[Disclaimer: I am not a musician. I can sing. I remember most of the recital piece I played on the piano when I was 6. But I’m not a musician. I know what I like and what I don’t like and what will likely be the soundtrack when I arrive in hell.]
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q | queen
Of course it’s Queen. Had you thought of anyone else? I did think of a couple… but they suck. I do legitimately love a few Queen songs. I should think everyone does. Even my kids do. But I think you know I’m writing about Queen because… well, it’s frickin’ Q.
Maybe this is cheating, but my favorite Queen song is actually the Queen/David Bowie one… Under Pressure. Yeah, I also like Bohemian Rhapsody, Somebody to Love, We Are the Champions... They’re fun to sing. You know, at the top of my lungs in the car alone with the windows open… but Queen and David Bowie? Brilliant.
‘Cause love’s such an old fashioned word And love dares you to care For people on the edge of the night And love dares you to change our way Of caring about ourselves This is our last dance This is our last dance This is ourselves under pressure Under pressure Pressure
[Disclaimer: Obvious exaggeration and humor follows… but truth follows also. And much foul language.]
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This was my people-hating quiz result…
If you’ve ever been with me for more than five minutes, you’ve heard me say, ‘I hate people.‘ And I do. I hate people. Not you. Just… people. I know… you’re people. But I really don’t mean you… I mean the collective ‘people’… but there are exceptions (you).
But people. Just leave me the fuck alone. I cannot even count the ways you irritate the hell out of me… but I will start…
1. Driving may be the most people-hating activity of all. How fucking stupid are people?one
… a. If you’re going to be in the fast lane, you cannot expect that moving at 50 mph in a 65 isn’t going to piss me off. Get the fuck out my way.
… b. If you see me about to pull into a parking spot, do not hit the gas and steal said spot. I will punch you in the face.
… c. If you don’t know how to park in parking space, go the fuck home.
… d. Do not assume I will stop mid-traffic to let you out onto the road in front of me. Because that is not going to happen. … … Okay… that’s enough… but I do have more…
2. I do not want to be in the mall. Or the supermarket. Or Target. Or, god help me, Wal-Mart. I do not want to be around people. Like, ever. I would be online shopping right now if I could. So the least you could do is… yes… you guessed it… get the fuck out of my way.
… a. Speed the fuck up if you’re not going to let me walk around you.
… b. Do not, for the love of all that I hold dear, stop suddenly so I nearly smash into you. Don’t make me spill my coffee, bitch! … c. No, I do not need help navigating your 1600 square foot store. No, you cannot help me find something. I’m pretty sure I can do it on my own. Stay the hell away from me. Except… if I need that thing up on the top shelf… then… I’m going to need help. Where the fuck are you? … d. If you see me heading to the line, do not run in front of me. This is when I will intentionally accidentally smash into you.
… e. For fuck’s sake, if you do not know how to handle self-checkout, do not take five hours trying. Just get the fuck out of my way so I can get the hell out of there.
3. Do not gather anywhere I need to be. Too crowded. Go away.
4. Do not get in my personal space… or look over my shoulder at what I’m writing… or reading. And if you’re close enough that you’ve accidentally dripped coffee on me, you’re waaay too close. Get the fuck away from me.
5. Do not continually approach me as though I look like I want people to talk to me. I don’t. Does my body language say, ‘Please come talk to me…’ or ‘I really want you to interrupt me…’ or anything else close to that? Right… it does not. Go the fuck away.
6. If you must talk to me, do not lie to me. I am not stupid. Trust me. I’ll figure it out. And I may never tell you I figured it out, but you should just assume that I know everything. Because I probably do.
7. Do not be a pretentious asshat. Woo… you have a thesaurus. I’m so proud of you. Shut the fuck up.
8. Quit trying so hard. It’s obvious as fuck. Ugh. God, I hate people.
9. My goal is not to be better with people. My goal is to get you the fuck out of my face.
[Disclaimer: I am not a musician. I can sing. I remember most of the recital piece I played on the piano when I was 6. But I’m not a musician. I know what I like and what I don’t like and what will likely be the soundtrack when I arrive in hell.]
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p | pixies
Except for some of my college years, I’ve lived in or near the Boston metro area my whole life. The Pixies were (are…) required listening. At least in my circles. They even have a song called UMass (where the two founding members met). Of course, that song is meant as an insult to pretentious college students. Which is awesome.
