random things. #2

random - whatsandrathinks

I had a few random things I was going to write about, but I had to do something else first and now I can’t remember what they were. Seriously. It was ten minutes ago. I have a memory deficiency. I wonder if I can get any of those things back?

I will try. But these are probably just new things. I think the others are gone forever… fallen into the dark void that is my mind…


I need to find ways to ‘treat‘ myself that don’t cost much… or anything. I relaxing bath doesn’t do it for me. And I try to stay away from cheesecake and donuts as those have a tendency toward loss of self-control. The treats I want cost more than I should spend… or they involve a certain Asgardian who shall remain nameless since you already know his name.

[Any excuse to post a picture of him…]

I cannot believe I’m even considering this… but the last time I saw my MH NP, she suggested that I try writing a—wait for it—gratitude journal. Barf. I told her flat out that whenever someone suggests that to me (and I’ve heard that suggestion a million times), I roll my eyes. She was not surprised… she said that is the response she usually gets. She even said, “I know it sounds corny,” but that if I give it a chance, it can be ‘powerful‘ (her word, not mine). I didn’t believe her… but… it doesn’t even have to be daily… even just one thing a week. It can be any little thing that I’m thankful for. My kid gave me a hug. My father-in-law brought over a cake for no reason. I agreed to try. This was Monday. Today is Friday. I haven’t started. Or maybe I have… just now… with those two examples I gave… which are real things. But I feel so lame doing it. It just sounds so inane and hokey.

[This journal can be yours…]

I really hate when my girl comes home and tells me something her friends have or do that she doesn’t. I know I shouldn’t, but I feel bad that I can’t give her everything. For example, she has a really good android phone (like everyone else in my house), but most of her friends have iphones so she wants one of those. She also wants an ipad. And there’s more… a trampoline… even a cat. And then there was that Panic! At the Disco concert that she didn’t get to go to… Sigh. I need to teach her to be happy with what she has and not dwell on what she doesn’t have. Hey, that sounds familiar. I haven’t been able to figure that out for myself! How can I steer her in the right direction if I’m lost?

It would be great if I could make dinner and have everyone eat it without complaining. My son is really picky. I know I shouldn’t give in, but if he doesn’t like what I cook, I make him something else. And when my daughter sees that he gets to have whatever he wants, she doesn’t want what I made either. I’ve tried telling them that if they don’t eat what I cook (I am a good cook… my food is yummy… and usually quite healthy), they don’t get dinner. But then they literally do not eat. Tonight… I will eat my leftover steak stir-fry (which is amazing, by the way). And the kids will eat… something else. Mac and cheese? Grilled cheese? A fucking frozen pizza? Ugh… I hate it!

Well… those were serious-ish. Enough of that.

I love having nice, fresh, clean sheets on the bed. I would change/wash them daily if I wasn’t too lazy to do it. [Plus that would use a lot of water and such.] If I was obscenely wealthy, I think I would pay someone to do it for me. All three beds… not just mine.

Teenage boys have a smell that is not often what I would describe as ‘pleasant.’

I painted my fingernails this afternoon. They are a lovely shade of clear.

I would really like the damn slime fad to end. Do you know what that is? I’m done buying glue. The thing is… my daughter has gotten so good at making it that her friends ‘order‘ from her and she sells it to them! But I’m not seeing a return on investment. She’s got quite the racket going.

The butter pecan flavored creamer from the supermarket does not make a cup of coffee taste like Dunkin’ Donuts butter pecan swirl coffee. But Dunkin’ only has that flavor during the summer. Now they have gross things. Like pumpkin spice, which tastes like vomit.

And with that… I’m done. For now.

