January 10:

What are 5 things you’re grateful for today?

First of all, the grammatical rule is that you spell out a number as low as five, so the question (as quoted from WordPress) is stressing me out.

Moving on…

I knew something like this was coming. I knew it. It always shows up. And I always struggle with it.

I’ve been told that I can list things as simple as sunshine or coffee or fresh air. But I feel like those answers are cheating. Of course I’m grateful for those things—I need them to live! (Yes, coffee.) I think the answers to this question should be more specific or bigger. Maybe that’s why “write three things you’re grateful for every day” (which I’ve heard a million times) makes me cringe.

Every day I’m grateful for sunshine, coffee, and fresh air. Should I repeat those every day? Of course not, even though people have said that I can. Cheating. But when I’m having a particularly bad day and I can’t come up with anything, I fall back on those. But the bad days are when I especially need to find real answers to this question. So again I say those fallbacks are cheating.

And today I need to come up with five things. Not three, but five. God help me.

one
After yesterday’s post, I am incredibly grateful for my online friends who responded to me to tell me they’re here for me, that they believe in me and support me, that I’m not alone, and that it’ll be okay. Right now, I’m not sure it’ll be okay, but knowing you’re there for me is everything. Thank you.

two
My children. I have made a lot of mistakes as a mother. More than any mother should. But my kids love me anyway. They are so smart and so strong. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been especially grateful for my daughter’s knowledge and determination. She has been giving me advice. As a mom, I feel like I should be giving her advice. Yeah, that makes me feel even more like a terrible mom. But I am so grateful that she doesn’t see it that way.

three
Trivial Pursuit and Pictionary. I’m serious. Over Christmas break, my kids, my husband and I played these games almost every night. We have never had a regular “family game night” and we still don’t. But those games had us talking and laughing together.

four
This cozy hoodie I’m wearing right now because I’m fucking freezing.

five
Sunshine, coffee, and fresh air. And chocolate.

(Yeah, this kind of fell apart after the third one.)

—

   
Obviously I’m grateful for my boys.

p.s. — Is this exercise supposed to make me feel better? I’m told that it will. Maybe I have to keep doing it for days, weeks, months, years for it to “work”. I’m really not great with waiting to see results from my efforts toward some future goal. It’s why I have a history of giving up, and therefore, failure.

©2022 what sandra thinks