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“In 1988, the Pixies sounded like no other band. By 1991, every band sounded like the Pixies.” — RateYourMusic.com
“Their discography’s length is inversely proportional to its influence.” — tvtropes.org
Tons of artists site the Pixies as a major influence. Like, good ones… huge ones. It’s impressive, I think.
Dave Grohl has said that Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit sounds like a total Pixies rip-off. He and Kurt Cobain acknowledged the Pixies as a huge influence. They’re not the only ones… Radiohead, the Strokes, Bush, Blur, Weezer, Pavement, Modest Mouse, even David Bowie.
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Have you ever had a line from a song pop into your head whenever you hear a certain word or phrase? Does that question make sense? For me, this happens EVERY time someone says, “There was a guy…” (And that’s a pretty common little sentence…) I always ask, before I even realize I’m doing it, if he was ‘an underwater guy’…
Monkey Gone to Heaven There was a guy An underwater guy who controlled the sea Got killed by ten million pounds of sludge From New York and New Jersey This monkey’s gone to heaven
The creature in the sky Got sucked in a hole Now there’s a hole in the sky And the ground’s not cold And if the ground’s not cold Everything is gonna burn We’ll all take turns I’ll get mine, too
I had a hard time choosing one song to feature which is why I linked the one above… and why I’ll mention Gigantic here. I do prefer the dude’s voice to the girl’s… but Gigantic is amazing… and mostly sung by Kim Deal, not Black Francis. (I love that his name is ‘Black’… even if he made it up.)
Anyway… after playing a bunch of Pixies songs, I finally chose… Where Is My Mind? It just seemed right.
Oooh – stop With your feet in the air and your head on the ground Try this trick and spin it, yeah Your head will collapse If there’s nothing in it And you’ll ask yourself
Where is my mind? Where is my mind? Where is my mind? (Where is my mind?) Way out In the water, see it swimming
other p artists worth a listen
Pete Yorn — I totally fell in love with this guy when I heard Life On a Chain… (And he’s not bad to look at either… sigh…) Psychedelic Furs — One of my favorite bands… from when I was 4. Ha! Ahem. Love My Way
[Disclaimer: I am not a musician. I can sing. I remember most of the recital piece I played on the piano when I was 6. But I’m not a musician. I know what I like and what I don’t like and what will likely be the soundtrack when I arrive in hell.]
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o | oasis
Siblings who can’t get along? I can relate to that…
My kids know I’m doing this challenge. [You should hear some of their suggestions for the ‘bitchfest’ portion.] And they ask me who I’m using for music. When they asked about O, I told them… Oasis.
‘I don’t know who that is.‘
‘Yes, you do.‘
And I played Wonderwall… and they knew exactly who I was talking about and they thought it was a great choice. [Thanks for the approval, kids.] That says something about Oasis, doesn’t it? Over 20 years later and the kids know it… and like it.
I thought about posting Wonderwallbut everyone knows that song. [And I just linked it…] Of course, everyone probably knows this song, too…
Slip inside the eye of your mind Don’t you know you might find A better place to play? You said that you’d never been But all the things that you’ve seen They slowly fade away
So I’ll start a revolution from my bed ‘Cause you said the brains I had went to my head Step outside, summertime’s in bloom Stand up beside the fireplace Take that look from off your face You ain’t ever gonna burn my heart out
And so, Sally can wait She knows it’s too late as we’re walking on by Her soul slides away But don’t look back in anger I heard you say
Take me to the place where you go Where nobody knows if it’s night or day But please don’t put your life in the hands Of a Rock ‘n’ Roll band Who’ll throw it all away
I’m gonna start a revolution from my bed Cause you said the brains I had went to my head Step outside, ’cause summertime’s in bloom Stand up beside the fireplace Take that look from off your face Cause you ain’t ever gonna burn my heart out
[…] Don’t look back in anger I heard you say At least not today
Not in every way, of course. Like most people, I enjoy the beautiful things. I love a nice walk on a pleasant day. Or warm sand between my toes as I stare out at the ocean. Or swimming in Mom’s pool. Or irresponsibly going a little too light on the sunscreen so I get a little color on my pale skin. Yeah… I like those things…
And I love going for aimless drives when it’s warm enough to have the windows open with the music blaring so I can sing as loud as I want and no one will tell me I’m off key. Does that even count as outdoors? Probably not.
