Once upon a time, a very long time ago:
“Why don’t you ever bring me flowers?”
The next day, he came home with flowers, all proud of himself for getting them. Was I happy about it? No.
It was nice and I said thank you, but it doesn’t mean anything when I give him the idea. It only means something if he thinks of it on his own.
And forevermore, the phrase, “It’s like flowers,” which has been uttered many many times, means that a gesture he didn’t think of on his own is meaningless.
“I can’t believe you didn’t think to get me [insert thing here].”
“I can go get it now.”
“Forget it. I don’t want it anymore. It’s like flowers.“
(This is what happens to flowers. They shrivel up and die. Just like my heart.)
If I tell him I want something, and he gets it, he basically just ran an errand for me. If he thinks of it on his own, however, like buying me a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for no reason, then it means something. (Probably that most of my favorite things are edible.)
Do I expect anything today? No, because I didn’t give him any ideas. I didn’t flat out ask him to get me something for Valentine’s Day, which is what I would have needed to do. I probably would have had to tell him what to get, too.
I don’t really care. We don’t have the kind of relationship where I’d expect any sort of romantic gesture. (Sucks to be me.) But I still wish he’d think of the Ben & Jerry’s thing on his own. Like, anytime. Not necessarily today. I could really go for a pint of Oat of this Swirled or Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz or Half Baked. Really, it would be difficult to go wrong here.
They don’t need to send me flowers. Just themselves.
p.s. — For the record, I like flowers. They’re pretty and they smell nice. But they die too quickly. Leave it to me to go there when I think of receiving flowers—dead ones. I’d rather have the cash. Or the Ben & Jerry’s.
p.p.s. — That Magnum stuff is also delicious. Bad name, though. All I can thing of is condoms.
p.p.p.s. — I recognize that it’s not *completely* meaningless if he gets [whatever] after I’ve given him the idea. I don’t want to sound like an ungrateful bitch. It means he did something I asked him to do. Like a trained puppy. What it doesn’t mean is that he thought of me and did something for me all on his own.