how I met their father. part 2.

[If you have not read Part 1 – Fame, start there!]

Part 2 – Sandra Goes Wild.

nightlife.

Whenever my friends from the radio station got together for a show or for drinks at some bar after-hours, someone would call me and I’d get myself there. I was more determined than ever to be with people, meet new people, open the world up to myself so I could find someone… or he could find me. I was looking for the love of my life. Isn’t that what everyone looks for? But I had enormous doubts about finding this man at a bar. Or in the midst of some local rock show. These weren’t exactly ideal places for deep, meaningful conversation.

I’ll tell you what they were ideal places for…

…Checking out every inch of a person without him noticing because it’s loud and crowded and he’s distracted by his friends or the band.

…Finding something to drink that wasn’t beer (since beer is vile carbonated piss), but was still not ridiculously expensive.

…Discovering that if I smiled enough and flirted even just a little with pretty much anyone, I didn’t have to worry about the cost of a drink because I never had to pay for one.

…Finally making eye contact with that delicious guy I was undressing with my eyes.

…Taking said guy’s outstretched hand and following him outside to the sidewalk where the noise was dampened and conversation was possible.

…Immediately realizing that he and I were not out there for conversation at all. We were out there to dive down each other’s throats before we even exchanged names.

And so began (more accurately, continued) the days of Sandra Gone Wild.

But — I need to back up a bit.

[Sorry I’m completely screwing with the timeline… and with your heads. My memories come when they feel like it, rarely in chronological order.]

The events above and in part 1 occurred in the first few years post-college. But ‘wild‘ truly began earlier. Ahh, college: higher education, higher highs, and my first dip plunge into the wilderness that is uninhibited sexual freedom.

I arrived on campus a mostly-innocent girl. I’d had one ‘serious’ boyfriend in high school (as serious as teenage boyfriends can be). We fooled around a lot, mostly in my car, but we never had sex. He was long since out of the picture when I moved into my college dorm. I was single and loving it hating it. And I was still a virgin.

Within days, I met a girl with far more sexual experience than I had (maybe a bit too much). She explained things to me. (I guess my parents were in denial that my sisters and I were ever going to have sex. They put off any talk of it for so long that I had to get my info elsewhere. I mean, did they really think I was going to wait until marriage? Because no.)

By the end of my first year away at school, I’d finally had sex. I had a bit of a crush on Jason, but I knew it was going nowhere. I just wanted to stop being ‘the virgin’. I have no regrets (not about Jason, anyway). He was a sweet guy. A friend… who was willing to… deflower me. Of course, I’m pretty sure any male friend I had in college would have also been willing. Because boys and sex.

Also by the end of that first year, sexually-experienced E was my best friend. We were inseparable… and we made arrangements to be roommates when we returned the following school year.

E and I talked about everything together… and did everything together. Everything. Including this one very fortunate young man. I’m going to be honest… I don’t remember his name. I know that makes me sound like a harlot (that word is so much classier than whore) but I swear, my memory just sucks. I think maybe it was Dan? I’m pretty sure it started with D. I wonder if E remembers. Somehow, I doubt it.

two and one.

He wasn’t a stranger… we knew D (though not well enough for me to remember his actual name… ha!). And he knew us. We didn’t just grab some random dude from the quad. He was mildly hot, but mostly, he was in the right place at the right time, so to speak. And he was a willing participant in the hands-on sexual education of Sandra. Because college boy + two girls = no fucking way he’d refuse.

Being the (far) less-experienced one, I was a little nervous. But after a few Solo cups of wine (yes, it was college… every drink came in a red Solo cup), E thought it would be easier for me if we removed D from the equation in the beginning. We made him sit at the other end of the bed. And then kissing… just us girls… while D watched. And then a bit more than kissing. The best part (for me, anyway) of our little ‘girl-on-girl‘ tryst was how much D enjoyed it. I felt empowered sending him into a frenzy, making him desperate to have me. My nerves dissipated… and by then, E and I were almost putting on a little show for him. When clothing started disappearing, his role as observer was over.

