fiction friday 48: a walk in the city. (take 2)

fiction friday.

This is a repost from September 2015.

A modified scene from a longer [unfinished] story I wrote when I was in high school.

“You’re blushing.”

“I am not.”

“Yes… you are…” He stopped suddenly, almost causing a pile-up of pedestrians behind them on the sidewalk. With his hands on her shoulders, he turned her to face the shop window beside them. “See… blushing.”

She stared into the window but not at her own reflection. She looked at his mirrored face in the glass. And he looked at hers.

“You are blushing.”

She took a deep breath and spun around. The way he smiled at her – the smile she could see in his eyes – melted her insides. He gently pushed the hair from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. Slowly, he leaned closer to her and took her face in his hands. Her heart pounded furiously. She desperately wanted to stop being afraid, but logic screamed inside her head.

It will never work. We are simply not possible. God, he is so close to me. He smells like coffee and heaven. Why can’t I just let go?

Already hating herself for it, she let her head win. “I don’t think I’m really blushing… It must be the sun or…”

“Hey?”

“Yeah?”

With his mouth barely a breath from hers, he spoke in a whisper. “No more talking.”

He knew she was scared, but he couldn’t hold back for one more second. His barely-parted lips touched hers gently, as if asking permission for more. When she lifted her hands to his chest and grasped the collar of his jacket, he had his answer. He pulled her head closer, and when her lips parted for a breath, he snuck his tongue between them.

She heard his little moan escape from his mouth into hers. And she needed to hear it again. She took control, teasing his lips with her tongue and her teeth. When he moaned again, deeper than before, she lost a tiny sound of her own. Their tongues tasted and tangled, every touch mixed with tiny gasps for air. Her fear magically disappeared. Everything disappeared. The entire city around them – car engines and horns, people rushing up and down the sidewalk, the rumble of subway trains below – all of it – gone.

Hearts racing madly, their mouths finally parted. He still held her face in his hands as he gently leaned his forehead against hers. Their panting breaths mingled in the tiny space between them.

“Oh god,” she whispered, unable to say anything more.

His thumbs ran slowly over her warm cheeks. “You are definitely blushing.” He pulled her mouth back to his for sweet little kisses.

“I might believe you now,” she conceded. “Should I look in the window?”

“No.” He smiled and ran a finger along her lips. “Was that okay?”

“Yes… definitely okay.”

“My god, I didn’t think you were ever going to let me kiss you.”

“But I’ve wanted it the whole time.”

“Does that mean I can do it again?”

“Yes…”

blue hearts.
© 2015-2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in fiction, fiction friday, love, romance, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

the night.

hand

And when the night comes
And the moon fights the sun
And the stars battle clouds
And the demons kill sleep
And the chaos destroys peace

I will dream of
The night without pain
The night tranquil and still
The night safe from harm
The night I slept in your arms

p_squiggle-div

©2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , | 27 Comments

believe.

hajin bae

Stop torturing me.
I’m not supposed to believe
I deserve this pain.

loopyswirl-div

©2016 what sandra thinks
artwork by Hajin Bae

 

Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , , | 17 Comments

song of the day. #12

song of the day.

You know how people say you should listen to uplifting music when you’re down… when you’re having a terrible day? That doesn’t work for me. It’s kind of like perky people. I want to kick the uplifting music in the face. Or in the nuts.

A normal person would not be this way, would she? Something’s not right with me.

I’ve had a few too many bad days lately. The extended holiday weekend was helpful… if only for the constant presence of my children preventing me from overthinking much of anything. But then Monday came. Yes, even for the unemployed, Mondays suck.

I tried to fix it… but…

How do you fix something when you know what you need to fix it but you can’t get it because you need to fix it to get to the thing you need to fix it?

I give up… and I seek my friend. No, not Morrissey. This time… Robert Smith.

I’d love to touch the sky tonight
I’d love to touch the sky
So take me in your arms
And lift me like a child
And hold me up so high
And never let me go
Take me
Take me in your arms tonight
Hold me
Hold me up so high
And never let me down
Hold me
Hold me up so high
To touch the sky
Just one more time

d-play_sm

d-pause_sm
Obviously I am not the owner of any rights to this song, this video, or these lyrics… just everything else… which isn’t much… © 2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in music, writing | Tagged , , , , | 17 Comments

french toast.

I heard that today is #NationalFrenchToastDay.

You don’t have to tell me twice.

french toast.

Yum. I have no recipe… yet it turns out delicious every time. Definitely brown sugar, not white. And don’t forget the cinnamon.

I’ve got to hide the evidence because the kids will be sooo disappointed they didn’t get any.

Don’t tell on me.

divider dots.

Photo is my own (as if you couldn’t tell by the terrible quality)
©2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in food, writing | Tagged , , , | 61 Comments

let me go.

damaged.