But… but… but…
If you’re going to be outside, don’t forget to bring a drink. Must remain hydrated. Some music, maybe? Something to read? Basically, pack a bag. Or… just stay inside where you already have all those things at the ready.
Even if I’m close enough to anywhere to maintain wifi access, using a laptop outside is ridiculously awkward. Using a phone is better but still problematic. The screen needs to be at maximum brightness… and even then, the glare…
And what if it starts to rain? Ugh… then you have to collect all your shit and hurry inside where you probably should have stayed in the first place.
There is no comfortable way to sit on the grass. And the little blades touch my legs and I feel like something’s crawling on me and I have to stand up and if I’m going to sit, why the hell wouldn’t I just do it on a comfy sofa?
But none of that matters. Because one outdoor issue trumps all others.
Outdoors… is where the bugs are. Creepy crawly flying stinging biting disease-carrying creatures. No thanks. Keep your West Nile. Keep your Lyme Disease. And I’ll keep my Netflix.
I am kind of anti-social. Offline, I mean. [Unless you think I am online, too… which is a valid belief.] I don’t especially like to be around other people unless I know them well. I just want to be in my little sandra-pod. I know… get out of your ‘comfort zone’… but I like it here in my zone. Or that’s what my brain tells me…
Because I am this way, I have little interaction with my neighbors… as little as possible. I guess it would be nice if I had cool neighbors with whom I thought could potentially be friends (even though I suck at making friends)… but I really don’t have cool neighbors. Hell, on one side lives an older couple with two adult sons… one of whom was my husband’s bully when he was a kid. I’m guessing the parents don’t know.
And they’re too preoccupied to care…
I know some people are really into their lawn being perfect, but I cannot take the guy seriously when he’s out there inspecting it with fucking tweezers. I’m didn’t inherit my mom’s green thumb. Our lawn is not manicured like this guy’s. It’s not awful or anything… but it’s not like his… which looks like astroturf. And I see the way he glares at us… looks down on us. Yes… because of our lawn.
I am desperate to tell him that if he can’t bear our grass being less green than his, he’s welcome to come on over and ‘fix’ it. But I’m sure he’s way too busy with his hedge trimmers and that level he uses to make sure they’re perfect.
[Disclaimer: I am not a musician. I can sing. I remember most of the recital piece I played on the piano when I was 6. But I’m not a musician. I know what I like and what I don’t like and what will likely be the soundtrack when I arrive in hell.]
• • •
n | national, the
I can’t remember how my love affair with The National started but it’s been going on for a few years. I’ve mentioned them before… shared their music before… but I don’t think I’ve shared this one.
Pink Rabbits
A Pink Rabbit, should you wish to partake, is a cocktail made up of Tequila and Nesquik Strawberry Milk. Gross.
Icky drink aside, how can I not love a band who mentions a Morrissey album in their lyrics? [See below… Bona Drag.]
[…] It wasn’t like a rain it was more like a sea I didn’t ask for this pain it just came over me I love a storm, but I don’t love lightning All the waters coming up so fast, it’s frightening
Am I the one you think about When you’re sitting in your fainting chair drinking pink rabbits?
[…] I’m so surprised you want to dance with me now I was just getting used to living life without you around I’m so surprised you want to dance with me now You always said I held you way too high off the ground
[…] And everybody was gone You were standing in the street cause you were trying not to crack up And Bona Drag is still on…
other n artists worth a listen
Nine Inch Nails — For a pretty long stretch, I listened to NIN every day. Maybe it’s a bit out of character for my usual musical taste as NIN is a bit loud and scream-y and violent-ish… Maybe? I suck at this description. I do find that I need to be in a certain frame of mind to listen… but I still love it. “And everything I never liked about you is kind of seeping into me…” Down In It New Order — Another band that brings back many memories… Bizarre Love Triangle
2. I do not want to be in the mall. Or the supermarket. Or Target. Or, god help me, Wal-Mart. I do not want to be around people. Like, ever. I would be online shopping right now if I could. So the least you could do is… yes… you guessed it… get the fuck out of my way.
5. Do not continually approach me as though I look like I want people to talk to me. I don’t. Does my body language say, ‘Please come talk to me…’ or ‘I really want you to interrupt me…’ or anything else close to that? Right… it does not. Go the fuck away.
I can’t remember how my love affair with The National started but it’s been going on for a few years. I’ve 
what sandra thinks 