And then… hands and bodies and mouths and tongues… and unbridled, indulgent sex in every possible combination of twos and threes (and I guess also ones). I wondered, after that night, if D thought E and I fooled around all the time since our being roommates made it quite convenient. Imagining he thought that pleased me in a thrilling sort of way. But it wasn’t true. It only happened that night… and one other (with a different but equally lucky male friend). What can I say? I’m a very open girl… always have been… and it was fun playing with her, but I need a man.

Oh college… higher education, indeed. I confess – I’d love to relive those years.

Now, where was I? Oh yes… wild, hungry make-out session with the delicious guy from the bar. I brought him home. I lived closer to the city then – no worrying about driving after consuming free non-beer drinks. Chris and I escaped down to the subway and failed at keeping our hands (and mouths) off each other as we sped under the city. (And yes, I remember this guy’s name. See? Not a harlot. Of course, I didn’t actually learn his name until we were walking from the subway station to my apartment…)

We tried to be quiet enough to avoid disturbing my roommates. We closed my door and hoped for the best, but I’ll never know for certain if they heard us. I’ve always assumed the answer is yes. [Aside: I lived with David and Kristi at this point. It was just before I moved in with the awful bitches previously mentioned. Oh, by the way, Dave was my college ex-boyfriend (whole other story there) and Kristi was the girl who… um…well, she’s the girl in this post (one day…) which I think all of you assumed was fiction. But not so much… I did embellish a little, but that was essentially a true story.]

Hot Chris was not my only… mischievous romp. I didn’t sleep with them all (and by sleep, I mean engage in crazy-hot sex). Oh, but hot Chris? Yes, I did ‘romp’ with him. God, I had the sex drive of, well, pretty much every twenty-something guy I met. Hell, I am still the one with the higher sex drive, even today, in my current relationship… sigh

I enjoyed my active early- to mid- twenties. I know it may sound like I slept with half of the greater-metro-area’s young men, but in truth, the total number from Jason (first) to my husband John (last) is under 15. Maybe some will think that’s a lot… others will think it’s nothing. But it only truly matters how that number makes me feel… and I’m good with it. [By the way, I was always careful and safe… until John and I made babies.]

My twenties rolled on and I grew increasingly disenchanted, bitter, cynical. I wanted to meet a man and get to know all of him (not just his body parts, but those, too). I wanted to have a real relationship of the mind and of the heart and of the body, but not only one or two of those. I wanted it all. I wanted to fall in love. Real, true, magical, love-of-my-life love. I wanted to be unable to eat or sleep because those things were no longer necessary with that much love inside me… and inside him. I wanted to wake up every day to sunshine warmly beaming onto me while sweet chirping birds lifted my robe and gently dropped it to my shoulders as I began to twirl and dance around the room. And I wanted my love to feel whatever would be the male equivalent of that ridiculous daydream.

But the more time that passed, the more men I met — the more I believed the love I wanted was a fantasy… a fairy tale… pure fiction… only real in my imagination… just a dream.

Or at least it was all of those impossible things… for me.  


Part 3 – Sandra grows up… and down.

Coming soon.

Update – now posted:
Part 3 – Sandra Grows Up… and Down
Part 4 – Uncomfortably Numb

Advertisements

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves music, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
This entry was posted in love, personal, romance, sex, writing and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to how I met their father. part 2.

  1. beingmepresently says:

    Ahh yes, I loved my twenties too. Lots of fun – but unfortunately we often have trouble coping with the emotional side of things. I can tell you enjoyed writing this, it comes across in your writing. X

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel like this time was a lifetime ago for me. (OK, yeah, I’m old.) But there was one guy and I could NOT remember his last name – even the initial – and it was bugging the crap out of me….

