bitchfest | o – outdoors #atozchallenge

#atozchallenge 2017 | bitchfest | what sandra thinks

I hate the outdoors.

Not in every way, of course. Like most people, I enjoy the beautiful things. I love a nice walk on a pleasant day. Or warm sand between my toes as I stare out at the ocean. Or swimming in Mom’s pool. Or irresponsibly going a little too light on the sunscreen so I get a little color on my pale skin. Yeah… I like those things…

And I love going for aimless drives when it’s warm enough to have the windows open with the music blaring so I can sing as loud as I want and no one will tell me I’m off key. Does that even count as outdoors? Probably not.

But… but… but…

If you’re going to be outside, don’t forget to bring a drink. Must remain hydrated. Some music, maybe? Something to read? Basically, pack a bag. Or… just stay inside where you already have all those things at the ready.

Even if I’m close enough to anywhere to maintain wifi access, using a laptop outside is ridiculously awkward. Using a phone is better but still problematic. The screen needs to be at maximum brightness… and even then, the glare…

And what if it starts to rain? Ugh… then you have to collect all your shit and hurry inside where you probably should have stayed in the first place.

There is no comfortable way to sit on the grass. And the little blades touch my legs and I feel like something’s crawling on me and I have to stand up and if I’m going to sit, why the hell wouldn’t I just do it on a comfy sofa?

But none of that matters. Because one outdoor issue trumps all others.

Outdoors… is where the bugs are. Creepy crawly flying stinging biting disease-carrying creatures. No thanks. Keep your West Nile. Keep your Lyme Disease. And I’ll keep my Netflix.


what sandra thinks @ redbubble

#atozchallenge | bitchfest
© 2017 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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46 Responses to bitchfest | o – outdoors #atozchallenge

  1. I take it you don’t camp? 😃

    Liked by 1 person

    • Once in my life. With my juggling ex, actually… lol 😃

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hahaha! Did he juggle Coleman lanterns for ya’? I love camping, especially back country. I actually lived in a tent for a while when I was traveling solo out west. Bears kinda suck, and mountain lions. But other than that…. 😃

        Liked by 2 people

        • Nope… I could never do it. I barely made it through that time. I think I asked him about 100 times if we could just get a motel room… even a crappy one! But he wanted me to experience the camping thing. And it wasn’t even THAT backwoods… there was a little building thingy with a bathroom… no shower… just toilet and sink. However, being afraid of the dark… I could not go alone once it was dark. LOL.

          Also no on the lanterns.

          Also, I knew you would be a camper… and not mind the bugs and assorted vermin. 😀

          Liked by 1 person

          • Ha! I love being out like that, off the grid, and alone. But, the bathroom thing is an issue. Digging a hole isn’t ideal, and, you know, poison ivy or oak. Not good. But I’d rather go au natural than use one of those campground pots. Spiders like this things, man. I don’t dig the spiders…especially when they have access to the tender bits. Not cool. 😃

            Liked by 1 person

  2. gigglingfattie says:

    1000000% agree!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Meg Sorick says:

    You are funny! I love the outdoors! My husband however, would agree with you 100% – it’s usually the other way around. I don’t generally try to ‘work’ outdoors with laptop or tablet. When I’m outside, it’s to walk, hike, swim, etc. And maybe take a nap in the hammock!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Sophia Ball says:

    I love that you mentioned ‘the blades of grass tickling your leg and making you think something is crawling on you’. I always forget about that. In the midst of Canadian winter, I start to romanticize the summer (which I am currently doing). It’s all cotton candy, sunshine and Ferris wheel rides. In the winter, when I dream of summer, it is a place where there is one wasp. In the whole world. And he never finds me.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hammocks… Make outdoors all worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Years ago we added a sunroom and if I want o eat outdoors, I put a table in there and open the windows, hahaha. Camping? Shudder… I’m more a Westin kind of girl 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You cant beat the open road, the wind in your hair and the music blaring!…and no passengers, very important 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Miriam says:

    Haha. You need to come camping with me Sandra. I’ll show you a different (and much comfort) version of the outdoors. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Lennon Carlyle says:

    Gosh, we are so much alike! I like the outdoors but with a drink, must have my phone, something to read and HATE bugs! LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I do love outside if I’m DOING something – hiking, kayaking. If I just want to sit, drink read…keep me indoors where there are fewer stingy bite-y itch-inducing critters.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Pingback: #atozchallenge wrap-up. | what sandra thinks

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