09 january – assumption. #bloganuary

bloganuary | what sandra thinks

January 9:

What do people incorrectly assume about you?

As I have for a few of these, I’m going with my first thought. Which is this:

That I am okay. 

People assume that I am okay. Here, maybe not. But offline? People usually assume that I am okay, and obviously (to you and in reality), I am not.

Maybe this is all wrong. Maybe they know I’m a fucked up disaster. Maybe they’re afraid to acknowledge it.

But if they know, I wish they’d show that they do. And show that they care. Here on this blog, people recognize my cries for help. While I may not be as open offline, it’s pretty clear that I’m not okay. Yet no one tries to help. I understand that often, people don’t know what to do, how to help.

Well, I have an answer.

Tell me.
Tell me that you don’t know how to help but that you are there for me anyway.
Tell me I can ask if I need something.
Tell me I can do it (no matter what “it” is).
Tell me you support me.
Tell me you love me.
Tell me I am not alone.
Tell me I am a good person.
Tell me it’ll be okay—even if you don’t know that it will—even if you don’t believe it.

Because I hate being alone and ignored. And I hate being scared as hell that I’m not going to make it.

You guys would tell me it’ll be okay, right? I knew you would.

p.s. — I am feeling so fucking alone today that I feel like it’s going to kill me.

p.p.s. — Maybe this whole post is wrong. Maybe people know but they are leaving me to deal with it on my own. I’m sure that’s what needs to happen—I need to deal with it on my own and help myself—but I am struggling (obviously) and no one seems to care or they don’t even notice.

p.p.p.s. — Conversely, I hate when people assume I’m depressed as fuck when I’m feeling good. Nothing ruins me faster than having others assume I’m sad when I’m not. Having depression doesn’t mean I’m never happy or in a good mood. Just like not having depression doesn’t mean someone is always happy and never has bad days.

©2022 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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18 Responses to 09 january – assumption. #bloganuary

  1. I don’t know how to help but I’m here anyway.
    You can ask if you need something.
    You can do anything.
    I support you.
    You are not alone.
    You’re a good person.
    It’ll be okay.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you, Sarah. I knew this post was going to make me cry. I mean, it did when I wrote it, but now the comments and making me cry all over again, but for different reasons. Some of you really care about me. Honestly, I can’t figure out why. But I’m so grateful.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I can’t speak for others, but I’ve been in a similar situation where I felt like my world was crumbling and even began thinking my family might actually be better off without me. I can tell you’re hurting and I don’t know what I can do to help, but I’m still trying. Besides, we are often way more (and I mean WAY more) critical of ourselves than we are of others. It’s a subjective thing. And we can’t be rational with ourselves because we often don’t see the bigger picture.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Yeah, I am overly critical of myself, and I think I’m worse than everyone. I think I’m a bad person in general. I’m needy, but I don’t feel like I give back to people what I want them to give me. It’s not balanced. Then again, I am not balanced so it makes sense, I suppose.

          Liked by 2 people

  2. Jack Sutter says:

    You aren’t alone. ✌☺

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hey,
    Sandra I don’t know how to help but that I am here for you anyway
    You can ask me any time if you need something.
    You can do it (no matter what “it” is)!! You got this!!!.
    I support you.
    I love you.
    You are not alone. You will never be. You have us
    You are a good person. You do so much!
    It will be okay. I know it will


    Liked by 2 people

  4. Simon says:

    People see what they want… It’ll be ok 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. gigglingfattie says:

    Big hugs Sandra!! I know that you’re going through a rough time and that you are doing the best that you can! And I hope that you can get some offline support for the things that you need support for!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Pingback: 10 january – grateful. #bloganuary | what sandra thinks

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