I just want to talk.
Being alone with my racing roller-coaster thoughts never ends well. Sometimes it feels like it’s never going to end at all. It sucks. That’s a fucking revelation. It sucks.
I have never been a girl with tons of friends. And I prefer it that way. But here… in my life – my physical-human-interaction-offline life – I wish I had a friend. One… or two… maybe three. But even one. I’m totally good with one.
Back in college, I had a few amazing friends. [And one I thought was my ‘best friend’ (part 1, part 2)… but that was all kinds of wrong.] I’ve long since lost touch – and geographical closeness – with all of them. After graduation, I made a few new friends. Mostly through others… through means by which I did not have to initiate anything… because I’ve always sucked at that. Maybe that’s why every friend I’ve ever had has been at least a little (often a lot) more outgoing than I am.
But life takes people in a million different directions and none of them landed here with me. And I fucking hate it. I’m not asking for the world. Just one. One coffee-drinking, secret-sharing friend. I miss it. The laughing and the crying and the laughing-so-hard-we’re-crying. I miss the always-there-for-me with an ear, with a smile, with brutal honesty, with a kick in the ass (as needed)… and with a big fat hug.
I am so over loneliness. I miss having a friend.
Because I just want to talk.