bitchfest | p – people #atozchallenge

#atozchallenge 2017 | bitchfest | what sandra thinks


[Disclaimer: Obvious exaggeration and humor follows… but truth follows also. And much foul language.]

• • •

This was my people-hating quiz result…

If you’ve ever been with me for more than five minutes, you’ve heard me say, ‘I hate people.‘ And I do. I hate people. Not you. Just… people. I know… you’re people. But I really don’t mean you… I mean the collective ‘people’… but there are exceptions (you).

But people. Just leave me the fuck alone. I cannot even count the ways you irritate the hell out of me… but I will start…

1. Driving may be the most people-hating activity of all. How fucking stupid are people?one
… a. If you’re going to be in the fast lane, you cannot expect that moving at 50 mph in a 65 isn’t going to piss me off. Get the fuck out my way.
… b. If you see me about to pull into a parking spot, do not hit the gas and steal said spot. I will punch you in the face.
… c. If you don’t know how to park in parking space, go the fuck home.
… d. Do not assume I will stop mid-traffic to let you out onto the road in front of me. Because that is not going to happen.
… … Okay… that’s enough… but I do have more

2. I do not want to be in the mall. Or the supermarket. Or Target. Or, god help me, Wal-Mart. I do not want to be around people. Like, ever. I would be online shopping right now if I could. So the least you could do is… yes… you guessed it… get the fuck out of my way.
… a. Speed the fuck up if you’re not going to let me walk around you.
… b. Do not, for the love of all that I hold dear, stop suddenly so I nearly smash into you. Don’t make me spill my coffee, bitch!
… c. No, I do not need help navigating your 1600 square foot store. No, you cannot help me find something. I’m pretty sure I can do it on my own. Stay the hell away from me. Except… if I need that thing up on the top shelf… then… I’m going to need help. Where the fuck are you?
… d. If you see me heading to the line, do not run in front of me. This is when I will intentionally accidentally smash into you.
… e. For fuck’s sake, if you do not know how to handle self-checkout, do not take five hours trying. Just get the fuck out of my way so I can get the hell out of there.

3.  Do not gather anywhere I need to be. Too crowded. Go away.

4. Do not get in my personal space… or look over my shoulder at what I’m writing… or reading. And if you’re close enough that you’ve accidentally dripped coffee on me, you’re waaay too close. Get the fuck away from me.

5. Do not continually approach me as though I look like I want people to talk to me. I don’t. Does my body language say, ‘Please come talk to me…’ or ‘I really want you to interrupt me…’ or anything else close to that? Right… it does not. Go the fuck away.

6. If you must talk to me, do not lie to me. I am not stupid. Trust me. I’ll figure it out. And I may never tell you I figured it out, but you should just assume that I know everything. Because I probably do.

7. Do not be a pretentious asshat. Woo… you have a thesaurus. I’m so proud of you. Shut the fuck up.

8. Quit trying so hard. It’s obvious as fuck. Ugh. God, I hate people.

9. My goal is not to be better with people. My goal is to get you the fuck out of my face.

wave

what sandra thinks @ redbubble

#atozchallenge | bitchfest
© 2017 what sandra thinks
Advertisements

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
This entry was posted in challenge, rant, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to bitchfest | p – people #atozchallenge

  1. Wow, I’m just nodding along like you were singing a song I knew and I just hummed right along with you. Granted, quietly from the other side of the room where it’s safe… but still. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Preach!!! I’m totally with you on numbers 1, 4, and 9. Get out of my personal space!!! You can add the dillweeds who yap on their phones in the checkout lines as well. Assholes! Nobody gives a shit that you had a manicure or an enema this morning… while wearing your fucking yoga pants immediately after. Hang up your phone, get the fuck outta my way, and go home and actually put some clothes on. We all know you don’t practice yoga!
    Thanks. I feel better now. 😃

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Ooo i noticed you changed your disclaimer at the top!! Well played!

    I don’t hate people THIS much….but totally agree with all of your points..just a little less haha

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hahaha, again! I love these rants. I can’t say all these things bother me, but some do. Sometimes.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Meg Sorick says:

    Fantastic! People suck! Especially the chirpy, friendly ones! Bastards!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. stephieann8 says:

    I say this phrase every fucking day.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Pingback: bitchfest | s – serving size #atozchallenge | what sandra thinks

  8. Preach it Sista! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pretty much every single HR person I know says the same thing. lol

    Although…I like being AROUND people, like at the mall or Target. I like making intimacy-free chatter and then going along my way.

    I also like yoga pants, so there’s that. 🙂 But we can still be friends, right?

    Liked by 1 person

thoughts? talk to me.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s