    Thanks for letting me relive some of my history…. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. sassandsauce says:

    Can’t wait to read Part 3! I must say my twenties were far less interesting that yours. PS – Does your husband read your blog?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mine may have been a little too interesting! And… No!! John knows my blog exists but he doesn’t know what it’s called or where it is… So,no, he doesn’t read it. (Unless he is totally lying to me, but I don’t think he has it in him… and I’m pretty sure he’s too lazy to maintain a lie…haha!)

      However… he knows my history. But he may not know my every thought and emotion while it was happening, I suppose. And I hope to hell he never reads what’s still coming up in this mini-autobiography!

      Like

  4. I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks. I’m encouraged that I’m not the only adventurous one around. In my tiny group of friends (now that so many of my friends are spread around the world) I’m probably the most adventurous in terms of doing things beyond only two people, with G. I wish I had such a close female friend! I want the adventures you had. I feel like I’m missing out. I love G so much, and I guess we have (or at least, in the first couple years) the excitement you’re talking about… but I never had those wild years. Just the two adventures with G.

    I also really admire you being so willing to share your stories! My sex adventure are going to stay private for a while (unless you want to discuss one on one!) because so many people I know read them… including G’s friends. And I don’t think he wants them to know. So thanks for sharing, and I’m living vicariously through your willingness to do so!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m pretty much completely anonymous here. John doesn’t read it and if anyone on earth I know in the flesh reads this, I don’t know who they are. But, despite all of this, I was still a bit anxious about posting this. Even anonymously, I care and worry about what others think of me. I didn’t want to come across as a filthy whore. Because, I swear, it really wasn’t like that.

      I always felt like I was ‘late’ to the sex party, but once I arrived, I was all in. And by sex party, I don’t mean a literal orgy… I mean joining the no-longer-a-virgin club.

      Funny little thing — I lost my virginity on Groundhog Day. Though E and I live hundreds of miles apart now and barely stay in touch, she still sends me a picture of a groundhog every single year on that day! And of course, there were the jokes about it happening again and again and again— like the Bill Murray movie!! It was completely unplanned, but gives me a laugh every February!

      I don’t have any close friends like that in my life anymore… which I suppose is to be expected as we get older… and of course, I no longer live in a dorm with E in our first stint no longer living with our parents! I do miss those years… I miss the adventurousness. I had no hang-ups about anything related to sex back then. Now that I’m married and have been for a LOT of years, I have more hang-ups! It should be way less… My life is backwards! (But the state of my sex life today is not all my doing… not by far — stay tuned on that!)

      Also… Please email me if you want to relive anything privately. (You can do it through the contact form and when I respond, you’ll have my email address.) I completely understand where you’re coming from — if I had people I knew who read this I would never have been able to post that… or many other things I’ve posted. And I wanted to be able to post anything and everything!

      Okay, this is a giant response to your comment… but yes, feel free to get in touch if you like. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s amazing, I love that she still sends you that!

        Thanks — I’ll be sure to do that sometime soon 🙂 but I like the idea of the password posts too. I was anonymous for a while, but with a lot of what I wrote, I felt like it wasn’t doing what I wanted to if people I knew weren’t reading it… especially because things like sexual assault and such aren’t talked about enough, when it’s someone you know it’s just that much more influential. I just got tired of hiding. I’m still not adding my face and name to the blog though, but I’m starting to feel like I should since it’s really clear who I am to anyone who reads it and actually knows me. And maybe I’ll be brave enough to not care one day… we’ll see. I don’t think G really read my stuff anyway, unless I ask him to!

        Please feel free to message me as well, it’s nice to have made a new connection 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • I confess… a part me sometimes hopes a family member or even John finds this, figures out it’s me, and really reads the shit I post. All of it! I post things here I’m nowhere near brave enough to say face-to-face or even to hand over a written version!

          Yes, we’ll definitely talk more!

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: how I met their father. part 3. | what sandra thinks

  6. Pingback: how I met their father. | what sandra thinks

  7. Pingback: how I met their father. part 4. | what sandra thinks

  8. Pingback: unwilling competitor. | what sandra thinks

thoughts? talk to me.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s