Alone time. I’m about to have more of it.
I know a lot of parents are thrilled when their kids go back to school, but I’m not. Being alone is not a good thing for me. Not right now. Especially not during the day.
I, the jobless wonder, get bored. Extremely so. Oh, I can think of things to do… but I am so dispassionate that I struggle to do any of those things. They don’t appeal to me. Nothing does. So I reach a point of utter hopelessness… and I’m convinced I will never feel good again. It’s not the usual ‘feeling down‘ kind of thing. It feels so much worse. Overwhelming. Frightening. And it is unbearable.
It’s not that summer has been a non-stop party. No. There has been a lot of boredom (for me and the kids). And I did get that unbearable feeling… often. But it was slightly (very slightly) easier for me to get through it because I wasn’t alone. Now I’m nervous and afraid to feel it every day while the kids are at school.
At least I will be able to ease into it… sort of. I just found out this afternoon that the first three days of school (this week, Tues, Wed, Thurs) will all be half-days due to the extreme heat we are currently experiencing. Then there is a long weekend.
I really hope I will be okay. But I am worried. Very worried. I hate this. I hate it so much.
The kids had to go to the dentist this morning. Way to ruin their last day of summer break… I know. That was poor scheduling on my part, I guess. But I took them out to lunch afterward.
I’ve been wanting to try Wahlburgers since they opened. It’s been a while but we finally went today. I find that there are always people who immediately trash places that are even a little bit hyped up… like this one. But I thought the food was great (and the prices reasonable… rare nowadays). I thoroughly enjoyed my burger. And the onion rings were all stringy and crispy and yummy. Just like the little food stand that used to exist in my hometown back when I was in high school. (Man, I miss that place.)
I couldn’t bring myself to order a shake (sorry, I mean frappe) because, let’s face it, if I got one (coffee frappe… yummm), I would have had to get one for each kid, too… and I thought that was a bit much. We were stuffed when we left there.
That didn’t stop me from getting iced coffee after lunch, though. I have a problem.
It would be nice, I guess, if the end of summer meant I’d be writing more. But I don’t think that’s going to happen. Writing and I have not been on the same page for quite some time. Page… get it? Ugh. Sorry.
I did start to write a post about writing. Maybe that one will see the light of day. But no guarantees.
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