you won’t believe it.
Honestly, I can’t think of anything you won’t believe. I tell you everything. Too much, probably. If you’ve been here for a while, you know me better than anyone in my offline life.
So I offer you this:
Things you *will* believe.
- I have been crying for 1-2 hours a day for almost a month now, with the exception of weekends. On the weekends, I only cry as long as it takes me to shower because I don’t want anyone to hear me.
- I don’t have anything of my own in my life so I focus too much on other people (read: my kids).
- I am desperate for someone to talk to on a daily basis. Kind of like daily therapy, but with a friend. That’s probably wrong because maybe a professional could help me, but I’m being realistic here. Therapy has never helped me. It’s a waste of money and time for me. At least with a friend, I would know they care about me more than just what is required of a professional (and, really, they’re not required to care at all). At least a friend would care about me until he/she got sick of listening to me and bailed (and I wouldn’t blame him/her for doing so). [Note: I have one person I communicate with most days, but I’m needy and desperate and I wish we had more time to talk.]
- I feel guilty for so many things. Not the least of which is that other people have terrible things happening in their lives so I should shut the fuck up about my “little” problems. (If only my problems felt anything close to little…)
- I can’t think of a single major decision I’ve made in my life that I don’t regret.
- Often, I think I would be better off alone. I don’t mean feeling alone (I already feel alone), I mean literally, physically alone.
- Everything in my life is bad, completely or in part. Nothing is good. And a lot of it, I don’t have the power to change. And the parts that I might have the power to change aren’t changing because I’m too weak to make that happen.
- I need someone to tell me “it’s gonna be okay” regularly. And maybe at some point, I’ll believe it. Right now, I don’t.
(But I am most definitely failing.)
I just thought of something for “you won’t believe it”.
I’ve only had one cup of coffee today.
(click image to view larger)
Perhaps you also won’t believe that I changed my guy. Yeah, there was meaning behind the first guy—Mr. Sexy Beach Guy—but I felt I was being unfair to all the other fine specimens in my “Men” folder. This one’s even wearing a shirt! It’s wet, but still.
p.s. — I’m not happy with my posts lately. They all morph into the same thing—my sadness, my anxiety, my fucked up life. I wish I had something else to write about, but as I’ve mentioned, I’ve become my depression. There’s nothing else to me anymore. My apologies.
©2022 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
Well, your post made me sad and I don’t want to “like” it but I want you to know that someone is at least reading it so I will. I definitely have my own issues and could use some time alone as well but I’m not miserable. Hoping you can find some peace.
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Thank you for reading. And I’m sorry I made you sad. For me, the “alone time” I feel like I need is to go away and never return and just be alone forever. Not that I would be happy, but maybe I’d feel better about not making everyone else around me miserable. And that’s why I’m always apologizing here. I feel like I’ll eventually drive everyone away.
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You are a good person. The world is really weird lately. I can’t tell you when things will be better but things will be different.
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I hope things change. I really need them to be better. Like, really really.
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You’re a bit moody I think 😉
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Thank you. No wait… should I be offended??
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No, not offensive, if you’re “moody”, there’s no real explanation for it!
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I certainly cannot explain myself.
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Its probably something other women would understand better than a man would, though I myself am also considered “moody” I can laugh it off, but ultimately, I don’t give a sh!t & hate everything mostly, I dunno, not everything, but more than half! Xx
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Well, gender aside, I have depression and anxiety so my moods are all over the place.
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Thats a tough deal, you have my sympathy 🙂
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Thanks…
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Awwww big hugs!
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Thanks. ❤️
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It’ll be okay… ❤
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I really hope so. Thank you for saying that. ♥♥♥
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