didn’t want kids and never did so everything worked out.
Lies. She always wanted kids.
But, you see, I had two beautiful children and since she couldn’t steal that from me, she insisted she never wanted it. I feel sorry for her if she truly wanted them and never became a mom. But on the other hand, I must admit, I think maybe it’s for the best. She is far too selfish to be a mom. Maybe she would have changed had she become one, but I’m not so sure about that.
I have to take responsibility for my own life. Of course. And I do. But our history shapes us. Some things from my past have made me amazing. And some have made me… well, they’ve been detrimental. I have no doubt that my relationship with E fucked with my head… in ways I am still ‘fixing’…
Afraid of losing people. Scared of being replaced. Always worried I’m not good enough. Keeping my desires to myself for fear that someone might steal them before I get there. And sometimes, not going for what I want at all because I’m already convinced I can’t have it.
I probably should have cut the cord as soon as she bought those shoes. Bitch.
I never wanted to be a part of her stupid competition. And my life certainly isn’t perfect…
But I don’t think she won.