 

©2018 what sandra thinks

         

Advertisements

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
This entry was posted in life, random, writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to random things. #2

  1. I understand. It’s hard to do everything you hope and make everyone happy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh goodness can the slime phase be over PLEASE?! I am so over it myself and can’t wait for my own kids to get over it. Let’s start an anti-slime revolution haha

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Marquessa says:

    …the gratitude journal combined with Morning Pages sounds powerful. Still on my must-do list. You had MORW than 2 grateful things on your list. You know, I always love your random things! 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I keep a gratitude journal, per recommendation.
    Wanna know what in it this morning? “Not going to jail, since I refrained from strangling anyone” Yup! I’m pretty thankful for that.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Oh…and right now, I just added “that picture of the guy in Sandra’s post” 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m with you on the pumpkin spice stuff. Ick. I think the gratitude journal is a great idea. Maybe you should have your daughter start one simultaneously.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Bill says:

    I agree with you. did a gratitude list one time. lost it. now I forget what was on it. I like the rant list. it is so much more functional and real. I have to cull so many buts.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Meg says:

    Don’t call it a gratitude journal, call it something less corny or new agey. ‘Things that don’t suck’ or something. And no one has to see it but you for it to work. Keep an open mind, you never know!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hunida says:

    Hahah that’s cool that your daughter sells the slime! Tell her if she makes enough money through that she can start buying herself all those things wants!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I have trouble writing in a journal, always have. I’m better with just going over things in my head like when I can’t sleep. Now it’s always blessings in life that I go over, even if it’s little things like being indoors when it’s storming outside. Years ago when my life was in turmoil and I was dealing with the heartbreak of giving birth to a disabled child, having to quit work because of the care he required, mounds of medical bills, ruined dreams, I literally thought I could not deal with other’s happiness. I woke every morning reminded of how my life sucked. I never thought I’d be happy again. I cried a lot. We had so little compared to others. I had nothing to be happy about. From 31 years later, I see that all was not hopeless. The only thing I could change was my perception of the situation. I forced myself to catch the negative thoughts and just stop them. I looked for anything at all to be happy about, anything. It wasn’t easy, but they were there. Focusing on the negatives just perpetuated them. Please try the journal. Over time I think it will help. Hugs! P.S. I loved my day in Boston. Not early enough time and I must come back!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I cannot even grasp the strength and courage you have. My mind is always creating horrible scenarios and I get so stressed and overwhelmed that I can’t see any light. And a lot of what I’m worrying about hasn’t even happened! I am a mess and I am so weak. I do wake every morning knowing that my life sucks. It’s so hard to get that out of my head long enough to make anything better. I fail at last 90% of the time. And like you said it was for you, I feel like I have nothing to be happy about… Nothing to look forward to.

      I don’t know how you managed to change your perception… to stop the negative thoughts. I’ve been trying to do that for years… God, it started when I was so young… all the negativity… the sadness. I’ve always had trouble finding anything to be happy about. The misery overshadows everything. I wish I believed that things would get better… but I feel like no matter what I do, nothing will ever improve. It’s heartbreaking. But I guess I have to try anyway. I just struggle to have any faith in the whole journal thing helping at all.

      I’m glad you enjoyed Boston. I wish I had my life together and could hang out if you ever make it back!

      And thank you so much for this comment. ♥♥♥

      Liked by 1 person

      • We must get together when I come back! I would love to meet you!! You can do it, even if it’s just thinking a good thing, then two. Keep focused on how it’s affecting your kids. That’s what I think helped me. I didn’t want my oldest to be so resentful of everything revolving around his brother, and I didn’t want my youngest to just see himself as handicapped. But, yes, it took me years to start to be more positive and at one point I seriously was considering leaving hubby. I did counseling and medication and worked on exercise and eating better, all of which I fail at sometimes! It’s not an easy road, honey, and I don’t mean to imply it will be for you. One foot in front of the other is all you can do…

        Liked by 1 person

        • Focusing on how it affects the kids is good advice. I know that my son gets anxious kind of easily (of course I blame myself for that) so seeing me stressed out all the time makes it worse for him. It’s also interesting that you mention leaving your husband. It’s a thought that has occurred to me recently, too. But it’s not going to happen. My NP who manages my medication really thinks I should go to counseling but I can’t afford it right now… even just the co-pays. Plus, I’ve seen so many counselors/therapists at different times in my life and they have never helped me… so of course I feel like it would be a waste of money I don’t have.

          You are a wonderful friend… thank you for sharing all of this with me. I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel better, but it’s good to know you got through it. ♥

          Like

  11. Pingback: what sandra thinks

  12. Pingback: hello. | what sandra thinks

thoughts? talk to me.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.