Hi friends. Remember me? Forgive me for disappearing. It has been ten days since my last post…
I’ve had a lot going on while at the same time I’ve not had enough going on. Explain that? I don’t think I can. The best I can do is to sum things up like this: I lack purpose. I’m not happy with huge parts of my life, but what I’m not happy with is impossible to change so I need to learn to be happy with how things are. And I need to find something to give me a reason to be. This is what I’ve been trying to do. It’s not working.
I’m supposed to be trying the journal thing I mentioned a little while ago. I don’t know why I can’t seem to remember to do it. I can’t seem to remember a lot of things.
Often, at night, I come up with things to do the next day. I even write them down. But somehow, the next day, I pass right by that list… I don’t even notice it’s there… right beside my bed. Or… I do notice it… and I read it… and I am completely uninterested in anything on it. Yet night comes and they all seem like great ideas again. What the hell?
Always on that list is writing. But that’s (obviously) not happening.
I’m dying for inspiration. Dying. Everything in my life just feels… blah. Nothing is inspiring. It’s just… mundane, boring crap… or upsetting, difficult crap. [And now that summer’s over, I don’t even have those summer escapes to Mom’s.]
What I really want (among other things) is to be excited about some sort of writing project. But it’s just not happening. I think it’s because my life feels empty and meaningless. So much so that I can’t find anything inside me at all.
Prompts rarely (never) work for me. [God, I hate that word… ‘prompt’. Why does it annoy me so?] I need something more. Then again, ‘more‘ may not help me either.
I just want something that I want to write so passionately that I can’t wait to find time to get to it. Something I want to be working on all the time. Why can’t I get excited about anything? God, I miss that.
©2018 what sandra thinks