If you can’t climb with me
let me go
Stop dragging me down
to the very place
I hope to leave behind

If you can’t hear me
let me go
I’m tired of screaming
when you only hear
words you want me to speak

If you can’t love me
let me go
Give me a chance to find
the man predestined
to mend my broken heart

© 2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , | 29 Comments

…hopefully.

Note: This post mentions suicide – I don’t know the proper protocol for this… but I believe I’m supposed to warn of topics of this nature so readers can stop now should they so choose.

tree.

When I was 15 years old, my 16-year-old cousin shot himself in his parents’ basement. Was it intentional or accidental? We will never know. He left no trace of explanation behind. No note.

I have mixed feelings about guns. Well, maybe not so mixed. (Please, this is my opinion. I don’t want a debate.) How can I not wonder what would have been if my cousin had no access to a gun? [It was his father’s… for hunting.] And why the fuck wasn’t it locked up? If it was an accident, he might still be here. If it wasn’t an accident, he might still be here. If he was determined to take his own life, he might have found another way. Or maybe he wouldn’t have.

When he died, his closest-in-age brother was 15, just like me. B found his brother. I have never been able to fathom the impact that moment had on B. I cannot imagine I ever would have recovered. Yet he did. But when he was 19, B was killed in a car accident. When I say car accident, I mean to say, we assume it was an accident. Could it have been intentional? We will never know.

These events happened a long time ago. I don’t think I’ll ever use the words “over it” but when I think of it now, it’s more of a reflection… my tendency to overthink everything – past, present and future. And when I feel my worst, I wonder if it’s how they felt – either of them – because I have never considered myself a strong person…yet I am still here… and they are not.

PLEASE – If you ever feel low enough to leave this world, tell someone. Anyone. Please.

divider dots.

These two brothers had a third. J is one year younger than B and I. He is one of the most incredibly well-adjusted people I’ve ever met in my life. He amazes me. I don’t know how he does it. God, he lost a brother when he was 14… and another when he was 18. I’m not sure how you live with that… but he has.

About three years ago, J was diagnosed with brain cancer. He has had multiple surgeries… the most recent of which was two weeks ago. They removed what they could, but they couldn’t get it all. It is aggressive… it keeps coming back… spreading. And there is nothing more they can do for him. He may have days or weeks or… maybe months… but as far as I know ‘months’ is unlikely.

I saw him yesterday at Thanksgiving at my mom’s. He looked great! Handsome and smiley as ever. If I didn’t know what was going on, I’d never guess that he was anything but healthy. And he looked happy. I don’t know how he does it. He is amazing. And sweet and kind and generous. With hugs hello and hugs goodbye, I kept it together. But when he and his girlfriend left, I kind of lost it. I think it was the words he spoke when he hugged me goodbye…

“See you at Christmas, hopefully…”

divider dots.

©2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in family, writing | Tagged , , , | 34 Comments

fiction friday 47: when she knew. (take 2)

fiction friday.

This is a repost from last November. I don’t think any of my current ‘regulars’ have read this one…

A modified scene from a much longer story I wrote when I was 20. (Just a few years ago…)

“When did you know?” he asked. His fingers gently tucked her hair behind her ear.

“When did I know what?” She knew exactly what he was after but she made him work for it. And she made him smile.

“Oh honey. You know what I mean. When did you know you… wanted me?”

Her smile became a soft laugh. “Well, I wanted you the day we met. I was not expecting all of this…” She ran her fingers slowly up his body from his waist to his heart. “I thought I was going to spend the afternoon lugging furniture and boxes up four flights by myself.”

“And then you tried to impale me.” He laughed at her.

“Hey! That was an accident.”

“I have a scar!”

“Maybe you should have been paying attention to the crazy girl blindly climbing the stairs with a chair.”

“I was paying attention,” he said. “That was the problem.”

She blushed and slid her hand to his neck. “And I always thought you helped me move in because you were kind and sweet…”

“I am kind and sweet.” He laughed softly. “And I’m also a man.”

She smiled. “Yes, you are. A damn gorgeous kind and sweet man… which is why I wanted you about five seconds after we met.” She kissed his mouth. “Is that what you wanted to know?”

“I want to know when you fell in love.”

grandcentralstation-sm

“Grand Central Station.”

“What?”

“I had to leave. Grandpa died and I had to leave the city. You knew I was a mess. You wanted to come with me but you had finally landed that interview. It was important. I couldn’t let you miss it. So I snuck out.”

“But I couldn’t let you go alone. I snuck out, too.”

She covered his cheek with her hand. “I stood in that station, staring at nothing, people hurrying all around me, and I was alone. Until you magically appeared next to me.”

“It wasn’t magic,” he said, “it was a lot of running and yelling at my driver.”

A tiny laugh fell from her smile. “It was magic. And I fell in love with you.”

“I fell in love with you, too. Before that afternoon at Grand Central.”

“When?”

“I will tell you…” He pulled her closer and kissed her. “Later…”

blue hearts.

© 2015-2016 what sandra thinks
Posted in fiction, fiction friday, love, romance, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | 50 Comments