wst february 13. too many people.

too many people.

I used to be able to handle being around lots of people, but I get anxious now. I don’t slip into a panic or anything. I just don’t like it. I even want to move, partly because I live in a busy suburb and there are too many people. I want to be farther away. From everything. (I want to move for a number of other reasons, too, but that’s another story.)

Of course, no matter how far away I run, I’ll still be with me. *I* am too many people. I have so many thoughts screaming at me inside my head. I can’t escape them. And I have yet to learn how to quiet them. They’re actually having a fucking party in my head right now. This is why sometimes I want to sleep for a few days. Like, straight through.

I have all sorts of contradicting thoughts, too. I’m fighting myself.

I wish I had friends. I want to be alone. I’m lonely. I wish I wasn’t alone. I want everyone to get out. Doing [insert thing here] will make me feel terrible. I’m going to do [insert same thing here]. I’m going to accomplish something. I’m staying in bed. I don’t care what people think. What if they don’t like me?

I have a headache.

(Not actually my brain. Close, though.)

I really do want to have a good friend or two, but I also want alone time. Right now, too much of my time is alone time. That might sound good to some of you, but trust me when I say too much is a bad thing. I guess that’s true for anything. Even people. Especially people. Too many people is definitely a bad thing.

(click image to view larger)

Mr. Right and Mr. Left would not be too many people.

p.s. — I don’t actually *hear* the voices in my head. They’re just thoughts. And I’m not actually more than one person. Those things were metaphors. Just wanted to clarify in case that concerned you. 

©2022 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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11 Responses to wst february 13. too many people.

  1. Carol anne says:

    Yep, been there, with the thoughts, but I do have voices, my alters voices, all yammering at once for a piece of the action! Its crazy, and gets pretty loud in my head and my brain feels like it will explode! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Monty Vern says:

    I can appreciate your illustration of your headache. Looks about right. Reminds me of the sketches Kurt Vonnegut had in some of his books.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Deepika says:

    It’s like exactly you wrote my thoughts… I associate so much with you. So I like reading your posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. gigglingfattie says:

    I’m not a fan of lots of people either. But I don’t think I’ve ever really been good with it. I like smaller groups, or really just 1:1

    Liked by 1 person

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